it's the greatest show on earth and we all have our parts to play
I was speaking to my mom on the phone yesterday, and I shared the feeling that ever since I turned 30 life has been speeding like its strapped to a rocket sled. this year I'll be halfway to 40. I feel 24. from '09 onwards life has gradually increased its momentum in my head. in '10 I moved out of home, in '11 I moved into my current apartment (one I feel an ashamed thrill towards ever month I see a mortgage payment fly out of my account) and since then life has done a Han Solo and hit the lightspeed pedal.
it is now 214 (the 0 is superfluous), I've nearly paid off my sofa.
But my feet are getting itchy. and not for reasons that can easily be fixed. it's no secret I've never felt any kinship whatsoever for the city I currently live in. I did grow up here so there is that problem, but my family's here as well as one of the oldest friends I have and things such as that pull over and above the unknown when it comes to my own personal happiness.
Because happiness for me is often about trust. and it always has been as far back as I can remember. and the people I trust I gravitate to.
A mobile phone company has an advert going currently that tells you to "be more dog". I think it's O2. Well, dogs are very friendly to people they like. to people who are kind to them.
I bark and growl in work at people (such actions could explain why I think life is moving fast) because my comfort of such people is high. these things I didn't do in Frenchay, the 4 years I did from '06 to '11.
But as everyone knows who reads this the stuff I was enduring at that time hardly made for a comfortable existence.
I think it might be the chicken and the egg scenario. Do you feel comfortable in a place and then start trusting the people, or do you start trusting those you work with and then feel comfortable enough to be honest with them?
The people I share character traits with have had specified roles in life for thousands of years. before the Victorians and the religious right arrived and slaughtered everybody. their largest known roles existed in the societies of the Native Americans who lived on the Great Plains in North America and the feudal lands of old Japan.
In both cases they were often attached as advisors and spirit guides to the reigning Chiefs and Warlords, peacetime consiglieres for lack of an official title. Prized due to their ability to see many sides of an argument they existed outside the usual hierarchy and power structure of the specific society.
I mix that in the job that I do with a healthy dose of Murdock humour.
But I recognise the fact that that specific combination doesn't give the impression of mature leadership.
This could be why I still feel 24.
And few in my job take what I say seriously. I think this is for a variety of reasons. not excuses, I accept the blame and responsibility without flinching. My history, apparently the business of everybody with an opinion and a mouth still results in a frisson-like thrill for some members of staff. I roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut. it doesn't hurt but at the same time it stunts any desire to be anything other than courteous to such people. Including from a professional perspective.
I feel I should tie in a reference to my high score on the psychopathy scale a few posts ago.
It feels like you can't be a clown and a lion tamer simultaneously in my job (though Indiana Jones pulled it off quite well). You have to be one or the other. I could defend the actions of others and cite several examples from the rural population to my North American background to my emotional openness I have revealed in the past. I have cried in work, many times. Both publicly and privately. It is nothing I'm proud of but neither am I ashamed of it either.
The clown cries. But that doesn't mean the clown doesn't have something important to say at times.
Jesters were employed to do more than entertain. Like naysayers, they stopped everything getting so rigid as to become inflexible in thinking. That is my purpose in work at times. At times I think it is the only role I can adopt in order to work professionally and effectively with others. Otherwise I'm flying solo, again a role I don't mind but not something that ought to be done forever.
You can see why I like Dr Who can't you?
Balance as my mom keeps saying, and I agree. But no one stays in a job-for-life these days. So if these next six months are to be my last in Bristol I say lets make them a good six and see what happens.
it is now 214 (the 0 is superfluous), I've nearly paid off my sofa.
But my feet are getting itchy. and not for reasons that can easily be fixed. it's no secret I've never felt any kinship whatsoever for the city I currently live in. I did grow up here so there is that problem, but my family's here as well as one of the oldest friends I have and things such as that pull over and above the unknown when it comes to my own personal happiness.
Because happiness for me is often about trust. and it always has been as far back as I can remember. and the people I trust I gravitate to.
A mobile phone company has an advert going currently that tells you to "be more dog". I think it's O2. Well, dogs are very friendly to people they like. to people who are kind to them.
I bark and growl in work at people (such actions could explain why I think life is moving fast) because my comfort of such people is high. these things I didn't do in Frenchay, the 4 years I did from '06 to '11.
But as everyone knows who reads this the stuff I was enduring at that time hardly made for a comfortable existence.
I think it might be the chicken and the egg scenario. Do you feel comfortable in a place and then start trusting the people, or do you start trusting those you work with and then feel comfortable enough to be honest with them?
The people I share character traits with have had specified roles in life for thousands of years. before the Victorians and the religious right arrived and slaughtered everybody. their largest known roles existed in the societies of the Native Americans who lived on the Great Plains in North America and the feudal lands of old Japan.
In both cases they were often attached as advisors and spirit guides to the reigning Chiefs and Warlords, peacetime consiglieres for lack of an official title. Prized due to their ability to see many sides of an argument they existed outside the usual hierarchy and power structure of the specific society.
I mix that in the job that I do with a healthy dose of Murdock humour.
But I recognise the fact that that specific combination doesn't give the impression of mature leadership.
This could be why I still feel 24.
And few in my job take what I say seriously. I think this is for a variety of reasons. not excuses, I accept the blame and responsibility without flinching. My history, apparently the business of everybody with an opinion and a mouth still results in a frisson-like thrill for some members of staff. I roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut. it doesn't hurt but at the same time it stunts any desire to be anything other than courteous to such people. Including from a professional perspective.
I feel I should tie in a reference to my high score on the psychopathy scale a few posts ago.
It feels like you can't be a clown and a lion tamer simultaneously in my job (though Indiana Jones pulled it off quite well). You have to be one or the other. I could defend the actions of others and cite several examples from the rural population to my North American background to my emotional openness I have revealed in the past. I have cried in work, many times. Both publicly and privately. It is nothing I'm proud of but neither am I ashamed of it either.
The clown cries. But that doesn't mean the clown doesn't have something important to say at times.
Jesters were employed to do more than entertain. Like naysayers, they stopped everything getting so rigid as to become inflexible in thinking. That is my purpose in work at times. At times I think it is the only role I can adopt in order to work professionally and effectively with others. Otherwise I'm flying solo, again a role I don't mind but not something that ought to be done forever.
You can see why I like Dr Who can't you?
Balance as my mom keeps saying, and I agree. But no one stays in a job-for-life these days. So if these next six months are to be my last in Bristol I say lets make them a good six and see what happens.