on step forward, one leap back..
i came home today at 10am. the pain in my groin was just too great.
i don't know why it was hurting, i think the exhaustion, the niggling twinges i felt in my groin, it just added up to make me miserable and deflated.
The first job of the day was to unload the wagons that come up from the cleaners on the ground floor, even stacking the shelves with the fresh stock and equipment left me feeling exhausted. I'm constantly stuck in first gear, second at a pinch. This isn't a nice feeling for a person who usually works in third and fourth day in day out, week in week out.
Then when I had to wear the lead (vest, used in x-ray cases) for the first case, and my groin started to ache.
Then twinge.
Then burn.
Then really ache.
And I was exhausted, hot, hurting and feeling thoroughly deflated.
So I went to see the Sister and told her i was going home cos of the pain. then i went back to the theatre staff room and burst into tears.
This is partly what my counseling's for. Not just the lack of physicality but also what I think of myself when I don't succeed in what i do, albeit personal or professional. I have self-esteem issues clearly.
So I went to the docs who agreed I had post-op pain. Signed me off for the week and said I have to do 2 weeks of half-days only starting Monday and we'll go from there. Great.
I don't know if that'll work. I was pretty beat up yesterday after only 6 hours of work.
That's the problem. In my job you can't stand still. There's no such thing as "Light Duties" or taking it easy. It's all go the second we start and you just do your best to keep up as best you can.
And currently being my best isn't good enough for my own pride to take or for my own body to endure.
and it sucks!
i don't know why it was hurting, i think the exhaustion, the niggling twinges i felt in my groin, it just added up to make me miserable and deflated.
The first job of the day was to unload the wagons that come up from the cleaners on the ground floor, even stacking the shelves with the fresh stock and equipment left me feeling exhausted. I'm constantly stuck in first gear, second at a pinch. This isn't a nice feeling for a person who usually works in third and fourth day in day out, week in week out.
Then when I had to wear the lead (vest, used in x-ray cases) for the first case, and my groin started to ache.
Then twinge.
Then burn.
Then really ache.
And I was exhausted, hot, hurting and feeling thoroughly deflated.
So I went to see the Sister and told her i was going home cos of the pain. then i went back to the theatre staff room and burst into tears.
This is partly what my counseling's for. Not just the lack of physicality but also what I think of myself when I don't succeed in what i do, albeit personal or professional. I have self-esteem issues clearly.
So I went to the docs who agreed I had post-op pain. Signed me off for the week and said I have to do 2 weeks of half-days only starting Monday and we'll go from there. Great.
I don't know if that'll work. I was pretty beat up yesterday after only 6 hours of work.
That's the problem. In my job you can't stand still. There's no such thing as "Light Duties" or taking it easy. It's all go the second we start and you just do your best to keep up as best you can.
And currently being my best isn't good enough for my own pride to take or for my own body to endure.
and it sucks!