I'm standing here outside your door...
the last three days have been testing.
I spent the best part of wednesday holed up in a Russian coffee house with my mom talking through the current work situation. my mom, as is her traditional role, is all for 'marching into Poland' on this one.
that is, for going higher in the Union, contacting Human Resources (HR) for the Trust and informing them of the situation and possible further legal action to clear my reputation.
Or at least make the charges seem more direct and not like a Soviet show trial.
Because she is concerned not about the employment angle, afterall i still have my job, but more so when it comes to writing references or getting employment references for my *gulp* mortgage.. this stuff could affect me.
That's to say nothing on how it is affecting me currently in terms of my mental health. I had my counseling session on Thursday and Rob was very nice, he showed me what kB had written about me - a list of my good and bad points - and how her positive outlook on my life compared drastically to the negative opinion I have of myself and started to try and convince me I'm not the bad person they made me out to be.
I also took my camera into work and the last two days i have been taking pictures of my theatres, my friends and they've been taking pictures of me also. All in B&W so I'm hoping for some nice pictures soon. In addition all of them (100%!) have said they can't believe I am going and how horrible the trumped-up charges against me are. It's nice to know I have friends here, nice to see that I'm not just tolerated even if those in power seem to think it so.
I also did nice cases with great surgeons who liked me. Who said they thought I'd done well. Good scrubs in the high 8.5's (out of 10) with few mistakes and good hand-offs and fast reactions. THIS is why I love my job, I think it's sad that the politics have spoiled what I had. Well, that and poisonous corrupt management.
It's odd, people say to me that I'll see all these friends again. But I might not. We are due to amalgamate hospitals in 2014 but that's over 3 years away. And that can be a LONG time in someone's life. Friend's might retire, leave nursing altogether or move to other hospitals. And I will never get the chance to see my friends go. So I'm going to have to make it right now.
I also might leave, move to Brighton or Brooklyn or who knows where. Or I could become a famous international photojournalist or a novelist and never scrub up again.
Oh what can happen in 3 years!
So for now I am focusing on the good; my friends, the place, the light and the angles and all the other weird arty things I walk by every day and take for granted. The camera comes with me everywhere. Hopefully I'll make a collage at the end and leave it with them.
We have something similar in Plastic theatres coffee room. a wall of photos with people on it, old and new, the present and the long since departed (not in life, just in job). We had that up long before Joss Whedon got the idea for the "To Remember" wall.
And so, to sleep, or I will never rise in the morning.
I spent the best part of wednesday holed up in a Russian coffee house with my mom talking through the current work situation. my mom, as is her traditional role, is all for 'marching into Poland' on this one.
that is, for going higher in the Union, contacting Human Resources (HR) for the Trust and informing them of the situation and possible further legal action to clear my reputation.
Or at least make the charges seem more direct and not like a Soviet show trial.
Because she is concerned not about the employment angle, afterall i still have my job, but more so when it comes to writing references or getting employment references for my *gulp* mortgage.. this stuff could affect me.
That's to say nothing on how it is affecting me currently in terms of my mental health. I had my counseling session on Thursday and Rob was very nice, he showed me what kB had written about me - a list of my good and bad points - and how her positive outlook on my life compared drastically to the negative opinion I have of myself and started to try and convince me I'm not the bad person they made me out to be.
I also took my camera into work and the last two days i have been taking pictures of my theatres, my friends and they've been taking pictures of me also. All in B&W so I'm hoping for some nice pictures soon. In addition all of them (100%!) have said they can't believe I am going and how horrible the trumped-up charges against me are. It's nice to know I have friends here, nice to see that I'm not just tolerated even if those in power seem to think it so.
I also did nice cases with great surgeons who liked me. Who said they thought I'd done well. Good scrubs in the high 8.5's (out of 10) with few mistakes and good hand-offs and fast reactions. THIS is why I love my job, I think it's sad that the politics have spoiled what I had. Well, that and poisonous corrupt management.
It's odd, people say to me that I'll see all these friends again. But I might not. We are due to amalgamate hospitals in 2014 but that's over 3 years away. And that can be a LONG time in someone's life. Friend's might retire, leave nursing altogether or move to other hospitals. And I will never get the chance to see my friends go. So I'm going to have to make it right now.
I also might leave, move to Brighton or Brooklyn or who knows where. Or I could become a famous international photojournalist or a novelist and never scrub up again.
Oh what can happen in 3 years!
So for now I am focusing on the good; my friends, the place, the light and the angles and all the other weird arty things I walk by every day and take for granted. The camera comes with me everywhere. Hopefully I'll make a collage at the end and leave it with them.
We have something similar in Plastic theatres coffee room. a wall of photos with people on it, old and new, the present and the long since departed (not in life, just in job). We had that up long before Joss Whedon got the idea for the "To Remember" wall.
And so, to sleep, or I will never rise in the morning.