telling lies to myself and lies to others
"has made with peace with everyone calling her mate/dude. it's empowering to my grunt/post-apocalyptic/engine room-esque personality :)"
...
this phrase currently reside on my facebook status and, if i'm being honest, i haven't really y'know? Nope. Uh-uh. But what can you do but survive?
ok, cancel the melodrama.
...
in all fairness I'm not happy with that, but I do live in bristol where it happens on regular basis - I HATE Bristolisms, having dealt with them for almost 20 years I have learn to temper this hatred into acid-sharp contempt for the person saying them. Which is often a shame cos I usually quite like the person. Do I tell them not to use that phrase? at the cost of losing their friendship?
and remember theatres are a virtual closed society so it's gonna be hard to work with them if I do lose their vibe.
see, conundrum.
Although on the second side of the phrase I am being honestly truthful.
Grunts - can take whatever is thrown their way both in my job and in my life. There might be blood and tears along the way but I'm guaranteed to come out the other side. Might not be whole but should be capable.
Post-apocalyptic - Anything from Mad Max 2/Firefly (kinda) to Zombie films inc (there's a lot but the setting is usually linear). Layered clothing, my lovely bandannas, bags with multiple pockets and my compulsion to carry everything with me wherever I go - causing my bag to weigh a ton in the process. OKay - this is the REAL reason why my shoulders are screwed.
Engine-room esque - Firefly/Alien (Parker/Brett double act) to One-Night off The Abyss. My job's hard - it's not the office affair with purdy nails and purdy hair and sitting on my tush for 8 hours a day. It's usually a 10 hour schlep packed with hauling boxes of equipment, sets and moving tables, patients and more equip.
And the chances of getting covered in blood/bone and "fluid" from various orifices is unusually high.
Top of this is the fact we have a working intercom that runs between theatres and an overused internal telephone system that does make it feel like you're working either on a spacestation or 40,000 fathoms down.
So you factor these 3 things in to one personality, make them transgenic and what do you expect?
Some confusing algorithm/amalgamation of universal culture and gender that has a slightly warped existence.
This is technically not a bad thing, just a hard thing. Hard to be sometimes, hard to understand from the view of others. I don't fit a stereotype i think. Not even an english transgenic one. And that doesn't give anyone a handle on me. Which is nice in a sense but does leave other people fumbling a bit.
But, as I say in work, I cannot stop being me. My brain, like my metabolism, doesn't have an on/off switch and only a temperamental brake. I literally cannot stop.
I just only hope to keep me on the road and not end up going off a cliff.
Too many driving analogies? ok, I'll stop that.
I just like what Ballard said to Echo last Wednesday.
"Once this has been done to you [imprinting], can you ever go back to what you were?"
that's probably a bit of paraphrasing but the idea is the same. Once this happens to you, be careful as you advance to a whole new level of difficulty, and you can't ever return to an easier level.
You can't go back to sleep.
And for the record I do have hair. This is the "Dead Sea". Get salt in it and you're gonna have a devil of a time trying to get it out.
And besides, I like my bandannas, although it does promote my androgyny. Le sigh!
...
this phrase currently reside on my facebook status and, if i'm being honest, i haven't really y'know? Nope. Uh-uh. But what can you do but survive?
ok, cancel the melodrama.
...
in all fairness I'm not happy with that, but I do live in bristol where it happens on regular basis - I HATE Bristolisms, having dealt with them for almost 20 years I have learn to temper this hatred into acid-sharp contempt for the person saying them. Which is often a shame cos I usually quite like the person. Do I tell them not to use that phrase? at the cost of losing their friendship?
and remember theatres are a virtual closed society so it's gonna be hard to work with them if I do lose their vibe.
see, conundrum.
Although on the second side of the phrase I am being honestly truthful.
Grunts - can take whatever is thrown their way both in my job and in my life. There might be blood and tears along the way but I'm guaranteed to come out the other side. Might not be whole but should be capable.
Post-apocalyptic - Anything from Mad Max 2/Firefly (kinda) to Zombie films inc (there's a lot but the setting is usually linear). Layered clothing, my lovely bandannas, bags with multiple pockets and my compulsion to carry everything with me wherever I go - causing my bag to weigh a ton in the process. OKay - this is the REAL reason why my shoulders are screwed.
Engine-room esque - Firefly/Alien (Parker/Brett double act) to One-Night off The Abyss. My job's hard - it's not the office affair with purdy nails and purdy hair and sitting on my tush for 8 hours a day. It's usually a 10 hour schlep packed with hauling boxes of equipment, sets and moving tables, patients and more equip.
And the chances of getting covered in blood/bone and "fluid" from various orifices is unusually high.
Top of this is the fact we have a working intercom that runs between theatres and an overused internal telephone system that does make it feel like you're working either on a spacestation or 40,000 fathoms down.
So you factor these 3 things in to one personality, make them transgenic and what do you expect?
Some confusing algorithm/amalgamation of universal culture and gender that has a slightly warped existence.
This is technically not a bad thing, just a hard thing. Hard to be sometimes, hard to understand from the view of others. I don't fit a stereotype i think. Not even an english transgenic one. And that doesn't give anyone a handle on me. Which is nice in a sense but does leave other people fumbling a bit.
But, as I say in work, I cannot stop being me. My brain, like my metabolism, doesn't have an on/off switch and only a temperamental brake. I literally cannot stop.
I just only hope to keep me on the road and not end up going off a cliff.
Too many driving analogies? ok, I'll stop that.
I just like what Ballard said to Echo last Wednesday.
"Once this has been done to you [imprinting], can you ever go back to what you were?"
that's probably a bit of paraphrasing but the idea is the same. Once this happens to you, be careful as you advance to a whole new level of difficulty, and you can't ever return to an easier level.
You can't go back to sleep.
And for the record I do have hair. This is the "Dead Sea". Get salt in it and you're gonna have a devil of a time trying to get it out.
And besides, I like my bandannas, although it does promote my androgyny. Le sigh!