who invented chocolate coins covered in foil?
christmas is fast approaching, Hanukkah started last night and i'm trying to tap into my reserve of holly-jolly festive fun.
it's happening, but slowly.
and the more i think of this the more i am convinced that this holiday season's gonna be a bit of a wash-out.
On other depressing news i got the green-light to try and use the larger dilator.
Nope.
it's a no-go boys and girls. 1 inch.
and i opened up two small tears in what is now labelled as my perineum in the process.
therefore even if i do see jack-the-lad Bellringer on the 5th I will be very surprised if he tells me to just "keep trying".
I applied so much 'gentle pressure' my finger tips went white. it's not a question of pain it's simply a question of the dilator hitting a wall.
it cannot enter.
the small one is not a problem. but the large one is just not having any of it.
so.
if Mr. Thomas, Jack or whomever can given me a quick GA in January and re-stretch me, hopefully both length ways and width ways cos i'd really like 6 inches rather than 5 (for my own peace of mind), and still leave me enough recovery time to undergo this Theatre Course that would be great.
Anything else and I'm applying to a revision through Thomas' private channels. I've got the bank saved, it will mean that a deposit on this house will be harder but we'll jump off that bridge when it happens and this is my life and my future we're talking about here.
the other thing is sleep.
i am not getting enough.
simply the UK dilation schedule says you got to dilate 3 times a day. which breaks down into morning, afternoon and evening. preferable as close to 8 hours between each dilation as you can.
this means roughly at 8am, 4pm and 12 midnight.
factor in post-dilating cleaning as well as other life needs (dressing etc) and i'm getting about maybe 6-7 hours sleep a night.
that's if i don't watch teevee which is hard to do sometimes. or read, which is even harder.
I get more sleep when i'm working 10 hours a day. the irony is i'll go back to work to get MORE sleep!
this is why i want to get back to work. cos when i do i'll know that all this rigmarole and worry should be settled.
although if i have this revision Mr. Thomas told me that i'l be having more time off work to recover which means another rigorous dilation schedule. boo.
one of the friends i made in Riverside the last time i was in there, Danelle Marsh recently wondered "Is it all worth it"?
I'm starting to wonder that myself.
i know i'll look back at this time during the summer of 2009 and wonder how i got through it. it's just that right now i'm not sure i can.
especially if Thomas has to cut me again or if i have to chase down the private option.
it's happening, but slowly.
and the more i think of this the more i am convinced that this holiday season's gonna be a bit of a wash-out.
On other depressing news i got the green-light to try and use the larger dilator.
Nope.
it's a no-go boys and girls. 1 inch.
and i opened up two small tears in what is now labelled as my perineum in the process.
therefore even if i do see jack-the-lad Bellringer on the 5th I will be very surprised if he tells me to just "keep trying".
I applied so much 'gentle pressure' my finger tips went white. it's not a question of pain it's simply a question of the dilator hitting a wall.
it cannot enter.
the small one is not a problem. but the large one is just not having any of it.
so.
if Mr. Thomas, Jack or whomever can given me a quick GA in January and re-stretch me, hopefully both length ways and width ways cos i'd really like 6 inches rather than 5 (for my own peace of mind), and still leave me enough recovery time to undergo this Theatre Course that would be great.
Anything else and I'm applying to a revision through Thomas' private channels. I've got the bank saved, it will mean that a deposit on this house will be harder but we'll jump off that bridge when it happens and this is my life and my future we're talking about here.
the other thing is sleep.
i am not getting enough.
simply the UK dilation schedule says you got to dilate 3 times a day. which breaks down into morning, afternoon and evening. preferable as close to 8 hours between each dilation as you can.
this means roughly at 8am, 4pm and 12 midnight.
factor in post-dilating cleaning as well as other life needs (dressing etc) and i'm getting about maybe 6-7 hours sleep a night.
that's if i don't watch teevee which is hard to do sometimes. or read, which is even harder.
I get more sleep when i'm working 10 hours a day. the irony is i'll go back to work to get MORE sleep!
this is why i want to get back to work. cos when i do i'll know that all this rigmarole and worry should be settled.
although if i have this revision Mr. Thomas told me that i'l be having more time off work to recover which means another rigorous dilation schedule. boo.
one of the friends i made in Riverside the last time i was in there, Danelle Marsh recently wondered "Is it all worth it"?
I'm starting to wonder that myself.
i know i'll look back at this time during the summer of 2009 and wonder how i got through it. it's just that right now i'm not sure i can.
especially if Thomas has to cut me again or if i have to chase down the private option.