Refresh, renew, revitalize, reclaim, rejuvenate, exhilarate.
So here I am, and there you are - reading this. Why are you reading this?
I let you all believe that my life is incredibly boring - when in fact, it's not... it's filled with not-so-boring complications, decisions, moves, motives, manipulations and heartache. More complications as of late, but I'm surviving and that's all that counts. Though tonight I will admit, I feel a little defeated. Running a fever, dizzy spells, headache. Some kind of scary symptoms for TSS. But I'm in denial about that sort of thing - I just don't believe it would happen to me. Besides, my fever isn't high enough.
On to more important things. Lets talk about all that boring stuff in my life. I live in this awesome flat in San Francisco, on a busy street - but I can't wait to move out of it. Too many strings, you know? Besides, I can hear the bus stopping every 13 minutes on the corner.
Yesterday was my fathers birthday. Another one goes by, and still no word. Not that I'm shocked I couldn't reach him on his birthday... I couldn't reach him on my own either. That sad thing is, I miss him terribly but he's the entire reason why I push any man out of my life. He's also the reason why I allow the ones I shouldn't waste my time with, waste my time. This is some very precious time I'm wasting, people! I'm certainly not getting any younger.
So I celebrated Dad's b-day by finally giving in to a very persistent young (by young I mean 30) mans attempts to hit the town with me. Oh, the witty banter was flowing but I just wasn't into him. We hung out for a while anyway... I was probably leading him on quite a bit. I can't help but give that impression to most men when I'm out with them. I'm a flirt. We floated into some of my old haunts... An agonizing trip down memory lane. I ran into an old lover and found out that he's married now. I never had any feelings for him, and easily let him out of my life - but something about the knowledge of him being married struck me pretty hard. I shifted between being jealous of his wife (because I'm certain she's leading a very comfortable life with him as a husband), and feeling sorry for her because he was a very bad lay. I couldn't get him out of the missionary position... believe me, I tried.
Hey, I think I feel my fever going down. Yup. It is.
Anyway, my career - Yes, lets chat about that. I've been talking with my friends (hey, did I mention I made friends yet? Well, I did), and family as well... discussing what I ultimately want to do for a living, and what sort of personality I have. Let me tell you what I tell them -
I want to be a personal chef... for a family, or a single man.
Why a single man as opposed to a single woman? Men are easier to boss around, I guess. I know I can be as creative as I want with a man - whereas a woman always feels the need to get involved. DON'T GET INVOLVED for goodness sakes. We had these SAME ISSUES a million years ago, when I had different goals.
And this is what they all tell me, based on my personality and what I'm looking to do for the rest of my life.... Ready?
I am supposed to be a house wife.
Ha. Not really a shocker, I guess.
But not just any house wife. A house wife that has a very busy and social husband that needs a wife who can cook 8 course meals for 6 people with 3 hours notice... And apparently I'm supposed to find a man who can afford to have a live in- or daily housekeeper so I never have to clean a dish unless I need to use it right then.
So basically, he has to be filthy rich.
And there's more.
I need a ton of emotional attention, public physical affection, massages, etc. Your over-achieving pampering skills.
Now this is what I added:
He needs to be extremely (EXTREMELY) talented in the bedroom.
He must be a very nice, genuine, generous man with people other than myself (myself included, of course).
He must always have me at the top of his priority list - and he will be tested, because I test a lot.
He must be impulsive and a very quick thinker. Wit, also.
So - who's going to fix me up?
I let you all believe that my life is incredibly boring - when in fact, it's not... it's filled with not-so-boring complications, decisions, moves, motives, manipulations and heartache. More complications as of late, but I'm surviving and that's all that counts. Though tonight I will admit, I feel a little defeated. Running a fever, dizzy spells, headache. Some kind of scary symptoms for TSS. But I'm in denial about that sort of thing - I just don't believe it would happen to me. Besides, my fever isn't high enough.
On to more important things. Lets talk about all that boring stuff in my life. I live in this awesome flat in San Francisco, on a busy street - but I can't wait to move out of it. Too many strings, you know? Besides, I can hear the bus stopping every 13 minutes on the corner.
Yesterday was my fathers birthday. Another one goes by, and still no word. Not that I'm shocked I couldn't reach him on his birthday... I couldn't reach him on my own either. That sad thing is, I miss him terribly but he's the entire reason why I push any man out of my life. He's also the reason why I allow the ones I shouldn't waste my time with, waste my time. This is some very precious time I'm wasting, people! I'm certainly not getting any younger.
So I celebrated Dad's b-day by finally giving in to a very persistent young (by young I mean 30) mans attempts to hit the town with me. Oh, the witty banter was flowing but I just wasn't into him. We hung out for a while anyway... I was probably leading him on quite a bit. I can't help but give that impression to most men when I'm out with them. I'm a flirt. We floated into some of my old haunts... An agonizing trip down memory lane. I ran into an old lover and found out that he's married now. I never had any feelings for him, and easily let him out of my life - but something about the knowledge of him being married struck me pretty hard. I shifted between being jealous of his wife (because I'm certain she's leading a very comfortable life with him as a husband), and feeling sorry for her because he was a very bad lay. I couldn't get him out of the missionary position... believe me, I tried.
Hey, I think I feel my fever going down. Yup. It is.
Anyway, my career - Yes, lets chat about that. I've been talking with my friends (hey, did I mention I made friends yet? Well, I did), and family as well... discussing what I ultimately want to do for a living, and what sort of personality I have. Let me tell you what I tell them -
I want to be a personal chef... for a family, or a single man.
Why a single man as opposed to a single woman? Men are easier to boss around, I guess. I know I can be as creative as I want with a man - whereas a woman always feels the need to get involved. DON'T GET INVOLVED for goodness sakes. We had these SAME ISSUES a million years ago, when I had different goals.
And this is what they all tell me, based on my personality and what I'm looking to do for the rest of my life.... Ready?
I am supposed to be a house wife.
Ha. Not really a shocker, I guess.
But not just any house wife. A house wife that has a very busy and social husband that needs a wife who can cook 8 course meals for 6 people with 3 hours notice... And apparently I'm supposed to find a man who can afford to have a live in- or daily housekeeper so I never have to clean a dish unless I need to use it right then.
So basically, he has to be filthy rich.
And there's more.
I need a ton of emotional attention, public physical affection, massages, etc. Your over-achieving pampering skills.
Now this is what I added:
He needs to be extremely (EXTREMELY) talented in the bedroom.
He must be a very nice, genuine, generous man with people other than myself (myself included, of course).
He must always have me at the top of his priority list - and he will be tested, because I test a lot.
He must be impulsive and a very quick thinker. Wit, also.
So - who's going to fix me up?