cliche accounts of college life
I haven't written in here for a long time but tonight I'm restless. It's actually 5 a.m. but I don't even want to try to sleep. I haven't felt like myself lately. Tonight Shannon and Catherine left for Guilford and Ashley is has been in Florida for almost three weeks now. It's so strange being here alone. It's relieving and unfamiliar at the same time. It was John Lennon's birthday so I went to Strawberry Fields with some people to celebrate tonight. The songs we sang made me nostalgic for home, summer, and my friends. Afterwards Nicco, Emily and I went back to Palladium and watched all of Zeitgeist which just made me feel so disgusted and useless. The United States makes me sick. As soon as I came home I went on a cleaning spree. We had so many old milk cartons. They smelled so bad, I actually threw up. I feel like the naggy anal roommate but I'm pretty much the only one who cleans. I feel restless when the suite is a mess. I need to get my own place.
I met someone who made me question mine and Travis' relationship for the first time. We've only been together for three months but we got so serious so quickly. Before recently, I felt so sure about everything. Now we're having problems. Ideally I want everything to work out. I want to feel as sure as I did in the summer but I'm so afraid it's just another infatuation. Or perhaps not even an infatuation but just another relationship I cannot sustain. We talked about our plans for the future and it felt so right. But now it scares me to talk about it and I can't go back to how I felt before. I find myself pushing everyone away this week. Part of me just doesn't want to be with anyone. I need to collect myself. Hopefully this weekend will help.
I'm going back to Connecticut tomorrow night and I've never been more anxious. I know being in my house and seeing Kate and Christina will calm me down and make me feel whole again. I've been feeling ignorant and naive lately. I want to get out of the country and I want to help people. I want love to permeate my life. That sounds so general and idealistic, unrealistic, but that's all I'm sure of right now.
I met someone who made me question mine and Travis' relationship for the first time. We've only been together for three months but we got so serious so quickly. Before recently, I felt so sure about everything. Now we're having problems. Ideally I want everything to work out. I want to feel as sure as I did in the summer but I'm so afraid it's just another infatuation. Or perhaps not even an infatuation but just another relationship I cannot sustain. We talked about our plans for the future and it felt so right. But now it scares me to talk about it and I can't go back to how I felt before. I find myself pushing everyone away this week. Part of me just doesn't want to be with anyone. I need to collect myself. Hopefully this weekend will help.
I'm going back to Connecticut tomorrow night and I've never been more anxious. I know being in my house and seeing Kate and Christina will calm me down and make me feel whole again. I've been feeling ignorant and naive lately. I want to get out of the country and I want to help people. I want love to permeate my life. That sounds so general and idealistic, unrealistic, but that's all I'm sure of right now.