Mourning Friendships Past
I had a dream set during one weekend, a fun event bringing lots of people together in one (hotel? school? college dorm?). The atmosphere was a lot like being back in college, but there weren't exactly classes or anything. It seemed like a chance to relive old friendships. There were people there who I'd known in college, but also going as far back as grade school. I ended up being so uncertain who to talk to or hang out with (I'm not sure there was more to do than hang out) that I became shy and introverted. At lunch, for example, (remember when it really mattered at who's table you sat?) I would sit alone rather than snub one friend from one era of my life for another. I ended up waiting for people to come to me, which seems to me to be really self-centered now, but in the dream was an attempt to not presume to know anyone's feelings towards me. I ended up sitting mostly alone, trying to remember what the long-ago friendships had felt like, and wondering if I'd ever get those feelings back. I woke up with that melancholy still lingering - I feel the sense of loss for all the friendships that were once closer, and that, unless life thrusts us back together, are probably never going to be close again. I remember the people who really mattered to me in elementary and middle and even high school, who helped me survive those years, but now there is a distance between us that may never be closed. Stupid depressing dream.