Ramble lala!
I got a mosqito bite on my cheek and I've been tapping it for the last eternity while thinking about stuff. Since I'm sick and therefore spend a lot of time in my room it gets me to thinking, more to thinking than to studying which I am trying to get myself to do but my eyes keep wondering off the pages of the book to gaze around aimlessly. I feel a little scared for other people, I don't even want to know what it must be like to not know what to do next. As long as you're in school you have your safety because you don't have to know that just yet but when you get to the point where us oldies are in life - when you're graduated - then you must know your next move. Just sitting at home, week after week, what kind of life is that. God it scares me.
So how are things going for me? It's going absolutely great. I attend University classes everyday then spend 5 afternoons a week burried in school work. The other two random days I spend with my friends who I more and more realize how much I've missed. I've been living in a vaccum for way too many years that I forgot about how real friends do exist. Friends that see when something is up and love you enough to push it out of you if it so has to take a whole day. We're friends by default, and I don't have to get way out of my way, tiptoeing and faking interest to have them stay with me. I love you guys.
I have a huge test coming up on the 12th and I know I put too much pressure on myself, I always do though and I appreciate my mom's efforts to help me ease the pressure but this is simply a culture thing that I just can't lay off. I'm too japanese for that. Mom has always raised us like just as long as we pass then that is very much good enough, we'd even get to pick what to have for dinner. But for me, just passing.. I mind as well not do the test at all.. either I score or I don't. I'm sorry, myself.
And how's love going? I'd say it's going fine, well Zen and I have drifted apart as always since he only really contact me when he feels like it or there's another very rare happening reason and seeing how I now have a life to attend to I don't have any time or will to chase after him. I'm not too sad about it either, our time together is running out for a lot of very obvious reasons and I've been prepared for it. Anyway, I don't know if we'll make it to our 2nd anniversary, as in I don't know if it really makes any sense to stay together for about 3 more months with the way things are now. But there's still the fact that my feelings for him are still and will always remain the same. It's just that now, I have almost forgot about them.. he isn't the only one that has to be reminded.. he should think about that, even though it wouldn't make much of a difference, since he has never even been close to feeling for me the way I feel for him.
Lee does not appreciate my way of thinking, groaning over how hard it was to get Zen and I back together. Hah, I love you Lee<3. We both know what that really was about. I have victory.
I still talk to Ta now and then, even if it's just coldtalk and him always seeming to just have to talk all badass dirty talk to me hoping it will turn me on.. I miss him. I dooo. And he knows the last email he sent did send me on a trip.
Ugh my friend just called me from an onsen and I am way beyond jealous. I could kill to be in an onsen right now, taking care of myself instead of letting my flu eat me alive. Mmkay, time to go back to my books. I am so excited about my life right now. Soon, in perhaps 3 years I'll be done with school and fully educated and I can't wait.
So how are things going for me? It's going absolutely great. I attend University classes everyday then spend 5 afternoons a week burried in school work. The other two random days I spend with my friends who I more and more realize how much I've missed. I've been living in a vaccum for way too many years that I forgot about how real friends do exist. Friends that see when something is up and love you enough to push it out of you if it so has to take a whole day. We're friends by default, and I don't have to get way out of my way, tiptoeing and faking interest to have them stay with me. I love you guys.
I have a huge test coming up on the 12th and I know I put too much pressure on myself, I always do though and I appreciate my mom's efforts to help me ease the pressure but this is simply a culture thing that I just can't lay off. I'm too japanese for that. Mom has always raised us like just as long as we pass then that is very much good enough, we'd even get to pick what to have for dinner. But for me, just passing.. I mind as well not do the test at all.. either I score or I don't. I'm sorry, myself.
And how's love going? I'd say it's going fine, well Zen and I have drifted apart as always since he only really contact me when he feels like it or there's another very rare happening reason and seeing how I now have a life to attend to I don't have any time or will to chase after him. I'm not too sad about it either, our time together is running out for a lot of very obvious reasons and I've been prepared for it. Anyway, I don't know if we'll make it to our 2nd anniversary, as in I don't know if it really makes any sense to stay together for about 3 more months with the way things are now. But there's still the fact that my feelings for him are still and will always remain the same. It's just that now, I have almost forgot about them.. he isn't the only one that has to be reminded.. he should think about that, even though it wouldn't make much of a difference, since he has never even been close to feeling for me the way I feel for him.
Lee does not appreciate my way of thinking, groaning over how hard it was to get Zen and I back together. Hah, I love you Lee<3. We both know what that really was about. I have victory.
I still talk to Ta now and then, even if it's just coldtalk and him always seeming to just have to talk all badass dirty talk to me hoping it will turn me on.. I miss him. I dooo. And he knows the last email he sent did send me on a trip.
Ugh my friend just called me from an onsen and I am way beyond jealous. I could kill to be in an onsen right now, taking care of myself instead of letting my flu eat me alive. Mmkay, time to go back to my books. I am so excited about my life right now. Soon, in perhaps 3 years I'll be done with school and fully educated and I can't wait.