no heat, no money, no work done
there is no heat in my house. there hasn't been all night. the radiator dudes had to leave the job unfinished last night because they didn't have the proper "cushings" (the joint that connects the radiator to the pipe that goes down through the floor and connects to the water source. yeah, it's new vocab for me too) to secure the new radiators and that was that. i hate being at the mercy of contractors, and these aren't even really bad ones, but still, it's 30 degrees outside and i have no heat except for the space heaters we have for the bathroom, office, and bedroom. they do okay as long as you don't open and close the door too much. so, here i am, huddled with my restless dog pretending to do work. needless to say i can't concentrate on anything for long. there are near-strangers in my house and it's pretty noisy besides. i am so tired of all this. i've been a nervous wreck because i don't feel i'm getting enough work done and then i end up in a situation in which i can't work. not to mention money troubles that are tearing me apart with worry. that $800 hit from fixing my car just keeps reverberating and of course i am locked in a vague and polite battle about when exactly i'm supposed to get my damn money from the folks i consult for. my moods are only getting worse. last night i was so revved up i couldn't sleep. i kept turning on my bedside lamp intending to read myself back to comfort only to find myself staring off into space and then fighting down a panic attack. when things get like this i have to fight really hard not to give into feelings of existential bad.