(no subject)
It's one of those times again. One of those times where I feel so alone. I know full well that I'm living with my girlfriend, and another one of my best friends, but that doesn't affect this feeling for some reason. I look back at my life and realize just how many friends I have little to know contact with, and how much I enjoyed my time with those friends.
The first instance of this was an old friend of mine named Patrick. He lived on my street in East Moline when I was all of like...5-6. He moved to Davenport, and when you're that young, it's all the world away. We lost contact. Years later, I'd lost another 4-6 friends due to moving. A couple of them had gone away to college, since they were of that age, and I was all of 10 or so. A couple more had moved in with their mother, since their parents were divorced, and I never learned where she lived. I've yet to see them again.
Sometime in junior high school, I lost my friend Aaron and his family to the state of Michigan, and have not heard back from, or seen him since. That was a shame. Aaron was one of those friends that I'd see pretty much every day, we'd shared a lot of interests at the time, and I wonder what he's up to now.
The real losses began in high school and after. The most notable to me are still Patrick (the more prominent one), and Mary. I know where both of these two are, but have not heard from them at all recently. Patrick had to move to Alabama, and much as I email him, I hardly get a response due to his busy life. I saw him precisely one time after he moved, and the last time we spoke was last year sometime. Mary was a friend I met through the John Deere IT Explorers program. I still think she's got to be one of the smartest people I've ever met. She had an aura that I'll never forget, and being around her was great, not because of any romantic connection, but because she was a fun person. I completely lost contact with her about two years ago, when college began to get a bit hectic for me. After some searching online, I found out that she has apparently moved to California and is attending Cal-tech. I wish her well.
My cousin Giselle moved to Florida. That was pretty sad, she was a bouncy, hyperactive person. She moved back to the Quad Cities a year ago or so, but has since moved back to Florida again. I have no contact information for her whatsoever, and am really beginning to miss her naive views. They made me feel good that somebody still believed in this world, rather than being a cynic like me.... I have also basically lost contact with my other cousins from the same side as her, I know where they live...or at least I did, I have no clue if they still live there or not. What I do know though, is that when I was really young, I had a great friendship with my cousin Jon, sometimes just known as "cousin". His life seems to have dwindled into the gutter since then, and I really fear that he'll end up in a prison one of these days. I have no similar doubts about his brother, since I'm positive he will be in prison before he's thirty...heck, probably before twenty five, unless he already is. They may know how I can contact Giselle, unfortunately I don't know how to contact them right now.
Most recently, I feel for Donna, Shaun, Josh, Beth, Dave, Nick, Nic, Rachel, Dave Craig, Mike, Austin and John, Lisa, several high school friends who moved before me, and several college friends who I'll probably never see again. I know that I have some sort of contact with the first few, but it's the distance that's killing me. I feel lost in the wilderness here. Reminds me of the post I've recently read about "things I love about being a grown-up"...I'm in that stage where I'm upset and don't know why...how sad.
I've been trying to contact many of the people I've listed here, mostly this morning I started. I've sent out emails to Mary (whose inbox was full) and Patrick. I left a comment on Rachel's blog, since I don't recall her new email. I tried to email Giselle, but both of her email addresses that I know are no longer in use. I should try to email Lisa still. Maybe I'll try to call Dave C. when I get home. I have his cell phone number still, I think. On the upside, at least I still have limited contact with Donna, Shaun, Josh, Beth, and Nic. Hopefully I'll either resolve this, or the feeling will pass.
I think it's mostly because I've finally overcome some momentous amount of stress in my life. I've still got the college student financial problems, and I'm living in a more confined space than I'd like...in a neighborhood that kinda scares me.... But at least I've got a more positive feeling about how college is going to be this Fall, in IL (again, yay!), and I've finally got a job that I like a lot more than any job I've ever had. I've overcome some of this, and now my mind automatically has searched for something else to worry about. Go figure.
Today's thought: "I'm stuck on an island, and that island is called Iowa."
~Devamon
(P.S. I probably should have made this a private letter, but there is the off chance that one of the people I'm looking to contact could actually read this and get ahold of me.)
The first instance of this was an old friend of mine named Patrick. He lived on my street in East Moline when I was all of like...5-6. He moved to Davenport, and when you're that young, it's all the world away. We lost contact. Years later, I'd lost another 4-6 friends due to moving. A couple of them had gone away to college, since they were of that age, and I was all of 10 or so. A couple more had moved in with their mother, since their parents were divorced, and I never learned where she lived. I've yet to see them again.
Sometime in junior high school, I lost my friend Aaron and his family to the state of Michigan, and have not heard back from, or seen him since. That was a shame. Aaron was one of those friends that I'd see pretty much every day, we'd shared a lot of interests at the time, and I wonder what he's up to now.
The real losses began in high school and after. The most notable to me are still Patrick (the more prominent one), and Mary. I know where both of these two are, but have not heard from them at all recently. Patrick had to move to Alabama, and much as I email him, I hardly get a response due to his busy life. I saw him precisely one time after he moved, and the last time we spoke was last year sometime. Mary was a friend I met through the John Deere IT Explorers program. I still think she's got to be one of the smartest people I've ever met. She had an aura that I'll never forget, and being around her was great, not because of any romantic connection, but because she was a fun person. I completely lost contact with her about two years ago, when college began to get a bit hectic for me. After some searching online, I found out that she has apparently moved to California and is attending Cal-tech. I wish her well.
My cousin Giselle moved to Florida. That was pretty sad, she was a bouncy, hyperactive person. She moved back to the Quad Cities a year ago or so, but has since moved back to Florida again. I have no contact information for her whatsoever, and am really beginning to miss her naive views. They made me feel good that somebody still believed in this world, rather than being a cynic like me.... I have also basically lost contact with my other cousins from the same side as her, I know where they live...or at least I did, I have no clue if they still live there or not. What I do know though, is that when I was really young, I had a great friendship with my cousin Jon, sometimes just known as "cousin". His life seems to have dwindled into the gutter since then, and I really fear that he'll end up in a prison one of these days. I have no similar doubts about his brother, since I'm positive he will be in prison before he's thirty...heck, probably before twenty five, unless he already is. They may know how I can contact Giselle, unfortunately I don't know how to contact them right now.
Most recently, I feel for Donna, Shaun, Josh, Beth, Dave, Nick, Nic, Rachel, Dave Craig, Mike, Austin and John, Lisa, several high school friends who moved before me, and several college friends who I'll probably never see again. I know that I have some sort of contact with the first few, but it's the distance that's killing me. I feel lost in the wilderness here. Reminds me of the post I've recently read about "things I love about being a grown-up"...I'm in that stage where I'm upset and don't know why...how sad.
I've been trying to contact many of the people I've listed here, mostly this morning I started. I've sent out emails to Mary (whose inbox was full) and Patrick. I left a comment on Rachel's blog, since I don't recall her new email. I tried to email Giselle, but both of her email addresses that I know are no longer in use. I should try to email Lisa still. Maybe I'll try to call Dave C. when I get home. I have his cell phone number still, I think. On the upside, at least I still have limited contact with Donna, Shaun, Josh, Beth, and Nic. Hopefully I'll either resolve this, or the feeling will pass.
I think it's mostly because I've finally overcome some momentous amount of stress in my life. I've still got the college student financial problems, and I'm living in a more confined space than I'd like...in a neighborhood that kinda scares me.... But at least I've got a more positive feeling about how college is going to be this Fall, in IL (again, yay!), and I've finally got a job that I like a lot more than any job I've ever had. I've overcome some of this, and now my mind automatically has searched for something else to worry about. Go figure.
Today's thought: "I'm stuck on an island, and that island is called Iowa."
~Devamon
(P.S. I probably should have made this a private letter, but there is the off chance that one of the people I'm looking to contact could actually read this and get ahold of me.)