(no subject)
Contemplate.
It shouldn't be as hard as it sounds. As I sit here in my little nest of electronics and wires, I think of days gone by, friends lost and long gone, and even what I've been doing in the past..... well, forever. I went to see Jill today. She and I talked at length about my trust issues with people. I have problems letting go of everything, all of my doubts, my fears. I have trouble being me. This comes from years of experience. We discussed the reasons why I pushed people away. Upon contemplating this, I find it's because I found myself somehow needing that person to be there all of the time. I am not a needy person, at all. I can deal with it if no one was around to keep me occupied. Which is why I keep people at a distance. I have let the friends that I have lost see parts of me that I'm not proud of.... hence my walking away. It scares me that I let them see me when I'm vulnerable. I don't LIKE being vulnerable. Soon thereafter, I turn into the biggest bitch imaginable, and cut the person out of my life. It is a sense for awkwardness.
For instance, the roomie and I went to the UCC to eat dinner. Erik an Holly were sitting in front of us. Erik and Holly I'm not friends with anymore. That, and Holly got really bitchy with me the last few times we hung out. Anyway, then there's Erik. And I think everyone knows my history with him. Anyway, they kept turning around and watching me eat. Okay, maybe I felt like that's what they were doing... but it was still weird. I mean, I guess I miss having them around as friends, but it didn't really seem like they really minded at all that I never said a word of acknowledgment to them. Whatever.
Overanalyze.
I overanalyze a lot. Especially in simple conversations. I don't find many things everyone else finds to be funny as being funny, so I guess that makes me a tad bit of a bitch. I have no idea. Like I said, I'm probably over analyzing this. Anyway, I am going to stop ranting now and climb into my "nest" as my roommate has affectionately dubbed my bed..... since it's very high off the ground for the *ahem* no-sex factor. Sex will never happen in my bed. Beds are for sleeping. Showers are for taking a bath/showering/cleaning oneself, and walls are for hanging things upon, such as posters and the like. Floors are for walking upon and leaving the occasional mess. Hence, no sex. Anywhere!
That is all.
Coco,
Princess of Kitty Crack
It shouldn't be as hard as it sounds. As I sit here in my little nest of electronics and wires, I think of days gone by, friends lost and long gone, and even what I've been doing in the past..... well, forever. I went to see Jill today. She and I talked at length about my trust issues with people. I have problems letting go of everything, all of my doubts, my fears. I have trouble being me. This comes from years of experience. We discussed the reasons why I pushed people away. Upon contemplating this, I find it's because I found myself somehow needing that person to be there all of the time. I am not a needy person, at all. I can deal with it if no one was around to keep me occupied. Which is why I keep people at a distance. I have let the friends that I have lost see parts of me that I'm not proud of.... hence my walking away. It scares me that I let them see me when I'm vulnerable. I don't LIKE being vulnerable. Soon thereafter, I turn into the biggest bitch imaginable, and cut the person out of my life. It is a sense for awkwardness.
For instance, the roomie and I went to the UCC to eat dinner. Erik an Holly were sitting in front of us. Erik and Holly I'm not friends with anymore. That, and Holly got really bitchy with me the last few times we hung out. Anyway, then there's Erik. And I think everyone knows my history with him. Anyway, they kept turning around and watching me eat. Okay, maybe I felt like that's what they were doing... but it was still weird. I mean, I guess I miss having them around as friends, but it didn't really seem like they really minded at all that I never said a word of acknowledgment to them. Whatever.
Overanalyze.
I overanalyze a lot. Especially in simple conversations. I don't find many things everyone else finds to be funny as being funny, so I guess that makes me a tad bit of a bitch. I have no idea. Like I said, I'm probably over analyzing this. Anyway, I am going to stop ranting now and climb into my "nest" as my roommate has affectionately dubbed my bed..... since it's very high off the ground for the *ahem* no-sex factor. Sex will never happen in my bed. Beds are for sleeping. Showers are for taking a bath/showering/cleaning oneself, and walls are for hanging things upon, such as posters and the like. Floors are for walking upon and leaving the occasional mess. Hence, no sex. Anywhere!
That is all.
Coco,
Princess of Kitty Crack