Happy Whore-lidays!
Since we all know that Santa Claus is a myth - a tool for the manipulation of children's behavior by their parents, even! - I've decided that this year I will direct my holiday wishlist to a more infalliable diety: The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Dear FSM,
Since I have been both adorable and perfect to the best of my abilities, please bring me the following:
A pony. Well, actually a horse. Preferably a 16.2hh rated dutch warmblood mare. Dappled gray. Or any color, really, other than dark bay. Dark bay is so over-done.
A combination food processor/blender/juicer - with pasta press attachment - so that I may make my dinner in thy noodley image.
A lesbian sex slave with a penchant for doing dishes and hand washing my knickers. I realize that I was a bit hasty in asking Santa for a maid last year when I had no real means to pay her for her backbreaking labor...instead, I'd like you to send me a masochistic domestic goddess who cleans for the love of gazing up at me in knee-high boots whilst she scrubs my kitchen floor. Clothing is still optional.
A trip to Paraguay. Ok, E already took care of this one...but don't think you're off the hook.
A trip to Japan.
A chef's set of hand-hammered copper pots and pans from Le Creuset.
A set of Wüsthof chef's knives.
Medical insurance that covers allergy and asthma medication
A 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathroom house in the Old Town area for D, E and myself. Must have an open floor plan, main level landry facilities, a beautful well-lit kitchen, newly remodeled bathrooms large enough to shower with my 10 closest friends, a nice backyard for a puppy and a hammock, a 2 1/2 car garage, a finished basement and attic.
An Ikea shopping spree.
$100,000 to put an extension on my parent's house.
A new job. Seriously. One that allows me to pursue my interest in performance, art and music, and pays well! Hell, why not just give me WLNZ's FCC license? And the deed to the station? And all new automation equipment? I don't think I'm asking too much, here.
A Million dollars and a yacht.
Well, that ought to do it. Much love and reverence of thy noodlyness,
Jennifer
Dear FSM,
Since I have been both adorable and perfect to the best of my abilities, please bring me the following:
A pony. Well, actually a horse. Preferably a 16.2hh rated dutch warmblood mare. Dappled gray. Or any color, really, other than dark bay. Dark bay is so over-done.
A combination food processor/blender/juicer - with pasta press attachment - so that I may make my dinner in thy noodley image.
A lesbian sex slave with a penchant for doing dishes and hand washing my knickers. I realize that I was a bit hasty in asking Santa for a maid last year when I had no real means to pay her for her backbreaking labor...instead, I'd like you to send me a masochistic domestic goddess who cleans for the love of gazing up at me in knee-high boots whilst she scrubs my kitchen floor. Clothing is still optional.
A trip to Paraguay. Ok, E already took care of this one...but don't think you're off the hook.
A trip to Japan.
A chef's set of hand-hammered copper pots and pans from Le Creuset.
A set of Wüsthof chef's knives.
Medical insurance that covers allergy and asthma medication
A 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathroom house in the Old Town area for D, E and myself. Must have an open floor plan, main level landry facilities, a beautful well-lit kitchen, newly remodeled bathrooms large enough to shower with my 10 closest friends, a nice backyard for a puppy and a hammock, a 2 1/2 car garage, a finished basement and attic.
An Ikea shopping spree.
$100,000 to put an extension on my parent's house.
A new job. Seriously. One that allows me to pursue my interest in performance, art and music, and pays well! Hell, why not just give me WLNZ's FCC license? And the deed to the station? And all new automation equipment? I don't think I'm asking too much, here.
A Million dollars and a yacht.
Well, that ought to do it. Much love and reverence of thy noodlyness,
Jennifer