Every family has its secrets.
DISCLAIMER: This is a short story that takes place in the Wraeththu universe. The Wraeththu chronicles belong to Storm Constantine, I claim no rights on Ulaume, Aleeme, Flick, their family and friends.
INFO FOR PEOPLE WHO SEE THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME: The Wraeththu are post-apocalyptic beings that evolved from humans. They do not age and are also ( Read more... )
it was mostly a dead weight upon his cold shoulders.
-This is a really good description of his hair, and gives a good impression of what his emotional state is, actually ;P
Aleeme wouldn´t survive to be among so many hara.
-Here it sounds like you imply that he would live long enough to be amongst so many, but since you say 'tonight' it sounds unlikely - perhaps try changing it by removing "to be" from the sentence, so that it talks only about his discomfort about being around people?
*I...am not sure what's going on with your quotation marks: if you aren't seeing them, I'm seeing the first set upside down like two commas, and the closing set going the wrong way. :/
This edit is really short because I got sucked into your story. I don't know the canon at all, but you made a really convincing and good-at-standing-alone story nevertheless. I especially liked the analogy of the glass jar, in which everything is plainly visible and somehow yet set apart - and that Ulaume thinks briefly of telling Renn why, and discards it - it rings true. Good luck in the polls: I enjoyed your story very much!
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