A Poorly Written Tribute
I hate reading things that make me twitch. Things like this excerpt from the stupendously talented and introspective genius known as "some English book writer".
What do we dream of as children? Some girls dream about their weddings and what they will name their children, and some boys dream about the fame their pro football careers* will bring them. Of course, the dreams differ from person to person, but there is one milestone in life that all children cannot wait to reach. They can't wait to get their drivers' licenses** so that they can cut the cord and experience some freedom from their parents. After reaching this milestone, my cousin had only two more days to dream***. She went to the grocery store for her mom one day****, and she never returned. A nicely dressed average looking guy***** was standing in the middle of a country road a few blocks****** from her house waving his arms as if he needed help, so she stopped. She rolled down her window, and before she could ask how she could help, he shot her six times in the head and neck. She was the sixth of seven people that he killed that night. The sixth lifeless body he pushed aside so that he could pull her car behind a barn and await his last victim.*******
As you can see.. I had a lot to say about this particular excerpt. I had several reasons for inserting quite so many breaks for you to study, and here they are:
* Boys are stupid if they EVER dream of pro football careers because football players on a professional level provide nothing for the common good. I hate football, I hate boys, and I hate this essay.
**Stupid over-generalization.. a lot of us were QUITE happy getting carted around, not having to pay for gas.. we only wanted to be alone when it was "advantageous" to our love lives.
***Awww, how cute, just two more days? Way to foreshadow there, asshole.. like we don't know what that means. She's gonna die.
****What the hell? I thought she cut the cord? If she hadn't been doing errands for her mother, she would be fine.
*****How many nicely dressed guys standing on the side of the road waving their arms would you refer to as "average".. and that aside.. how does this author know what he looked like? I feel poorly informed, and I hate this essay.
******He shot this girl six times.. six times? Nobody "a few blocks from her house" heard six gunshots? Or any of the gunshots from the other victims? Why was this guy just standing here.. and how did nobody notice the sound of gunshots or a suspiciously nice looking fellow flagging down people for no reason? Country road or no.. people need to pay some attention for once.
*******No clean up? He just hid the car and waited for another? Call me insensitive.. but this guy was sloppy and stupid, he should've barely made it to three before someone with atleast a quarter of normal human wit figured out something was going down. For those of you who have never heard a gunshot.. You'll know when you do. Trust me.
I have to say something very important to you college English students out there.. make fun of excerpts like this. They're insulting to us. As for the "deep, profound meaning which lies beneath the delecate surface of this masterpiece of subtlety" [Like that? It's called sarcasm. I pulled it out of my algae covered asshole and it sounds better than the whole goddamn essay], the idea is that we should live for the day! Dreaming is a waste of time if you never do anything to achieve your dreams, or if you're so lost in fucking la-la land driving down the street a few blocks from your house, you forget that people suck ass and some of them want to kill you.
Alright people.. I hope your life has more substance than mine.. so set the air on fire, guys.. show everyone we're smarter than this.. because this is just pathetic.
What do we dream of as children? Some girls dream about their weddings and what they will name their children, and some boys dream about the fame their pro football careers* will bring them. Of course, the dreams differ from person to person, but there is one milestone in life that all children cannot wait to reach. They can't wait to get their drivers' licenses** so that they can cut the cord and experience some freedom from their parents. After reaching this milestone, my cousin had only two more days to dream***. She went to the grocery store for her mom one day****, and she never returned. A nicely dressed average looking guy***** was standing in the middle of a country road a few blocks****** from her house waving his arms as if he needed help, so she stopped. She rolled down her window, and before she could ask how she could help, he shot her six times in the head and neck. She was the sixth of seven people that he killed that night. The sixth lifeless body he pushed aside so that he could pull her car behind a barn and await his last victim.*******
As you can see.. I had a lot to say about this particular excerpt. I had several reasons for inserting quite so many breaks for you to study, and here they are:
* Boys are stupid if they EVER dream of pro football careers because football players on a professional level provide nothing for the common good. I hate football, I hate boys, and I hate this essay.
**Stupid over-generalization.. a lot of us were QUITE happy getting carted around, not having to pay for gas.. we only wanted to be alone when it was "advantageous" to our love lives.
***Awww, how cute, just two more days? Way to foreshadow there, asshole.. like we don't know what that means. She's gonna die.
****What the hell? I thought she cut the cord? If she hadn't been doing errands for her mother, she would be fine.
*****How many nicely dressed guys standing on the side of the road waving their arms would you refer to as "average".. and that aside.. how does this author know what he looked like? I feel poorly informed, and I hate this essay.
******He shot this girl six times.. six times? Nobody "a few blocks from her house" heard six gunshots? Or any of the gunshots from the other victims? Why was this guy just standing here.. and how did nobody notice the sound of gunshots or a suspiciously nice looking fellow flagging down people for no reason? Country road or no.. people need to pay some attention for once.
*******No clean up? He just hid the car and waited for another? Call me insensitive.. but this guy was sloppy and stupid, he should've barely made it to three before someone with atleast a quarter of normal human wit figured out something was going down. For those of you who have never heard a gunshot.. You'll know when you do. Trust me.
I have to say something very important to you college English students out there.. make fun of excerpts like this. They're insulting to us. As for the "deep, profound meaning which lies beneath the delecate surface of this masterpiece of subtlety" [Like that? It's called sarcasm. I pulled it out of my algae covered asshole and it sounds better than the whole goddamn essay], the idea is that we should live for the day! Dreaming is a waste of time if you never do anything to achieve your dreams, or if you're so lost in fucking la-la land driving down the street a few blocks from your house, you forget that people suck ass and some of them want to kill you.
Alright people.. I hope your life has more substance than mine.. so set the air on fire, guys.. show everyone we're smarter than this.. because this is just pathetic.