As If Anybody Cares

[deus_fimus]

I don't know how I do it, but I manage to end each day feeling miserable. Today our senior pictures came in. Great. All of these beautiful people are showing off their pictures to friends, making jokes, proudly displaying their faces as if they were priceless works of art. And then there's me. I try desperately to hide my pictures. People ask, but I deny. It's bad enough that they can see my face at all. Some days I wish I just had no face. I would be just as happy to wear a blank skull rather than this mess. My parents try to convince me, but I know that they're biased because I'm their perfect baby boy. I understand the truth. Everyone else sees me as a beast, a brute, an ogre, or something along those lines. She says, "Oh, those are just the trashy people in Halls." But the truth is, people think I'm ugly no matter where I go. When we lived in Florida, I was ugly. When we lived in Memphis, I was ugly. When we vacation in Georgia, I'm ugly. When I went to Washington DC, all that anybody could see of me is: ugly. Now, I'm not superficial. I could care less if you're the Elephant Man or Marilyn Monroe, I see the person inside. I don't base my judgments only upon what I see, but on reality. The only reason I focus so much on my appearance is because everyone else does it too, just more apparently. I'm ugly; I've accepted that. But why do I have to have people repeatedly lie to my disfigured face? "You're not ugly..." Bullshit.

...Well, that's all of that. Stephanie ignored me all damn day again, and nonchalantly talked about her ex-boyfriend while I was around. If she knows I have feelings for her, then why do this other than to piss me off? I don't understand women, but they almost always seem to do that. I'll show interest and they tell me about how hot all of the other guys are. Gee, thanks for being subtle.

Gah, sometimes I wish I were stricken blind and deaf. Then I could just scream my way through life.