Inability to Keep Calm and Carry On
There's this long letter I wrote, I was fully intending to send it and everything, though I never quite reached the point of actually sending. For probably a bit over a week, the document sat on my dash and I just kept editing it, adding to it without actually saving. I spilled my heart into it, meanwhile surreptitiously hoping I might accidentally get rid of it forever. The thing is, in as much as I wanted my sentiments to be, well, sent, I can't just shake off the complexity of human relations, mainly the effects it would have on the emotional investment my husband and I have placed on a long, cherished, and rare friendship.
I'm not being sexist by any means, and I can't exactly prove this, but I know; whether she admits it or not, what she did was very deliberately hurtful and definitely a response to the comments I posted on her facebook page. Her message is very clear. Very specific, and yet I can't prove it because she never outright typed it out. By the way, my comments were dissenting points, nothing rude or insulting, but her response was very specific, and very deliberate, and she can say that she was doing it out of a conveniently timed sense of self betterment, but I can't shake the message off. She was saying we were worthless to her. After fucking years of what we thought was friendship. It's like we dumped all that into a fucking black hole. The betrayal hurts. Realizing that she's been nothing but pretentious and fake this whole time, that she just hugged back and smiled out of a long ass fucking lie... It really hurts. And she fucking took our friend with her and we couldn't do anything about it.
Yeah, it's been well over a month and I still can't get over it. Maybe it's the lack of closure... Maybe because I can't just move on. I can't just say my piece and walk away. We're too invested and she knows it, and it's the emotional investment that's making it so complicated. She just shat all over established bonds like a careless and thereby effectively disrespectful bitch, and I can't say or do anything about it because she's been deliberately indirect with her pretty clear and kinda petty intentions. She has already justified it to herself, and has already convinced herself of her alibis, and she will never admit to the truth. And I will be left with speculations to show and apparent bitterness about stupid freaking facebook.
I feel so alone in my plight. This has been a big emotional burden that I feel like Steve doesn't really understand. I don't really know how to deal with her, and I do want to have some kidn of closure...
I'm not being sexist by any means, and I can't exactly prove this, but I know; whether she admits it or not, what she did was very deliberately hurtful and definitely a response to the comments I posted on her facebook page. Her message is very clear. Very specific, and yet I can't prove it because she never outright typed it out. By the way, my comments were dissenting points, nothing rude or insulting, but her response was very specific, and very deliberate, and she can say that she was doing it out of a conveniently timed sense of self betterment, but I can't shake the message off. She was saying we were worthless to her. After fucking years of what we thought was friendship. It's like we dumped all that into a fucking black hole. The betrayal hurts. Realizing that she's been nothing but pretentious and fake this whole time, that she just hugged back and smiled out of a long ass fucking lie... It really hurts. And she fucking took our friend with her and we couldn't do anything about it.
Yeah, it's been well over a month and I still can't get over it. Maybe it's the lack of closure... Maybe because I can't just move on. I can't just say my piece and walk away. We're too invested and she knows it, and it's the emotional investment that's making it so complicated. She just shat all over established bonds like a careless and thereby effectively disrespectful bitch, and I can't say or do anything about it because she's been deliberately indirect with her pretty clear and kinda petty intentions. She has already justified it to herself, and has already convinced herself of her alibis, and she will never admit to the truth. And I will be left with speculations to show and apparent bitterness about stupid freaking facebook.
I feel so alone in my plight. This has been a big emotional burden that I feel like Steve doesn't really understand. I don't really know how to deal with her, and I do want to have some kidn of closure...