Snarky Memos II
Here's another one of those posts with stuff I want to say to people but probably never will.
1. Your MySpace page sucks. Looking at it is like being stabbed in the eyeball with a tuning fork. (This one applies to pretty much anyone who has a MySpace page, with maybe 3 exceptions. The people who haven't customized their pages are my personal heroes. I'll cut the colorblind guy a little slack, but the rest of you, DAMN, why do you hate my eyeballs?)
2. Oh, yes, those are GREAT pictures of you! They were taken back when you were, you know, cute. Post some recent pictures and see what people say. I'm sorry, I should try to be less mean.
3. I'm not having sex with you, ever. It has less to do with your disability than it does to do with the fact that you're just plain creepy. Stop texting me. Stop emailing me. You better DAMN sure stop calling me. I don't really like to talk on the phone that much with people I don't find repulsive, so what makes you think I'm going to answer when you call?
4. I don't know if I'll ever want to meet you. Your opinions on certain topics are morally repugnant (coming from a pro-choice agnostic who doesn't think eugenics is necessarily a bad idea, that's really saying something). Also, I get a faint pervy pedo vibe from you. I think you might be a giant asshole who is sexually interested in children. So no, I don't think we're going to become friends.
5. Quit hinting around that you need money. I'm not asking other people for money on your behalf. I'm just NOT. And you know damn well I can't afford to send a couple hundred bucks your way. Stop whining about how you'll have to shut off your cell phone because you can't pay the bill. It's not going to work.
6. BATHE. Every day, yes that's right, every single day without fail. Wash all the parts that stink. With soap. And your hair, too. I shouldn't have to say this to an adult. And brush your teeth. People can tell when you don't. While we're on the subject, it would help if you would wash all your clothes regularly. And by "help" I mean "make people stop wanting to avoid you".
7. You take and take and take and never give anything back. I'm sorry for all your friends who have learned this the hard way.
8. You do not need to lose any more weight. Yes, you were chubby before you started dieting. But you're not now. In fact, you're bordering on TOO thin. Yet you still obsess about food and talk about the weight you still need to lose. This is a little disturbing.
9. If you're pressuring this person to lose more weight, you're an asshole. I really hope you're not doing this.
10. I really wish we got to hang out more often. I don't know how to say that without sounding like I'm hitting on you.
1. Your MySpace page sucks. Looking at it is like being stabbed in the eyeball with a tuning fork. (This one applies to pretty much anyone who has a MySpace page, with maybe 3 exceptions. The people who haven't customized their pages are my personal heroes. I'll cut the colorblind guy a little slack, but the rest of you, DAMN, why do you hate my eyeballs?)
2. Oh, yes, those are GREAT pictures of you! They were taken back when you were, you know, cute. Post some recent pictures and see what people say. I'm sorry, I should try to be less mean.
3. I'm not having sex with you, ever. It has less to do with your disability than it does to do with the fact that you're just plain creepy. Stop texting me. Stop emailing me. You better DAMN sure stop calling me. I don't really like to talk on the phone that much with people I don't find repulsive, so what makes you think I'm going to answer when you call?
4. I don't know if I'll ever want to meet you. Your opinions on certain topics are morally repugnant (coming from a pro-choice agnostic who doesn't think eugenics is necessarily a bad idea, that's really saying something). Also, I get a faint pervy pedo vibe from you. I think you might be a giant asshole who is sexually interested in children. So no, I don't think we're going to become friends.
5. Quit hinting around that you need money. I'm not asking other people for money on your behalf. I'm just NOT. And you know damn well I can't afford to send a couple hundred bucks your way. Stop whining about how you'll have to shut off your cell phone because you can't pay the bill. It's not going to work.
6. BATHE. Every day, yes that's right, every single day without fail. Wash all the parts that stink. With soap. And your hair, too. I shouldn't have to say this to an adult. And brush your teeth. People can tell when you don't. While we're on the subject, it would help if you would wash all your clothes regularly. And by "help" I mean "make people stop wanting to avoid you".
7. You take and take and take and never give anything back. I'm sorry for all your friends who have learned this the hard way.
8. You do not need to lose any more weight. Yes, you were chubby before you started dieting. But you're not now. In fact, you're bordering on TOO thin. Yet you still obsess about food and talk about the weight you still need to lose. This is a little disturbing.
9. If you're pressuring this person to lose more weight, you're an asshole. I really hope you're not doing this.
10. I really wish we got to hang out more often. I don't know how to say that without sounding like I'm hitting on you.