Ask me how I'll feel about it in twenty years, and I'll tell you the same thing
The realization that none of my grandparents are coming to my (our) wedding is just now sinking in.
I was just talking to my dad about the new suit he bought today, and I thought to ask him if he'd heard from my great uncle, since we haven't gotten an RSVP from him yet. We're both a bit surprised that Uncle Johnny1 hasn't responded, since he's usually the first person to show up to family gatherings. It had slipped my mind that Uncle Johnny's been having back trouble the last few years (that's what forty-plus years of standing in front of a blackboard will do to you), so I'm not particularly upset about that.
Likewise, I'm not really upset about my maternal grandmother not being able to come. While Amma's in fabulous condition for a woman who was born during the Coolidge Administration, making a trip all the way to Chicago from Minnesota would be asking too much of her. Likewise, my step-mom's mother, Grandma J., has a medical condition which makes long-distance travel impossible. She's been my grandma for eighteen years, and I grew up across the back yard from her house, so I definitely feel like her grandson. But, like Amma, it wouldn't be fair to ask Grandma J. to drive all the way from her home on the Wisconsin side of the Mississippi to Chicago.
My namesake, my paternal grandfather, doesn't really have an excuse, though (at least as far as I'm aware), but Dad said something tonight about him not coming to the wedding. I asked uisinger to check our list, and sure enough, he had declined2. When I was born Gramps was 47 years old, and while he's been a smoker since at least the Korean War, he's in very good health and regularly makes trips from my hometown to Minneapolis for Twins games. He went to his youngest son's (my Uncle Sam's) wedding in the Twin Cities a couple of years back, and though I wouldn't expect him to drive to Chicago, my dad has offered to drive Gramps and his companion to the wedding. They also have the option of taking the Empire Builder to Chicago if they'd rather not go by car. If any of my grandparents were to come to the wedding, Gramps was the one who actually could. He's the youngest one still living, he's in the best health, and not only am I named after him, but I'm also his oldest grandchild (by a not-insignificant five years).
Papa, my maternal grandfather, died when I was in kindergarten. Grams, my paternal grandmother, died when I was in high school, years before anyone would have reasonably expected had cancer not claimed her. I guess in some ways Papa and Grams will be there for me, just like they've been since they left. But it's not the same. I won't have anyone there linking me to the Old Country3 or representing the oldest living generation on my family tree.
I guess in many ways I'd taken for granted that at least Gramps was young enough that he'd not only be there for my wedding, but that he'd be around to welcome a fourth generation to the family. But this makes me realize that either it's not important enough for him to be there to watch his oldest grandchild get married, or that he's not doing well enough that he'll be around much longer, period.
And either way, that makes me really, really sad.
1 - Until my great-grandfather died, I didn't even know my grandfather had a younger brother. They'd had a falling out when my great-grandmother died (I was two years old), and no one spoke of Uncle Johnny in my presence until Grandpa Hermie's wake. Imagine the shock of finding out you have family that you thought never existed. Uncle Johnny and Gramps patched things up, and Uncle Johnny's been a fixture of family gatherings ever since.
2 - Somehow, I hadn't heard about this.
3 - Papa was first-generation; his mother, my Oma, came over from Austria-Hungary just before WWI. Papa didn't speak English (his third language) until he went to kindergarten, as only German and Hungarian (for his grandmother) were spoken at home.
I was just talking to my dad about the new suit he bought today, and I thought to ask him if he'd heard from my great uncle, since we haven't gotten an RSVP from him yet. We're both a bit surprised that Uncle Johnny1 hasn't responded, since he's usually the first person to show up to family gatherings. It had slipped my mind that Uncle Johnny's been having back trouble the last few years (that's what forty-plus years of standing in front of a blackboard will do to you), so I'm not particularly upset about that.
Likewise, I'm not really upset about my maternal grandmother not being able to come. While Amma's in fabulous condition for a woman who was born during the Coolidge Administration, making a trip all the way to Chicago from Minnesota would be asking too much of her. Likewise, my step-mom's mother, Grandma J., has a medical condition which makes long-distance travel impossible. She's been my grandma for eighteen years, and I grew up across the back yard from her house, so I definitely feel like her grandson. But, like Amma, it wouldn't be fair to ask Grandma J. to drive all the way from her home on the Wisconsin side of the Mississippi to Chicago.
My namesake, my paternal grandfather, doesn't really have an excuse, though (at least as far as I'm aware), but Dad said something tonight about him not coming to the wedding. I asked uisinger to check our list, and sure enough, he had declined2. When I was born Gramps was 47 years old, and while he's been a smoker since at least the Korean War, he's in very good health and regularly makes trips from my hometown to Minneapolis for Twins games. He went to his youngest son's (my Uncle Sam's) wedding in the Twin Cities a couple of years back, and though I wouldn't expect him to drive to Chicago, my dad has offered to drive Gramps and his companion to the wedding. They also have the option of taking the Empire Builder to Chicago if they'd rather not go by car. If any of my grandparents were to come to the wedding, Gramps was the one who actually could. He's the youngest one still living, he's in the best health, and not only am I named after him, but I'm also his oldest grandchild (by a not-insignificant five years).
Papa, my maternal grandfather, died when I was in kindergarten. Grams, my paternal grandmother, died when I was in high school, years before anyone would have reasonably expected had cancer not claimed her. I guess in some ways Papa and Grams will be there for me, just like they've been since they left. But it's not the same. I won't have anyone there linking me to the Old Country3 or representing the oldest living generation on my family tree.
I guess in many ways I'd taken for granted that at least Gramps was young enough that he'd not only be there for my wedding, but that he'd be around to welcome a fourth generation to the family. But this makes me realize that either it's not important enough for him to be there to watch his oldest grandchild get married, or that he's not doing well enough that he'll be around much longer, period.
And either way, that makes me really, really sad.
1 - Until my great-grandfather died, I didn't even know my grandfather had a younger brother. They'd had a falling out when my great-grandmother died (I was two years old), and no one spoke of Uncle Johnny in my presence until Grandpa Hermie's wake. Imagine the shock of finding out you have family that you thought never existed. Uncle Johnny and Gramps patched things up, and Uncle Johnny's been a fixture of family gatherings ever since.
2 - Somehow, I hadn't heard about this.
3 - Papa was first-generation; his mother, my Oma, came over from Austria-Hungary just before WWI. Papa didn't speak English (his third language) until he went to kindergarten, as only German and Hungarian (for his grandmother) were spoken at home.