Missing Jaana
Ever noticed how when you're feeling a strong emotion the radio station always plays songs that emphasize that emotion? Tonight the theme seems to be missing people. With every song I miss Jaana more and more... I'm nearly to the point or tears.. they're there waiting to come out, but it's not proper for a grown infantryman to cry so I hold them in and wait and hope that she'll be on soon so I can get a little bit of relief of this pain I'm feeling...
I haven't gotten to talk to her much lately and when I do I can't think of the words that I want to tell her. I just want to hold her in my arms and forget that the rest of the world exists for a couple hours. I want to tell her that she's what makes me strong and carries me through the darkness like a lighthouse on the ocean, but I lack the proper words... for just one moment I want to have the tongue of Shakespeare who knows the sweetest words of which to express my love, my passion, and my soul. I want to open he floodgates and tell her everything that she needs to hear. Transcend space and time for just one brief moment to be close to her.
My brain swims through these thoughts gasping for breath like a child just learning to tread water. Just enough to keep the head up long enough for one more breath... One more breath of conscious thought...
I've never needed anyone the way I need Jaana. I've managed to live day to on my own, but that's all I was doing... living blindly. I had no real direction. No true passion in anything that I did. I just lived. Now I don't know what I would do without her. She means everything to me. Brings out a whole new me that I like. I liked myself alright before I met her, but what she brings out in me is something new... something fresh... I think it's a whole new confidence in myself that I never really had before, but it's something else too. I never smiled as much as I did when I was with her... my face hurt for at least a week after I got back to Iraq. Looking back on it brings a smile back to my face. Tonight I was telling a friend about when we were watching Finding Nemo together... She fell asleep with her head on my lap, and when the movie was over I need to go pee so I gently lifted her head and went... When I came back I sat next to her and kissed her cheek. She thought she was still on my lap and kissed the couch. hehe... it was cute :). Well I'll be leaving ya'll with these words from Shakespeare to me to Jaana:
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.
--William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet", Act 2 scene 2