(no subject)

[detest_closure]

the past week is the same day played over and over again
the same pain over and over, the same wound opened repeatedly
all i want to do is go to sleep, go to bed with the tinest bit of happiness, or atleast content with myself
i can't fucking have anything i want, nothing little
i don't want to cry myself to sleep every night anymore
i don't want to feel so miserable
i don't know how you except to try and be with me while screaming at me every night
and not getting along or talking to me civilly
if we were so strong then you being in philly should not be able to get in the way

i was so optimstic the past few days about us
and now all i see is dark and fog, nothing is clear, nothing makes sense
nothing looks like it should be or what i want it to be or like it could be ok
its almost like you want the pain constantly around to function
but i can't function, i can't be ok, i can't deal with that
i don't feel ok
i feel like shit
i feel like i'm supposed to be the bad person but i can't understand what i did wrong to you
i did nothing wrong, i just wanted happiness
i just want to be me
i just want to be fucking ok
i want to smile and laugh and feel alright and be at peace
i want to stop crying my eyes out
nothing is enough anymore, nothing satisfies me
i want to be saved
i fell into this hole and for so long i feel like i'm just stuck
and no going anywhere and not trying to
please don't let me down
please someone do something for me
i don't want to be alone and lost

please let me be ok