(no subject)
I haven't written in here for a while. I really have no reason to. Not much ever changes in my life. I've been pretty depressed lately. It's a combination of school, work, relationships, self-image issues, and just life in general. I work 40 hours a week and go to school full-time. I get pretty stressed at times. I feel like I'm going no where in life even though I'm in college. I'm a little behind in school. I haven't missed anything that is due, but there are a lot of papers/projects due soon that I know I should be more than half-way through and haven't started yet. Actually, I just looked, and I have a huge ass paper due Thursday that I haven't started on. I work 1:45 to 10 every day but Tuesday and Thursday, so I work all weekend, every weekend. It doesn't leave much time for school work. Then there is him. He moved to North Carolina and didn't even say good-bye. He told me he wanted to sit down and talk to me before he left, and he promised to keep in touch. The last time I saw him, he was with her. I know she controls his life and would be pissed if he said anything to me, but he could have at least said bye. Just a few weeks ago he told me he still has feelings for me, thinks he will forever, and still thinks about me all the time even though he's with her. He also told me he didn't want to take her with him when he left, but he did. If he cared about me as much as he claimed, how could he leave without saying good-bye, after everything we went through? I don't understand him, and I never will. It's been a year since he broke my heart the first time, and I'm still not even close to over him. I feel like I'll never care about anyone as much as I care about him. I've never felt so comfortable around someone as I did with him. We had a really deep connection I've never had with anyone else and can't imagine having again. I just wish I could've seen him before he left. It might have provided a little closure. Moving on, I'm still fat. I totally failed on my New Year's resolutions. I'm still fat and still smoking. I'm so disgusted with myself. I can be doing really good on a diet, and then I usually cheat one night while with friends, and then I'm back at square one. I don't know why I do it because I feel a lot better about myself when I don't eat much. As for the smoking, I'm really not that worried about it even though I should be. I know it's a disgusting habit, and there are a lot of things I don't like about it, but I still enjoy it. Oh well. Well, this is enough complaining for one entry.