.my.kind's.your.kind..i'll.stay.the.same..
An excerpt answering an ex's question about my criteria for a potential guy to date:
And now to question #4 (oh yes, I think it needs it’s own separated stanza for introduction.)
What I am looking for in a partner in crime. I can’t say that I actively look on a certain criteria of appearance, etc. The greatest relationships (whether long, or 24 hours) have been based on things that you can’t really see before you meet someone. These ideal relationships all came from almost accidental situations where we were both placed in and the chemistry really did the rest. You and I hated each other. We were children, and one day all I wanted to do was kiss you and spend all my time-sharing stories and music with you. I couldn’t have seen that sort of compatibility on the surface before we met, if I had looked for it. With Shane, we both worked on the morning announcements at our high school. We spent every morning together for 15 minutes devising what music to play and what pranks to pull on people, until one day we went on a formal date. Dane, a brief boyfriend I had in high school, I met at a 924 Gilman punk show through friends and by the end of the night we ended up making out right in the skuzzy parking lot surrounded by hardcore punks getting boozed and howling in the moonlight. Similar with another love interest in high school, I met him on my choir tour in Southern California. I went to their school dance and we ended up only talking to each other up in the school’s mountain until dawn. He still writes me, 5 years after the fact. The important information to glean from all of this is that I don’t think I could EVER have a substantial relationship with someone I met at a bar, or club, or other such nonsense. Honestly, I don’t think I could ever be attracted to someone who tries to pick up on me in such a skeezy setting.
I’ve never found something worth keeping while I was looking.
And with the older I get, the more I realize the fewer situations come along where you can truly grow a strong and fulfilling connection with another person on a spontaneous level, and, damn, does that ever sadden me. But, I’m not one of those desperate people who need a significant other to feel like a complete person. I’m not someone who just wants a relationship, but rather someone who really wants to spend her time with someone I click with so well that I can’t help but want to spend my time with him. A true partner in crime. Shouldn’t that be the point of a relationship? With this clever attitude I have on the matter, though, suggests that it will be a long while before someone who fits the bill will fall into my lap. And that does suck a bit, but I’m strong like bull, I am. And after the last relationship I had, I’m a little timid to go into another one knowing that there’s a possibility I could end up in the same place I was earlier this year - living with someone who really didn’t know anything about me.
So, really, I’m not looking for any specific qualities in potential beau. I want someone who really enjoys me in all my crazy nerdiness, and likes watching films, and wants to go to shows with me, and doesn’t mind that I do like to drink copious amounts of alcohol at times, and doesn’t throw hissy fits for no reason, who has their own strong opinions that aren’t always the same as mine, can carry a conversation and some intellectual banter as well, not a deal breaker but a guy who cooks is always a plus, someone who’ll share the house chores, has self-pride and takes physical care of themselves, doesn’t mind my intense liking of pictures of topless 50’s pin-ups, kittens and mermaids and also my body modifications (tattoos and piercings) and constant changes in my hair color, has passions even if it’s passionately hating something, eyeglasses are a definite “knee-weakening” plus, someone with their own style, someone I can trust, good sex has to fit in somewhere as well (including the desire to try new things), and really, someone I just fit with. Someone that I’m comfortable with, who could sit on the couch with me, in undies, watching cartoons and eating some sugary cereal on a Sunday morning. Really, that sounds like the best.
That would be a terribly long-winded personal ad.
And the ring finger looking hasn’t been too hardcore for me. I’m sure it’ll get worse with age. I don’t know if I’ll do the marriage thing. It wouldn’t be for a long, long while. Not until I’m an established rock and roll goddess or halfway done with my dissertation in grad school. But really, I can’t predict the future. I do like the idea of finding someone to spend the rest of the time on the planet with. Well, more of the idea of spending the rest of my days with someone I can’t get enough of, and who can’t get enough of me. That sounds lovely.
Ring fingers with no vacancies can be a tricky thing though. First hand, I know what it’s like to be with someone who could care less about that ring on their finger, and honestly, it was an easy fact to ignore while I was with them. It’s something I’m not particularly proud of, but it’s the truth nevertheless. I’ve also had more innocent “taken guy” upsets this semester as well. There have been several guys who I’ll chat it up with at a pub or social setting and have a fantastic time with until 3 hours of their super hardcore flirting they divulge that they have a girlfriend in a really sly and subtle manner. One guy invited me back to his place one night for more drinks and camaraderie, but at the end of the night, as we were walking out, he grabbed a girl and said that it was time to go home. Yep, she was his girlfriend, whom he lived with, and I had the most awkward cup of tea of all time with the two of them at their apartment. He and I are good friends now though, but jesus. What the fuck.
Anyway I hash it, I’ll just have to wait until someone really catches my attention, and vice versa. I think I’ll have a much better chance finding someone who fits my bill in California than here. Standard physical beauty and fashion means a lot here, and I’ve always been one to follow the beat to my own fashion drum. There really isn’t a big desire for really short and nerdy looking girls, where back at San Francisco State, all my fellow feminists can’t wait to hook me up with every progressive, indie rock guy they know. But really, who wants a guy who’s a dedicated follower of indie fashion and a hardcore liberal? I just want someone who likes the music as much as me, isn’t a Republican or a Christian, and wants to kiss a lot. Sign me up for that line.
And now to question #4 (oh yes, I think it needs it’s own separated stanza for introduction.)
What I am looking for in a partner in crime. I can’t say that I actively look on a certain criteria of appearance, etc. The greatest relationships (whether long, or 24 hours) have been based on things that you can’t really see before you meet someone. These ideal relationships all came from almost accidental situations where we were both placed in and the chemistry really did the rest. You and I hated each other. We were children, and one day all I wanted to do was kiss you and spend all my time-sharing stories and music with you. I couldn’t have seen that sort of compatibility on the surface before we met, if I had looked for it. With Shane, we both worked on the morning announcements at our high school. We spent every morning together for 15 minutes devising what music to play and what pranks to pull on people, until one day we went on a formal date. Dane, a brief boyfriend I had in high school, I met at a 924 Gilman punk show through friends and by the end of the night we ended up making out right in the skuzzy parking lot surrounded by hardcore punks getting boozed and howling in the moonlight. Similar with another love interest in high school, I met him on my choir tour in Southern California. I went to their school dance and we ended up only talking to each other up in the school’s mountain until dawn. He still writes me, 5 years after the fact. The important information to glean from all of this is that I don’t think I could EVER have a substantial relationship with someone I met at a bar, or club, or other such nonsense. Honestly, I don’t think I could ever be attracted to someone who tries to pick up on me in such a skeezy setting.
I’ve never found something worth keeping while I was looking.
And with the older I get, the more I realize the fewer situations come along where you can truly grow a strong and fulfilling connection with another person on a spontaneous level, and, damn, does that ever sadden me. But, I’m not one of those desperate people who need a significant other to feel like a complete person. I’m not someone who just wants a relationship, but rather someone who really wants to spend her time with someone I click with so well that I can’t help but want to spend my time with him. A true partner in crime. Shouldn’t that be the point of a relationship? With this clever attitude I have on the matter, though, suggests that it will be a long while before someone who fits the bill will fall into my lap. And that does suck a bit, but I’m strong like bull, I am. And after the last relationship I had, I’m a little timid to go into another one knowing that there’s a possibility I could end up in the same place I was earlier this year - living with someone who really didn’t know anything about me.
So, really, I’m not looking for any specific qualities in potential beau. I want someone who really enjoys me in all my crazy nerdiness, and likes watching films, and wants to go to shows with me, and doesn’t mind that I do like to drink copious amounts of alcohol at times, and doesn’t throw hissy fits for no reason, who has their own strong opinions that aren’t always the same as mine, can carry a conversation and some intellectual banter as well, not a deal breaker but a guy who cooks is always a plus, someone who’ll share the house chores, has self-pride and takes physical care of themselves, doesn’t mind my intense liking of pictures of topless 50’s pin-ups, kittens and mermaids and also my body modifications (tattoos and piercings) and constant changes in my hair color, has passions even if it’s passionately hating something, eyeglasses are a definite “knee-weakening” plus, someone with their own style, someone I can trust, good sex has to fit in somewhere as well (including the desire to try new things), and really, someone I just fit with. Someone that I’m comfortable with, who could sit on the couch with me, in undies, watching cartoons and eating some sugary cereal on a Sunday morning. Really, that sounds like the best.
That would be a terribly long-winded personal ad.
And the ring finger looking hasn’t been too hardcore for me. I’m sure it’ll get worse with age. I don’t know if I’ll do the marriage thing. It wouldn’t be for a long, long while. Not until I’m an established rock and roll goddess or halfway done with my dissertation in grad school. But really, I can’t predict the future. I do like the idea of finding someone to spend the rest of the time on the planet with. Well, more of the idea of spending the rest of my days with someone I can’t get enough of, and who can’t get enough of me. That sounds lovely.
Ring fingers with no vacancies can be a tricky thing though. First hand, I know what it’s like to be with someone who could care less about that ring on their finger, and honestly, it was an easy fact to ignore while I was with them. It’s something I’m not particularly proud of, but it’s the truth nevertheless. I’ve also had more innocent “taken guy” upsets this semester as well. There have been several guys who I’ll chat it up with at a pub or social setting and have a fantastic time with until 3 hours of their super hardcore flirting they divulge that they have a girlfriend in a really sly and subtle manner. One guy invited me back to his place one night for more drinks and camaraderie, but at the end of the night, as we were walking out, he grabbed a girl and said that it was time to go home. Yep, she was his girlfriend, whom he lived with, and I had the most awkward cup of tea of all time with the two of them at their apartment. He and I are good friends now though, but jesus. What the fuck.
Anyway I hash it, I’ll just have to wait until someone really catches my attention, and vice versa. I think I’ll have a much better chance finding someone who fits my bill in California than here. Standard physical beauty and fashion means a lot here, and I’ve always been one to follow the beat to my own fashion drum. There really isn’t a big desire for really short and nerdy looking girls, where back at San Francisco State, all my fellow feminists can’t wait to hook me up with every progressive, indie rock guy they know. But really, who wants a guy who’s a dedicated follower of indie fashion and a hardcore liberal? I just want someone who likes the music as much as me, isn’t a Republican or a Christian, and wants to kiss a lot. Sign me up for that line.