come cut this sickness from my mind*
ughhh 3 am rants.
when you're confronted with a truth... One is always quick to jump on the gun and do the best they can to reassure you... But that doesn't change anything...
Why are we feeling like this?
Why are we dwelling in this misery?
Is it because of what happened...
I'm feeling this way because of what happened.
Does she feel this way because she feels responsible for what happened?
We need to let go... Yah what happened was shitty but we need to know that there are better times ahead for us... That is was just a "minor" setback.
I need us back to the way we were... Before I can feel ready to consider moving... I'm not going there with our relationship in shambles... The lack of phonecalls... I used to always look forward to coming home and seeing an email or a little message from her... It would always put a smile on my face... Now there's hardly any of that... She used to wake up early to talk to me... Now i'm lucky to just get a good morning and then she's off to get ready for work... We used to
This isin't the way it should be...
We don't need to turn to meds or alcohol to cope... I'm barely hanging on... My heart is dying... If she means the words she says and wants to do whatever she can to get us back to the way we were, I'm ready... I've been ready for 2 months... And I'm not seeing any attempts at this...
Her solution for me is to just move there... That's the easy way out, and the stakes are greater... I want us to be the loving happy couple we were before all of this... I want PROGRESS before anything... We need to rebuild what's fallen apart... Before I even consider coming out there.
This may sound repetitive everytime... But this is for me... I need to see these words in from of my eyes. And to know where my heart stands...
I love her above anything else there's no doubt about that.
But when we think about each other it shouldn't be with pain... it was 2 weeks... we need to get over it... and that's what I've been trying to do, and for myself I have been making slow progress, but it is progress.
We need to get back to the smiles, the laughter, the true love that we had...
She says she looks for the attention of others... which makes me wonder. I used to not have any doubt about her words... One of my many flaws is I'm very paranoid and I've had girlfriends in the past fuck me over... I find myself wondering when she goes out... If its just the attention of friends, or other boys... In the beginning I never had doubt with her... And she should know that she should not have any doubts with me ever... She still has my attention and I'm willing to still give it, as I always have... But it seems she doesn't want mine as much... If she wants to get back to the way things are like she says... She needs to know that she shouldn't feel miserable about what she did anymore... I love her too much to hold that against her.
So if you're reading this... we need to make progress now.
My heart is dying. It shouldn't be this way.
Memories of each other shouldn't be attached with pain.
We've had so much love, so many laughs, so many good memories.
And its fucking stupid that 2 weeks of shittyness has overshadowed all that love.
I need to know this is still worth fighting for.
Because I feel like I'm ready to just lay down my guns and raise the white flag.
I have to hold on... I need to hold on.
I'm sure all those who read this are thinking the same thing... Well fuck you. I'm fighting this until the bitter end. There's too much to give up on...
I was so happy. Happiest I've been in a very long time... I should still have that feeling. But its been replaced with all this fucking shit. I need that feeling back.
What hurts the most for me is... That I never saw this coming.
What hurts the most for me is when you're almost certain that this is the one thing in your life that you have never been so sure of. And it slaps you in the face.
Get over it.
Let go.
That's what I keep telling myself.
...And I'm tired of wondering where you are and who you're with.
I hate being paranoid like this.
We need to rebuild.
Not when I come out there.
NOW.
This has to start now.
I need to feel that warmth again before I'm ready.
I'm still holding on.
But I'm losing grip.
I need you to hold onto me.
No regrets. Ever.
when you're confronted with a truth... One is always quick to jump on the gun and do the best they can to reassure you... But that doesn't change anything...
Why are we feeling like this?
Why are we dwelling in this misery?
Is it because of what happened...
I'm feeling this way because of what happened.
Does she feel this way because she feels responsible for what happened?
We need to let go... Yah what happened was shitty but we need to know that there are better times ahead for us... That is was just a "minor" setback.
I need us back to the way we were... Before I can feel ready to consider moving... I'm not going there with our relationship in shambles... The lack of phonecalls... I used to always look forward to coming home and seeing an email or a little message from her... It would always put a smile on my face... Now there's hardly any of that... She used to wake up early to talk to me... Now i'm lucky to just get a good morning and then she's off to get ready for work... We used to
This isin't the way it should be...
We don't need to turn to meds or alcohol to cope... I'm barely hanging on... My heart is dying... If she means the words she says and wants to do whatever she can to get us back to the way we were, I'm ready... I've been ready for 2 months... And I'm not seeing any attempts at this...
Her solution for me is to just move there... That's the easy way out, and the stakes are greater... I want us to be the loving happy couple we were before all of this... I want PROGRESS before anything... We need to rebuild what's fallen apart... Before I even consider coming out there.
This may sound repetitive everytime... But this is for me... I need to see these words in from of my eyes. And to know where my heart stands...
I love her above anything else there's no doubt about that.
But when we think about each other it shouldn't be with pain... it was 2 weeks... we need to get over it... and that's what I've been trying to do, and for myself I have been making slow progress, but it is progress.
We need to get back to the smiles, the laughter, the true love that we had...
She says she looks for the attention of others... which makes me wonder. I used to not have any doubt about her words... One of my many flaws is I'm very paranoid and I've had girlfriends in the past fuck me over... I find myself wondering when she goes out... If its just the attention of friends, or other boys... In the beginning I never had doubt with her... And she should know that she should not have any doubts with me ever... She still has my attention and I'm willing to still give it, as I always have... But it seems she doesn't want mine as much... If she wants to get back to the way things are like she says... She needs to know that she shouldn't feel miserable about what she did anymore... I love her too much to hold that against her.
So if you're reading this... we need to make progress now.
My heart is dying. It shouldn't be this way.
Memories of each other shouldn't be attached with pain.
We've had so much love, so many laughs, so many good memories.
And its fucking stupid that 2 weeks of shittyness has overshadowed all that love.
I need to know this is still worth fighting for.
Because I feel like I'm ready to just lay down my guns and raise the white flag.
I have to hold on... I need to hold on.
I'm sure all those who read this are thinking the same thing... Well fuck you. I'm fighting this until the bitter end. There's too much to give up on...
I was so happy. Happiest I've been in a very long time... I should still have that feeling. But its been replaced with all this fucking shit. I need that feeling back.
What hurts the most for me is... That I never saw this coming.
What hurts the most for me is when you're almost certain that this is the one thing in your life that you have never been so sure of. And it slaps you in the face.
Get over it.
Let go.
That's what I keep telling myself.
...And I'm tired of wondering where you are and who you're with.
I hate being paranoid like this.
We need to rebuild.
Not when I come out there.
NOW.
This has to start now.
I need to feel that warmth again before I'm ready.
I'm still holding on.
But I'm losing grip.
I need you to hold onto me.
No regrets. Ever.