Short-Short, Rough Draft for Fiction Workshop

[destinyforetold]

Convention
The mad rooster shrieked inside his coop while the sun lay across mountains as if a mattress made of bad springs. I couldn’t spit, so I reached up to my forehead and wiped the sweat peeping from out my skin. The slick salt slipped into my eyes, causing the two figures standing above me to shimmer like a mirage in the dead of winter. I

Comments

[hangmans_fable]

holding up that sky

[sliverofsanity]

I got something off my chest to make room for the bullet inside.

That gave me chills.
Also, the line about pretending the snot was taffy really illustrates how desperate the situation is...yet it doesn't feel quite so desperate, as the narrator is down-to-earth and dies just about laughing. Though the "curled up like a fox on the side of the road" is appropriately gritty.

Great job setting up a story and filling in details via stream-of-consciousness.

[destinyforetold]

Thank you muchly, I appreciate the kind words and specifics.

I will be sure to post now and again during your many entries that feature fine writing within itself.

I do read them, just rarely comment. Glad you took the time.