(no subject)
So I talked to Jacob for a whole minute today. He asked if i'm not talkin to him b/c i found a boyfriend at college. WHAT!?!?! i dont understand! Why would he say that? why would he even mess around like that. Maybe i should just forget about him. i know that nothin could happen right now. we did make it work for a little bit...but we were kinda sneakin around. now, i guess im tired of it. he seems to be actin a little...sneakier. like him and christina hooked back up again...n he doesnt want me to find out. i know i cant be upset b/c i got into this relationship knowin he still lived with her...but, i dont know. i guess i was just hopin that what we had...really meant something...and i was really really hoping that he would be about to get outta their house and find another place to stay ...but that doesnt just happen overnight. it takes time, i understand. its just crazy how we are soooo close, and then suddenly we go 2 days without talkin...and its like we are strangers. i dont know. i guess it isnt worth it. i guess i have already made up my mind. i just...hate itbecause now...i guess everything is starting to come back at me, and im gettin so anxious again, and it scares me, and i need someone to go to. normally it wouldhave been him...but now who? I can always go to my cousin, but now she works and with my schedule, its so hard to drive to her house. i know its only fifteen or twenty minutes away...but it seems so much longer when you have to drive through the mountains. i dont really care for the long scary road either. *sigh* why do i have to be like this now? i was doing so well.
Should i go on the blind date? i really kinda dont want to. but im afraid to say no. i dont want to be all mean about it, but, its just kinda weird... plus i think ive kinda got a better picture of what i want my future husband to be like! it is a mandatory that he is able to get along with my parents, and he has to be able to listen to and enjoy chicano music...because that's a big part of my moms side of the family. we just sit in my grandmas house and listen to it...and that's what they play at weddings and other celebrations...AND that's the kinda music my uncle plays with his band. i grew up to it...and its a big part of my family. im not sayin he has to like it...but he has to be able to stand it...and dance to it...with me of course...well maybe not. i dont really dance. oh well. i have to some day. i wonder who he is? where he is? what he will be like...
i want to finish my education and get a good job. but a part of me really wants to have my own place...with my hubby...settle down...and have a family. a BABY GIRL of course!!! withmy cute tiny little toy doggie!!! i kidna want a girl doggie...but i really want her to be a toy! preferably white...kinda curly poofy fur, but not tooo much poof. i just dont know what breed. hmm.. i must ponder a while about that one...
Should i go on the blind date? i really kinda dont want to. but im afraid to say no. i dont want to be all mean about it, but, its just kinda weird... plus i think ive kinda got a better picture of what i want my future husband to be like! it is a mandatory that he is able to get along with my parents, and he has to be able to listen to and enjoy chicano music...because that's a big part of my moms side of the family. we just sit in my grandmas house and listen to it...and that's what they play at weddings and other celebrations...AND that's the kinda music my uncle plays with his band. i grew up to it...and its a big part of my family. im not sayin he has to like it...but he has to be able to stand it...and dance to it...with me of course...well maybe not. i dont really dance. oh well. i have to some day. i wonder who he is? where he is? what he will be like...
i want to finish my education and get a good job. but a part of me really wants to have my own place...with my hubby...settle down...and have a family. a BABY GIRL of course!!! withmy cute tiny little toy doggie!!! i kidna want a girl doggie...but i really want her to be a toy! preferably white...kinda curly poofy fur, but not tooo much poof. i just dont know what breed. hmm.. i must ponder a while about that one...