(no subject)
Your friends are supposed to be there for you when you need them. Every time it seems that when I see one of my friends needs something, I am there. I guess I have always just pushed myself aside, even when I may have been going through my own things, so that I could be there for the people I care about. I love being able to reach out and help, even if there is nothing i can do to help at all. So tell me why is it that I have to go through all of this shit, and feel like I have to do it alone? I guess part of that is my problem. I've went to several people to talk, and they all give me advice, and then expect me to do what they say because "they have a clearer head and don't want to see me get hurt" I don't want to get hurt either. But if I am, it's going to be by my choice and not somebody else's. So when I do what I want to or feel like I need to, they all start acting weird around me, and have lately just kinda shrugged me off I guess. I mean yeah, for the first couple of days, i couldn't get anybody to leave me alone. But in all honesty, yeah the first couple of days is hard, but I was in protect mode (so to speak). I had a few bad moments, inbetween me acting like a rock and trying to pretend that things didn't bother me. I try to do that alot. I don't want anybody to see how weak I really am inside. But I still need somebody to talk to, regardless. But when it comes to everyone else, I am as strong as I need to be, because I know that during tough times, you sometimes need somebody to be strong for you. I won't let anybody be strong for me, I try to be strong for myself. I just have kinda stopped talking to people about it. Because 1.) I don't want to feel obligated to follow everything they tell me, and 2.) I know after a while it kinda gets old having to listen to other people's problems all of the time. Especially when you give advice and they don't listen. I guess in a way, I am more stubborn than what I ever admitted to being. I mean it's not like I bitch or complain, but occasionally I bring something up, and I feel like I am just burdening them with my problems. They try to invite me out with them, and to go do things, or just to hang out around the house. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't. But regardless of what I am doing, I would always rather be somewhere else.
It just sucks when you just want to call somebody and talk or say hi, or just even hear their voice, and you feel like you can't. Guess I did it to myself. Well, whatever is gonna happen will happen. I guess we will see . . . .
It just sucks when you just want to call somebody and talk or say hi, or just even hear their voice, and you feel like you can't. Guess I did it to myself. Well, whatever is gonna happen will happen. I guess we will see . . . .