Friends
Ok, so some friends you just know will be there for you through thick and thin, and others call you when they need something. Some will talk about you behind your back and some will tell you to your face when you've fucked up. But the kind of friend I try to be to everyone is the type that will always be there for you regardless of how tough things get. We all need at least one friend like that. I'm glad that I can be that person for someone who really needs a friend right now. I guess thats where I begin my story for this week. I recently found out that one of my very good friends was about to make one of the biggest mistakes a person can make in life. Now granted she has never been that type of friend to me, we used to hang out all the time, do stupid shit together, but i always valued her friendship because she made things fun. I never considered her to be the type of person I could just pour my problems out on. Maybe that's why she didn't confide in me that she was having problems. It has been a couple of weeks since I have talked to her, and even then it was only for a few minutes. But I couldn't see the torment she was apparently under and for that I'm sorry. I should have been there for her. I think about all the people that I have became close to over the years and boy is it the truth when they say that friends come and go. I have had so many people that I was very good friends that we have just lost touch completely. I know that they would be easy enough to get a hold of. Some I really want to catch up with and some I would rather not. I know when people grow older they go their separate ways and not even mean to, but they develop their own lives. That's life. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I try to be like the superhero in my friendships. I always try to find a way to make things better for everyone. I enjoy being peoples shoulder to cry on because I care about people so much and I don't like to see people in pain. I guess I like to help people through their problems so that in the future if I were to encounter the same problems, I would know how to solve them. . . Sounds crazy but definitely true. I believe everything is a learning experience. My downfall with that is that I care so much that I become totally naive and think that if I am a good friend to somebody that I will get that in return. It doesn't always work that way. Some of my very best friends have taken advantage of me and stabbed me in the back. So needless to say, I have become very careful about who I let into my little world because I don't want to get hurt. I will be there for anyone who needs me but at the same time, I feel sometimes like I don't have anyone to talk to or lean on for support. Especially in the situation I am in now. It's not that I am ashamed of the way I have been living my life. It's just hard for me to explain to somebody that I am close to that has never been through something similar how I am feeling. The other day K asked me if I had any friends that I could talk to about my problems and I thought about it. My stomach dropped and I realized that I really don't have any of my friends that I could talk to about my situation and that really hurt. I know that she tries to be as much of that as she can and she succeeds but she is right by saying that there are some things that I just can't talk to her about. I really regret losing touch with those people that I was once close to. I wish I had them here to lean on. But I guess the phone works both ways. I am lucky for what I have and I am strong. I will deal with things as they come. I have blessed with this wonderful gift, someone who I know will always be there for me and has been when I needed her recently. I just hope that I can be as good of a friend to her as she has been to me. I know she needs me right now. So I will set all of my problems aside and be there for her as much as I can right now. And I will never let her friendship go because she means more to me now than ever and if she needed me I would drop anything to be there for her. I hope she knows that. I want to bless her with all the love and support she deserves and I hope she knows that she will never have to walk any broken roads alone anymore. I love you more than ever, K. And I hope I can be the kind of friend that you need me to be. I hope you had a good time at the concert, and I look forward to many happy moments as well as walls to climb together because I know that together we could get through anything. I love you, K. Sweet dreams!!!