Too early to tell
The initial seed was planted near the end of 1999. It took almost 3 years to harvest, but I think with everything in life, there is a time or a place for everything. No matter how much you try to expedite or freeze time, it seems to happen outside of your own control. I've been living in NYC for 3 years. If I were to create a timeline, I have lived here the same amount of time that it took me to move here. It's been a very splendid time for me. I never felt like I was at home until I moved to NYC. I can recount numerous stories that illustrate why and how I felt and still believe that NYC for many ways was a homecoming. I can digress again and write about my other experiences living in Chicago, S.CAL, San Francisco Bay area, Seattle, and Korea, but I think that's for another time.
I love NYC. There probably couldn't have been a better place for me to live during my transition from my late 20's to my early 30's. I have been blessed with making some good friends, living through some great stories and on the way learning valuable life lessons. I never thought or could foresee a time that I would want to leave NYC. I often wondered how strange that was for me. I'm not a detailed planner, but instead I can spot phases/transition points in my life like stars on the coming night horizon. This time it was different. I couldn't envision my destination but instead my life in NYC was a journey. I guess that is probably one of the biggest lessons learned - to live life in the moment instead of the perpetual, forever future. Another lesson was how things that were buried and resolved in life are never gone. It can linger.
Well, I'm writing from tangents again and my unity and cohesion is going to crap. I've never really learned how to write a unified, cohesive paragraph or paper for the matter without it being redundant. I basically see an end to my NYC journey. I want to leave. I'm not sure if I want to leave for the right reasons, but I think it is time for me to evolve somewhere else. Where will that be? My bet is somewhere on the West Coast. My timeframe most likely is 2 to 5 years, but the picture is still blurry. I'm not sure what I want to do yet when I grow up. I still have options, but I think it is time now to erase a couple of options (top male gigolo, worlds greatest aluminum foil origami artist) and choose a deeper path.
I want to spend more time with my family - my parents "knock on wood" before they pass away. My brother and his family before I miss another b-day. My nephew and niece are already 5.5 and 3.5. I want to leave the hustle and bustle of the big city for more access to the outdoors. I want to become more quiet and listen to a more peaceful world.
It's a bit ironic. I feel so calm when I moved to NYC. I tend to be an active person to the point of being restless. I always want things now and little things in life from the local interaction with your grocery store clerk seem not to happen fast enough. But in NYC, it did and at times I realized people should take it a bit slower instead of rushing. I think I've learned how to live slower - probably better put that my inner clock has been too tightly wound and now has been calibrated for the first time correctly. It's too early to tell still. I recently read this amusing quote by Mao Tse-tung...when asked to comment on the meaning of the French revolution, he said "It's too early to tell." Maybe it just is too early to tell. Why are we all in such a rush to define, categorize everything when it's probably better to leave TBD.
I have some career/life/destiny choices coming or maybe I don't. How's this...like the final episode of Six Feet Under where the sister is driving off to NYC, you see flashes of how everyone life has ended. We all die in the end don't we. And like many great people before us who have told us it's not really that important when you are born and when you die but instead what you do inbetween. My inbetween has been pretty damn wonderful even with the furies keeping me company on the way.
What am I trying to say now? It's all too early to tell.
I love NYC. There probably couldn't have been a better place for me to live during my transition from my late 20's to my early 30's. I have been blessed with making some good friends, living through some great stories and on the way learning valuable life lessons. I never thought or could foresee a time that I would want to leave NYC. I often wondered how strange that was for me. I'm not a detailed planner, but instead I can spot phases/transition points in my life like stars on the coming night horizon. This time it was different. I couldn't envision my destination but instead my life in NYC was a journey. I guess that is probably one of the biggest lessons learned - to live life in the moment instead of the perpetual, forever future. Another lesson was how things that were buried and resolved in life are never gone. It can linger.
Well, I'm writing from tangents again and my unity and cohesion is going to crap. I've never really learned how to write a unified, cohesive paragraph or paper for the matter without it being redundant. I basically see an end to my NYC journey. I want to leave. I'm not sure if I want to leave for the right reasons, but I think it is time for me to evolve somewhere else. Where will that be? My bet is somewhere on the West Coast. My timeframe most likely is 2 to 5 years, but the picture is still blurry. I'm not sure what I want to do yet when I grow up. I still have options, but I think it is time now to erase a couple of options (top male gigolo, worlds greatest aluminum foil origami artist) and choose a deeper path.
I want to spend more time with my family - my parents "knock on wood" before they pass away. My brother and his family before I miss another b-day. My nephew and niece are already 5.5 and 3.5. I want to leave the hustle and bustle of the big city for more access to the outdoors. I want to become more quiet and listen to a more peaceful world.
It's a bit ironic. I feel so calm when I moved to NYC. I tend to be an active person to the point of being restless. I always want things now and little things in life from the local interaction with your grocery store clerk seem not to happen fast enough. But in NYC, it did and at times I realized people should take it a bit slower instead of rushing. I think I've learned how to live slower - probably better put that my inner clock has been too tightly wound and now has been calibrated for the first time correctly. It's too early to tell still. I recently read this amusing quote by Mao Tse-tung...when asked to comment on the meaning of the French revolution, he said "It's too early to tell." Maybe it just is too early to tell. Why are we all in such a rush to define, categorize everything when it's probably better to leave TBD.
I have some career/life/destiny choices coming or maybe I don't. How's this...like the final episode of Six Feet Under where the sister is driving off to NYC, you see flashes of how everyone life has ended. We all die in the end don't we. And like many great people before us who have told us it's not really that important when you are born and when you die but instead what you do inbetween. My inbetween has been pretty damn wonderful even with the furies keeping me company on the way.
What am I trying to say now? It's all too early to tell.