Depression is kicking back in....

[destined2fall]

I'm sick of the same old thing. Go to therapy, feel a lot better cause I saw Kathy, a few days later that feeling has faded away and it's back to the depressing place. It's the same everytime. Then I spend a week and a half wanting to call Kathy to talk to her because I feel so shitty. She's always telling me to call her but I feel like if I call more than once or whatever, that I'll be annoying her. Although she says different, I cannot help but feel that way. What the heck is holding me back from believing in her completely? It's I keep saying to myself that she isn't always gonna be around and that's the truth. I have such issues with getting close to people because I always wind up losing them in some way or another.When I go to Florida I have to let myself call her, cause I know I am going to want to a lot. She said not to worry about the Christmas holiday and stuff, to call if I need to. How much nicer can she get? I am not gonna see her for 3 weeks and that's bothering me but I'm trying to focus on the fact that I will be with my family. It's just that I get to see the piece of shit uncle who molested me. That's when it gets a little weird. But I know it will be okay. It has to be.

I haven't cut in three days! It's a start I guess. I've been working on the collage thing that I have to do for therapy. It went from 1 page to 2 pages and now I'm on three. So that's been keeping me distracted I guess. So that's good. I'm gonna try to make it until I see Kathy at least. We'll see. I haven't been able to go to her and say "no I haven't cut". And I've been seeing her for 8 months. Well it's really more like 4 since I see her every two weeks.

I'm gonna go to bed soon since I have to wake up super early for my damn appt. Let's see if they change my meds yet again! Grrrrrr.