On the edge, FANFIC
Title: On the edge
Rating: Most definitely NC-13 (Deathfic)
Summary: Ian just cannot keep living with it. Deathfic and songfic on the song Bullet of Hollywood Undead.
AN: I hope you'll enjoy. That's the first story I post here (I already post it on fanfiction.net) and english is'nt my first language so... be tolerant! ^.^ Good reading!
On the edgeI took a deep breath, chuckling softly. Here, on the top of a building, I can see the town below me. Everything seems so small. The lights of the town slowly light up the streets where some tiny passers scramble for living. Yeah, that’s the perfect place. Maybe far away from my home, but still the perfect place.
My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn't work again,
I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.How did I come to this? I empty my bottle at a gulp and laying it next to me. I take a moment to enjoy the wind on my face and close my eyes. Anthony… Why? Since that night, that night where I finally decided to reveal you that I loved you since all those years, that night where I’ve waited you forever while I should never see you again. Since that night, you wouldn’t be proud to see what I’ve become.
Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again,
It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends,
I'm sitting on the edge with my 2 best friends,
Ones a bottle of pills, ones a bottle of gin,
I'm 20 stories up, yeah I'm up at the top,
I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off,
Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,
I bet my momma found my letter, now she’s calling the cops,
I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,
'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance,
Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent,
'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,
I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,
But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,
I never bought a suit before in my life,
But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice.When I learned that a bank robber shot you when you were just gone to get 20 dollars for going get us a pizza, I was devastated. I had cleaned up the entire house, I had made myself beautiful and I had been in the kitchen, waiting impatiently for you to come back home, all the night! When the phone had rang at three hours in the morning, my first thought was then you were out of gas and didn’t wanted to call before, too pride for that. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was a cops who asked me if I knew a man named Anthony Padilla and, on a phone, told me you were dead! I slowly hung up the phone and went out in the yard. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream. I was empty. It was just impossible. How the man of my life, who was also my best friend, could be gone? At about five in the morning, when the sun started to rise, I walked into the house. At this moment, a ray of sunshine stabbed the window to go land on a picture of you, enlightening your eyes of miles apart. It’s at this moment than I got it. I would never see your eyes again. I would never see you smile at me and joked about my hair and I would never hear your perfect laugh. At this moment, I hated the life. My wrists can prove it, but, surprise, the pain to feel my blood drain out of me cannot even equal that to lose you. At your funeral, I was unrecognizable. Yeah, I’m sorry. I have to admit than you wouldn’t have been proud of me. Not shave since a few days, an unadjusted smoking, and A LOT of alcohol in the blood didn’t helped. I’m really sorry, but I caught up! I’m sober since a week! Ok, the bottles I’ve drink today doesn’t count. So, like I was saying, I was sober a week to settle all your papers and your grave. I was there before coming. It’s wonderful, but you must know it. In short, all this rants to say than I can’t live without you.
So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow.
My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn't work again,
I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.Finally, I’ve never could kiss you, I’ve never could spend my hand on your perfect body and I’ve never could explore it as much as I have wanted, but I’m glad of the time I spend with you. Sometimes we had fights, but they were always short and insignificant. You’re the better thing who could happen to me. I don’t know if I’ll see you again after this plunge. I don’t know if there is a heaven or a hell. I know anything except the fact that I loved you and I’ll always do.
So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow.
My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn't work again,
I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.The cops are coming. It’s time. I get up, leaving some red marks on the roof of the building with my hands. A little unsteady, alcohol in the blood, I settle upright on the edge of the void. The wind pushes me from behind, as a last message of hope, but it's too late. Your absence hurt me too much, I cannot live without you. I miss your arms, even if they didn’t done what I wanted. I will probably never know how you felt about me, but if there is a chance to find this out, it’s by joining you up there. I spread my arms slowly. A final flurry ... and let myself fall into the void.
I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,
Like a bird so high,
Oh I might just try,
I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky…... Because I know that soon or late I’ll find you there. I love you Anthony Padilla.
The End
ps: Sorry for my really bad english and for all the mistakes X( But I love my story! HAHA! Don't worry, ego problem... ^.^