Primeval: All Grief to Refrain

[desree_rd]

Title: All Grief to Refrain
Author: Desiree
Rating: PG 13
Characters: Stephen/Nick, Abby, Connor, Becker, OC soldier
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their various creators (who aren't me, sadly). Title is borrowed from the song Health to the Company, because I suck at coming up with one.
Summary: Not all anomalies bring death. Sometimes, they

Comments

[lukadreaming]

This is absolutely gorgeous, and I snivelled a little at the end! The different voices in it worked beautifully, and the last line was lovely. I hope you're going to bring us more wonderful fic!

If you do ever want a Brit-checker/beta, just shout. I'm happy to do it, as are fredbassett and fififolle.

There are only very minor points. As the others have said, it should be advice (the noun) and not advise (the verb).

This sentence needs turning around a little:
“You're awfully calm about this,” deflected Cutter the sentiment instead.

You could make it: "You're awfully calm about this." Cutter deflected the sentiment instead.

It didn't take long for Hart to get with the program.
This isn't really a Brit expression -- you could use 'It didn't take long for Hart to cotton on.'

Otherwise, there were two minor tense slips -- I can let you know them if you want!

[desree_rd]

Thank you!

I'd want to apologize for making everyone sniffle, but since it's also kind of a compliment to me, it'd really be a lie...

If I ever do manage to write anything substantial again, I might take you up on that offer. My vocabulary tends to reflect the shows I'm watching, but since most of them are of the US make, I'm not as firm in British colloquialisms.

-This sentence needs turning around a little:
“You're awfully calm about this,” deflected Cutter the sentiment instead.
I thought it sounded weird when I proof-read, but sometimes I just manage to confuse myself when I think too hard on the grammar, so things like this happen -_-;

-It didn't take long for Hart to get with the program.
This isn't really a Brit expression -- you could use 'It didn't take long for Hart to cotton on.'
That's what I thought, but I couldn't think of an appropriate synonym.

Thank you again!

(Also, I think I just caught one of the slip-ups when I edited, but if it's not too much trouble, could you point your findings out?)

[lukadreaming]

Really hope you will write some more Primeval fic!

The tense slips I noticed were:

It's been so long since he felt like laughing, he'd been afraid he didn't even understand the concept anymore.

That should be: It had been . . . And any more is two words in UK English, btw!

Faint shouts of “Caitie!” reached his ear then, and Stephen felt guilty for almost forgetting about the little girl Lance Corporal Jenkins and he came here to retrieve.

That should be: . . . Lance Corporal Jenkins and he had come here to retrieve.

[desree_rd]

I do too. But in this hot weather, my inspiration is all but gone - for the moment, anyway (39°C in the shadows, wtf)

Anyway, thanks! Going to edit now.
He, they did teach us BE in school. To start with. And then I discovered fanfiction, and now my British spelling is shot to hell XD

[lukadreaming]

39C???????? OMFG! I think my inspiration would have curled up in a corner somewhere as well *g*.

Glad to help!