(no subject)
forget the last entry. my parents are going to make me kill myself. after my dad finished fucking screaming his head of at me i sat on this bench thing under all these trees. i could hear the trees moving in the wind and cracking. and all i hoped and wished was that one of the trees would fall on my head and kill me. or just erase my memory or hurt me terribly. if i owned a gun i would shoot my parents then shoot myself. i would shoot them so before i died i could hear their screams and hear them beg for mercy or tell me once more how they want to send me to a mental institution or therapy. they can go fuck themselves. YES i`m pissed off right now. and now i`m going to be left home alone with my father and brother. oh joy. i`m more than positive i will be yelled at again. i hope my father beats me. and beats me so terribly i limp outside and can just fall into our pond and drown myself. or i just fall to the floor and die. so that my dad can cry and say wow this is all my fault. i`m never going to get to yell at her again? what am i going to do? but i would feel bad because i bet he would yell at my brother and it would be all my fault. all my mother cares about is punishing me so ofcourse why would she care about all this. she would jsut ground me and want to send me to the mental hospital. i would kill myself in there. or have someone else do it. i wish i had drugs so i could overdose on them. or i could drink so much alchohol that my system just shut down and i died in my sleep over nite. maybe these thoughts are terrible. but hey that`s my life. and don`t i*m me going.. lindsey your live journal scared me a little. because i don`t fucking care. the other i almost died. damn i wish i did sometimes.