Love Me Like Music - Part 3 NC17
Title: Love Me Like Music - Part 3
Author: despina_moon
Rating: NC17
Pairing(s): Gojyo/Hakkai (Background Sanzo/Goku)
Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Summary: Hakkai's life isn't so good of late. He has a case of unrequited love, some serious financial issues, and a recently acquired fanboy. However, he's quick to notice that this isn't the average fanboy.
Notes: Written for 7thnight_smut and the following prompt:
Pairing/Prompt: Gojyo/Hakkai
Modern day. Rock band setting with Gojyo as the front man. You can decide what Hakkai's role is: eg. member of the band, manager, part of the music industry, or somebody outside of it that Gojyo is interested in.
Loads of thanks to the marvelous betafu and mad handholding from kispexi2 and whymzycal. Thank goodness they were there to talk me off the ledge and drag my sleep deprived, sorry ass across the finish line.
Warnings: Lots of sex. Romance. Misuse of perfectly good minor characters. Did I mention lots of sex?
Love Me like Music - Part 3
Consciousness came back to him when the elevator started to move. Hakkai was embarrassed to realize that Gojyo's arm around his waist was the only thing keeping him on his feet. He forced his body upright, trying to regain some composure.
"Hakkai, just relax, okay? It's not like I haven't been dragged home a few times after a fight. No big deal."
No big deal. Hakkai would have laughed if he hadn't understood how sincere Gojyo was. Besides, he didn't have the energy to laugh or even argue about it. Instead, he let Gojyo guide him through a dark apartment and finally to a bed.
Hakkai paused, staring down at it. Was it Gojyo's bed?
"I brought you in here because I don't think you'll be going anywhere for a while. So just sit. The doc should be here soon, and she'll fix you up."
"A doctor?" Hakkai's tongue felt thick and dry. "But I don't need--"
"Yes, you do. Now sit down before you fall down. I promise I'm not going to take advantage of you."
"As if you could." Hakkai smiled. "I just don't want to get blood on the bedding."
"Dude, come on." Gojyo gently--but insistently--pushed him onto the bed. "I get it, but stop being so difficult and help me out here a little bit. Just … please. Okay?"
Hakkai sat down.
"Thank you. Now, stay there while I get something to clean you up with." Gojyo walked away. Bright light angled across the room and pain flared in Hakkai's head.
He closed his eyes and removed his glasses. From behind his eyelids, the red-veined glow suddenly winked out. Experimentally, he cracked open an eye and saw a low, candescent light filling a large room.
"Well, you know how to ruin a guy's chances for fun, don't you?" Gojyo asked, as he leaned over and began to wipe away blood from Hakkai's face with a wet towel.
Hakkai stiffened. "I'll be fine, you really don't have to trouble yourself--"
"Shut up, Hakkai." Gojyo moved very close, scrutinizing the wound. "Eh, it's a lot of blood, but it's not too bad. It might not even need stitches. Now, let's see your shoulder."
Hakkai gritted his teeth as Gojyo eased off first his jacket and then his shirt.
"Well, it doesn't look like anything's broken, but you're going to have a whopper of a bruise. I'll bet it hurts like fuck."
Gojyo poked at his shoulder, and Hakkai hissed in pain.
"Yep." Gojyo chuckled. "The doc can fix that. Well, maybe not fix it, but she can make you not care about it."
"I assure you, I really don't need--"
"Right. For fuck's sake, you're so uptight--just relax, will ya?" Gojyo took Hakkai's glasses from him and placed his hand flat against Hakkai's chest, pressing him back onto the bed. "Besides, you wouldn't have been hurt if you weren't with me. Banri's kind of a dick that way."
Hakkai fell back with a sigh into the softness of the bed. "Do you and Banri … have a history together?"
Gojyo smiled and then stepped to the end of the bed. "So, you're curious about that crack he made, huh?"
Hakkai winced, wondering about his lack of tact. "I'm sorry, it's really none of my business."
Untying Hakkai's worn shoes, Gojyo slipped them off one by one. He shrugged. "It's all right, I got nothing to hide. Yeah, it happened, but it's not like we were in love or anything. More like a little drunk and a lot horny. We did it a few times, but that was before the groupies started hanging around. It's all ancient history."
Hakkai didn't know how to respond to such openness, it was so foreign to him. But he was glad he'd not held back with Banri. Maybe more than a little glad.
Gojyo sat down on the bed next to him. "It makes me happy, though."
"What makes you happy?"
"That you wanted to know. Makes me think you might think of me as more than a casual thing."
Hakkai wasn't up to this conversation. He wasn't ready. Not yet. "Gojyo, I'm not--"
The doorbell rang.
"It's the doc." Gojyo stood up and stepped towards the door. "Oh, and Hakkai, hang on for this one, the doc tends to be something of a force of nature."
Hakkai closed his eyes and tried to center himself. He heard the doorbell again and then a low, sultry voice that didn't really sound like a woman.
"Oh, Gojyo, darling, what have you gotten yourself into this time?"
Darling? Hakkai sat up. The sudden movement made him dizzy.
Gojyo's voice contained an edge of sternness when he said, "I know it will be hard for you, but try and take it easy on him, okay?
The door flew open. "Of course, darling. I always take good care of my patients."
She was an imposing figure, easily as tall as Gojyo and exuding a confidence that would make any cat proud. Her hair fell in dark ringlets past her waist, her short skirt showed off her long, shapely legs but covered little else, and her blouse was low-cut enough that nipples threatened to peek out from behind the purple fabric.
She floated toward Hakkai. "My, you are a pretty one, aren’t you?"
Hakkai stared. She looked like a beautiful woman, but there was something a little … masculine about her.
"Well." She placed her bag on the bed and then her hands on her hips. "Let's have a look at you, shall we? I'll need you to take off the rest of your clothes."
"Doc!" Gojyo elbowed her in the ribs.
"Tch." She glared at Gojyo. "When did you get to be such a buzz kill? Oh, never mind." She reached for her bag and pulled out a hand-held light. Grabbing Hakkai's chin, she switched it on, leaned close, and then paused.
"This really isn't necessary." Hakkai looked into her gray eyes. "I feel fine."
"Is your right eye permanently dilated?"
"Yes."
"Hmm." She straightened and tossed the light back into her bag. "What happened to it?"
"I was poked by a sharp stick."
Gojyo blinked at him. "Seriously? By someone you knew?"
"Yes. My sister, when we were kids."
The doctor frowned. "An accident?"
"Somewhat." What was he doing, what was he saying? "But it was my fault, too. She had some … issues."
The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Had?"
"Yes." He cleared his throat. "She passed away last year." He glanced at Gojyo, and his look of concern kept the words flowing. "Took her own life, actually." He hadn't talked so candidly about Kanan before, not even to Hakuryuu or Kougaiji. He couldn't understand why he was being so indiscreet now--and about Kanan, even. Perhaps it was the blow to his head.
Gojyo's hand fell on Hakkai's uninjured shoulder. "Aw, dude, that sucks. I'm sorry."
Hakkai forced a smile. "Thank you."
"Well, aren't you two just as cute as can be?" The doctor grinned at Gojyo.
Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Just take care of him, will ya?"
"Of course, darling." She reached into her bag again. "Now, let's get serious."
Hakkai was drifting somewhere. He was warm and the bedding was soft and scented with something soothing yet tantalizing. He hovered on the edge of sleep, willing himself back, but his body had other ideas.
He opened his eyes. This luxurious, bright room with the big bed and expensive sheets was Gojyo's room, not his. His bed was functional and small, barely big enough for him. And expensive sheets? He wished. The bar and Kanan's large debt had left him struggling, forcing him to give up sheets with more than a 200-thread count and nudging him closer to bankruptcy every day.
She couldn't help it, he chided himself, feeling the normal flood of guilt. He repeated his usual mantra. She'd been sick. He couldn't have stopped her even if he'd been with her. Her death wasn't his fault.
And he'd talked about her last night.
Hakkai set his jaw as the events of the previous evening returned. The club, the bike, and Gojyo's voice--it was all so surreal. And then there was that doctor. She'd poked and prodded at Hakkai's head and shoulder, and then, out of the blue, she'd stabbed him with a needle. Whatever she'd loaded in that hypo had knocked him out.
Most of all, he remembered Gojyo's concern. When was the last time someone had looked out for him like that? His relationship with Kougaiji hadn't been that comfortable--and Hakkai would have never allowed that level of informality between them, he would have never let down his guard like that. Gojyo made him feel interested and confused. And more than anything, Hakkai was worried that he was feeling interested and confused.
Gojyo was becoming something very important to him. But it was all happening too fast, as if gears long disused had engaged again, running at full speed without any safeguards. He needed to slow the whole thing down. Of course, sleeping in Gojyo's bed was probably not the way to go about that.
He sat up with a groan. His head hurt a bit, but his shoulder really ached. As the blankets fell away, he realized all he was wearing was his boxers--when had his clothes been removed? He looked around for his pants and shirt but didn't see them. At the foot of the bed was a robe.
He didn't see his cigarettes--but that was just as well. He needed to quit smoking and start working out again. There had been a time when the likes of Banri would've never been able to get close to him, much less hit him with a chair.
Hakkai picked up his glasses from the bed stand, surprised by the lack of damage. They were almost straight. His phone was also on the table, but he'd leave that for the moment.
Music meandered under the door, the calming sound of an acoustic guitar. He slipped off the end of the bed and grabbed the robe. When he opened the door, he could hear Gojyo humming along with the song. Intending to speak to him right away, Hakkai took two steps forward, and then paused when he caught a glimpse through one of the windows. Past the sizable balcony, the city stretched out before him in a magnificent view.
This was a penthouse apartment in the heart of the city.
He could see Gojyo sitting off to the right on the balcony. Dressed in pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt, he was strumming his guitar left-handed, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Hakkai tilted his head, listening to the smooth, effortless chord changes and the pitch-perfect hum. Gojyo was very good.
Hakkai opened the sliding door and stepped out into the cool morning.
Gojyo looked up with a smile. "Oh, hey. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I didn't know you smoked." Hakkai looked at Gojyo's lit cigarette. It was one of Hakkai's cigarettes.
"Oh, sorry about that, dude. I quit a couple of years ago, but every now and then, I can't resist." Gojyo set down the guitar. "I hope you don't mind."
Hakkai shook his head. "Not at all. You quit?"
"Yeah, it's not very good for a singer to smoke, but damn, I miss it. Although it kind of makes me woozy now." He crushed out the smoke and stood up. "You want some coffee? Maybe some breakfast?"
"I … Yes, I would."
"It's not much, just some rice and miso."
"You made it?"
"Yeah. No big deal. Come on."
"Umm, Gojyo?" Hakkai followed without a second thought, winding through the sprawling, brightly lit apartment and hardly noticing any details.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask how … I noticed my clothes are missing, and, well, there's no blood on me."
Hakkai swallowed as a drug-hazed memory materialized in his head. A warm shower, amused red eyes, a washcloth, soap, and sloppy, wet kisses.
"Oh, god." Embarrassment rolled over him in waves. "Did I ask you to give me a shower?"
Gojyo chuckled as he filled a cup with coffee. "You did, much to the doc's amusement."
Hakkai leaned on a white counter. "She didn't watch, did she?"
Gojyo furrowed his brow. Setting down the cup, he turned toward Hakkai. "Dude, what do you think I am? You wanted a shower, and I helped. That's all that happened, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I just don’t … do things like this."
"I think I've kind of figured that part out." Gojyo leaned over counter until they were face to face. His hair spilled over one shoulder and onto the white tiles. "Hakkai, just relax, would ya? Whatever happens, happens. No worries, okay?"
Hakkai lifted his hand and touched Gojyo's hair, watching the long, bright red flow over the back of his hand. His heart was hammering in his chest as Gojyo's scent coiled around him. His voice was little more than a whisper when he said, "Whatever happens …"
"… happens."
Hakkai held his breath. Everything in his life was about to change, and maybe not for the better.
Gojyo stayed still, waiting.
Hakkai exhaled. His fingers closed, tangling in Gojyo's hair, and then he was moving, scrabbling and clawing his way across the counter, desperate for contact, wanting to feel what Gojyo's body would say. Needing to know without a doubt … needing him.
Gojyo's arms caught him as their lips met in a bruising kiss. He pulled Hakkai off the cool tiles and somehow managed to stop them from tumbling onto the floor. Gojyo's callused fingers were under Hakkai's robe, fiery hot and teasing his skin.
Hakkai looped his leg around Gojyo's and pressed forward. His vision strobed when Gojyo's erection brushed his own. Moaning, he dug his fingers into Gojyo's back, wanting more.
Gojyo broke their kiss, his eyes dilated and fever bright. "Holy fuck, you might be too much for me to handle, but-oh, hell--let's find out, okay?" He grabbed Hakkai's hand and led him back to the bedroom.
As they walked through the apartment, Gojyo peeled off his shirt and tossed it on a hallway table. Hakkai enjoyed the view as he watched muscles and sinews flex, the outline of ribs and shoulder blades covered with bronze skin, and a tattooed right shoulder. Hakkai nearly staggered under the impact of his desire, a pure lust mixed with something more.
Once they were inside the bedroom, Gojyo closed the door and leaned against it. "Dude, are you sure you're up for this? I mean, you are hurt."
Hakkai raised an eyebrow and stopped the process of opening his robe. "Do you not want to?"
"No--fuck--don't be stupid." Gojyo's breathing was quick and ragged. "I just don't want to screw anything up."
For the first time in their short relationship, Hakkai could see Gojyo's confidence disappear. He was lost, wanting more but afraid. Hakkai remembered Gojyo's comments about groupies and people wanting a piece of him, no one really caring about him. Hakkai realized this was a terrifying step for Gojyo, too.
"Gojyo." Hakkai moved forward and touched Gojyo's face, forcing himself to move slowly though his body shook with eagerness. He gently grasped Gojyo's hand and placed it over his aching cock, hissing and closing his eyes with the vision-blurring contact. Then he ran his hand over Gojyo's thickening erection and squeezed.
Gojyo leaned his head forward, placing it on Hakkai's uninjured shoulder. "Yeah." Turning his head, he nuzzled into Hakkai's neck and whispered, "Fuck, yeah."
Hakkai could feel Gojyo calm and he sighed with relief. Who knew Gojyo would be so skittish? But then again, they were both a bit wary, and that was probably a good thing.
With his free hand, Gojyo tugged at Hakkai's robe. It fell to the floor with a quiet murmur. "Hakkai, do you want or, um, can I?"
Hakkai hesitated--he hadn't thought about that part of it--he didn’t really mind, though, not with Gojyo. "It's all right, but it's been a while for me."
"Yeah?" Gojyo licked his lips.
That shock of desire was back. "Yes."
There was a palpable pause as Hakkai tried to clear his head. He felt dizzy and feverish, and Gojyo's hand was squeezing him far too gently. Deciding that he'd waited long enough, he slipped his hands under the elastic of Gojyo's pajamas, touching flesh and nothing else. With both hands, Hakkai worked down the pants, careful of Gojyo's erection. Once the pajamas were far enough down, the fell the rest of the way, pooling around Gojyo's ankles.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo's eyes were almost black with passion. "Would you rather--"
Hakkai threaded the fingers of his left hand through Gojyo's hair, bringing their lips together in a scorching kiss as he dug his fingernails from his right hand into Gojyo's ass, grinding their erections together.
"Enough." Hakkai growled and pushed Gojyo into the bed. He peeled off his boxers and crawled on top of his lover, one knee between Gojyo's legs. The feel of Gojyo's erection grinding against his groin was somehow necessary.
"Hakkai? There's lube in the bedstand--"
Hakkai bit down on the flesh between Gojyo's neck and shoulder.
Gojyo groaned, arching into the bite. "Holy fuck."
He was moving again, in dreamlike fashion, as if he had no control over his actions. The animal need to taste and explore was all he knew as his mouth and fingers journeyed over Gojyo's body. He paused at the erect nipples, biting down hard enough to cause Gojyo to cry out and then soothing them with his tongue. Gojyo was incredibly responsive, and Hakkai listened to what his lover's body told him.
Gojyo liked to be bitten.
Hakkai opened his eyes, Gojyo's nipples were red and swollen. He dragged his tongue lightly over one and Gojyo hissed. Maybe he'd overdone it. He tried to concentrate; Gojyo's breaths were ragged and quick, and his erection still dug into Hakkai's hip, wet and hard. Maybe he was a bit of a masochist. Hakkai dragged his thumb over the sore, sensitive nub, and Gojyo tossed his head and moaned.
Hmm.
Hakkai sat back as he moved lower, licking his way toward Gojyo's erection. He stopped at a hipbone, biting hard enough to make Gojyo squirm before sliding closer to what they both wanted. Gojyo's stomach and cock glistened with clear fluid, and the scent made Hakkai's head swim. Angling close, he took a taste.
Salty and a little bitter, Gojyo's flavor threw Hakkai's salivary glands into high gear. He gently licked at the wet slit, applying more pressure, circling his tongue around the crown of Gojyo's erection and then to the ridge just below. His mouth closed around the head of Gojyo's cock and he sucked, using his tongue with force.
Gojyo's hands tangled in Hakkai's hair and he rocked his hips upward with a loud moan. Hakkai focused on the hard ridges in the flesh as he dragged his tongue against them. Knowing that he was giving Gojyo pleasure made Hakkai even more excited. He could feel his body resonate with Gojyo's, and there was even the possibility he might get off without even being touched.
But Gojyo, it seemed, had other ideas. Hands nudged at him and breathy instructions were given, but Hakkai's attention was on the glorious feel of Gojyo's cock brushing the back of his throat. Finally, he slid from between Gojyo's thighs and moved a bit to the side, not understanding and not caring as he continued to swallow what he could of Gojyo's formidable length.
Fingers encircled Hakkai's calf and lifted, and Gojyo slid his body underneath. Hakkai was distantly aware that Gojyo's head was between his legs. Warm breath caressed his balls, and Hakkai's concentration faltered as he realized Gojyo had full view and access to his backside. He writhed with the knowledge, part embarrassment and part desire.
Reluctantly, he released Gojyo's erection with a trail of saliva, and whispered, "I don't think this will work, the angle is wrong."
"I suppose that depends on what you expect," was Gojyo's husky response.
"What do you--" Hakkai felt Gojyo's soft tongue on his testicles before it moved lower and stroked across his sensitive perineum. Hakkai trembled in reaction and before he could catch his breath, Gojyo's hands were prying him open and parting his cheeks wide.
Hakkai held his breath. Gojyo wouldn't do that, would he?
Oh, yes, he would. Gojyo's long tongue spiraled around Hakkai's entrance and he shuddered. He wanted to protest; but when he opened his mouth, the only sound to emerge was a low moan. Hakkai couldn't help himself, what Gojyo was doing to him felt insidiously good.
Hakkai's shoulder drooped, and as he gathered his wits, he rested his head on Gojyo's hip and reveled in the gentle invasion. Absently, he continued to stroke Gojyo until he touched the growing pool of precome and raised his fingers to his lips. The taste made his mouth water again, and Hakkai raised his head. Curling his fist around Gojyo's erection, Hakkai pulled it toward his mouth, dragging his tongue against the accumulating moisture.
Gojyo released him and muttered something incoherent. There was movement at his end of the bed, but Hakkai was still intent on what he was doing.
This time when Gojyo parted Hakkai's backside, slick fingers touched him, swirling gently and cautiously dipping inside. Lubricant and saliva eased the way, disrupting Hakkai's actions. He breathed, relaxing his body and embracing the discomfort, knowing it would pass.
Hakkai'd had lovers before--some who were quite good--but there was something decidedly differently about Gojyo. Gojyo's focus, from the soft whispers of encouragement to the slow, perfectly angled touches, was all about Hakkai. Gojyo intuitively read Hakkai's body language, adjusting his speed and gauging when Hakkai was ready to take more. Hakkai relaxed, finding an unusual level of trust with his new lover.
Gojyo nudged at him. "I think you need to do this, that way you can control it."
Hakkai sat back, dizzy from the flood of sensations.
Gojyo turned and lay back as he flipped the lid on the bottle of lubricant. He poured some in his hand and slowly stroked his erection.
Hakkai was mesmerized. Watching Gojyo's hand slide up and down his cock was extremely erotic.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo was studying him. "Would you rather not?"
Shaking his head, Hakkai threw his leg over Gojyo's hips. Holding Gojyo's slick cock, he lowered himself over it. Gojyo's hands curled around Hakkai's hips in a bruising grip. He was large, and the flared tip of his cock stretched Hakkai's entrance to the point of eye-watering pain. Hakkai exhaled and closed his eyes, listening to Gojyo's musical breathing as he relaxed and leaned back. The stretch lessened, and then Gojyo's cock was sliding inside, brushing against his prostate along the way. Hakkai could feel Gojyo's balls pressing against his backside.
"Fuck, you're tight," Gojyo panted.
Hakkai couldn't speak. Gojyo's hands caressed his hips and then touched his flagging erection, waiting for him to acclimate.
Hakkai breathed, feeling every inch of Gojyo's cock buried deep inside him. He shifted experimentally and found the pain was almost gone, replaced by a desperate need for pleasure. "Gojyo."
"Yeah."
Hakkai raised his lower body, pulling himself almost completely off Gojyo before reversing direction, sliding all the way back. He did it again, using his knees as a fulcrum, bracing himself with his hands on Gojyo's chest. Hakkai moaned as Gojyo's cock brushed against that mind-numbing spot, and he twisted his hips to do it again. The motion became a steady rhythm, in-out-and-twist, like the backbeat to a song.
His fingernails dug into Gojyo's chest; the floating, soaring feeling was peaking. "Gojyo ..."
"Yeah, I can feel it." Gojyo's hand closed around him, stroking in time with Hakkai's movements.
Hakkai's toes curled and he sat back, forcing Gojyo's cock in as deep as he could get it while his orgasm blurred all his senses. Gojyo grabbed him around his hips, steadying him as Hakkai's come splattered onto them both.
They were still panting when Gojyo's hands braced Hakkai's back and rolled them over.
Hakkai's vision cleared, and what he saw on Gojyo's face was different. Gojyo's eyes were feverish and wild. He grabbed Hakkai's right ankle and roughly raised it as he rammed himself inside. The angle was acute, and Hakkai's back arched with the eager pounding he received.
Each thrust stretched him a little wider, and Hakkai groaned with the intensity of it. The motion abruptly became a shuddering stroke, and Hakkai could feel Gojyo's warm release spilling inside him. Gojyo's moan was deep and throaty as he rocked a final time, and then collapsed on top of Hakkai.
Hakkai sighed with pleasure.
When Gojyo's breathing normalized, he rolled off Hakkai and chuckled.
"What's so funny."
Gojyo kissed him. "You. You're like a sleeping volcano. All calm on the outside but filled with white-hot magma."
"Is that good?"
Gojyo slipped his arms around Hakkai and yawned. "What do you think?"
"I think I need a shower."
Gojyo's arms tightened, and he snuggled against Hakkai. "In a bit, okay?"
Hakkai smiled. He'd never expected Gojyo to be the snuggling type. "All right."
Hakkai's phone was ringing. He fumbled for his bedside table, but instead of touching the cheap laminate he expected, he connected with flesh.
"Ow! Hey!"
Right. He wasn't at home. "Oh, I'm sorry, Gojyo." He sat up. It was almost evening; he would have to go to work soon.
"Here." Gojyo handed him his phone.
"Hello?" Hakkai frowned at the slight roughness in his voice.
"Hakkai? Will you still take me to get my guitar? They said it should be ready in a couple of days."
"Of course, Goku. Which music store?"
"Umm, it's the one by the museum."
"April's?"
"Yeah!"
Hakkai could hear Sanzo speaking in the background. Gojyo's hand slid up his unclad thigh.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell him. Hey, Hakkai, Kougaiji wants you to call him. I guess there's some wedding junk he wants to talk to you about."
Hakkai looked away from Gojyo. "Yes, tell Sanzo I'll call him."
"Sanzo?" Gojyo snarled from the bed. "That prick who runs the agency?"
Hakkai raised his eyebrow and covered the mouthpiece on the phone. "You know him, then?"
"I know of him. He sent us that freak, Hazel."
"Hey," Goku shouted through the phone, "are you talking to your boyfriend?"
"I told you, Goku, he's not my--" Hakkai felt his face heat.
"Sanzo! Cut it out, I wanna talk to Hakkai about his boyfriend."
There was the sound of a struggle with the phone, and then Sanzo spoke. "Call him, damn it."
"Yes, Sanzo, I'll get--"
Sanzo hung up.
And Gojyo was staring at him.
Gojyo placed his head on his arm and smiled. "I'm not your … what?"
"Goku gets some crazy ideas. He's probably already got us living together." Hakkai stood up. His legs were a bit wobbly. "Where are my clothes?"
"The shirt was toast, so I threw it out. Your pants and jacket are hanging in the closet. I'll get you one of my t-shirts." Gojyo slid out of the bed and padded across the room to his bureau.
Hakkai watched Gojyo's naked backside with appreciation. Next time.
Gojyo handed him a t-shirt as he climbed back into bed. "Is Goku Sanzo's squeeze?"
"Yes. They've been together for years."
"And Goku thinks I'm your boyfriend, right?" Gojyo grinned at him.
Hakkai nodded.
"What do you think?"
Hakkai pulled the t-shirt on--it was black, of course. "I think I'm not ready to answer that question." He snagged his boxers off the floor and put them on, too.
"Yeah?" Gojyo rolled onto his back and stared at Hakkai. "But you want to come back, don't you?"
"Yes. Now, are you going to give me a ride back to the club?"
"Sure."
Gojyo shut off the bike in front of the bar.
Hakkai slid off the seat with a quiet groan. He was a little sore.
"Hey, Hakkai, is that your car?" Gojyo nodded at the Ferrari.
"It's a little complicated." Hakkai tried to play it off. "But yes, I guess you could say so."
"It's a Ferrari. I don't mean to be a dick, but can you afford that?"
Hakkai laughed. "Hardly. It was a gift."
Gojyo narrowed his eyes. "Who gives a gift worth half a mil?"
Hakkai looked away.
"An ex?" Gojyo touched his shoulder. "Was it Kougaiji?"
"Yes."
Gojyo swallowed. "Oh. Did you and he have something?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Yeah?" Gojyo crossed his arms. "Then, what would you say?"
"Nothing that wouldn't make me sound sad and pathetic."
"So you were--" Gojyo's phone rang.
Hakkai looked at the parking lot, trying not to listen. Hakuryuu's jeep was parked in its customary spot, and Hakkai was just realizing how behind he was. He'd hoped he could run home and change, but now he wasn't so sure.
"Hakkai?"
Hakkai turned to see Gojyo scowling at his phone.
"That was Jien. He wants me to meet him at another club. He thinks he found a guitarist that will fit with us."
"Oh, I see." Hakkai was acutely aware that he didn't want to be separated from Gojyo just yet. Everything was too new, and it all seemed so dreamlike and fragile. "Well, then, you should go."
"I don’t really want to, you know." Gojyo cleared his throat and then hooked his thumb over his shoulder at the car. "We have to talk about that. If it's a car you need, I can--"
Hakkai leaned forward and kissed Gojyo. When he pulled away, he said, "There's nothing to talk about, I assure you. There was never anything between us, and I can give you a full account later. If you need it."
"Hmm." Gojyo grinned at him. "Nice way to throw me off the track. Okay, I um … shit. I need to go. The club is--"
"Gojyo, it's all right. Go already."
"Right. See you soon." He nodded and jumped on his bike again. It rumbled to life, and Gojyo toed the kickstand up.
Hakkai held up his hand as he watched Gojyo disappear from the parking lot.
"Hey, boss."
"Good evening, Hakuryuu," Hakkai said as he walked through the door and toward the bar. He was physically exhausted, but in an exhilarating way. The feel of his clothes sliding against his skin as he walked reminded him of Gojyo's feather-light touches, and that was nearly enough to bring on an erection. He felt brazen and reckless, and the world in general seemed a little clearer, as if his senses were sharper.
Hakuryuu raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you wearing a t-shirt? I believe your fashion sense is slipping a bit. Must be the company you're keeping."
"Quiet, Hakuryuu." Hakkai smiled at him. "And yes, maybe."
"Oh, my, but you are positively giddy. Could it be that my brooding boss is in love?"
"I don't brood."
"No, of course not." Hakuryuu nodded.
"Yes. Well." Hakkai tried to keep his features neutral, but his smile returned. "I have been enjoying myself."
"That's great, boss, you deserve it. Out of the handful of potential lovers you've shown interest in over the years, I think I like him the best. He's a little simple, maybe, but overall, I think he's a good guy in spite of his notoriety and splashy tabloid past."
Splashy tabloid past? Hakkai gave himself a moment to think about that. He'd figured out Gojyo was something of a celebrity, but … splashy tabloid past?
"Of course, he's a single, good-looking guy who leans toward being a bad boy, and that type always piques a lot of interest." Hakuryuu set a glass of scotch in front of Hakkai. "But I'd watch out when your relationship goes public."
"Public? I never--"
"You won't have to. Trust me, they'll find you. In fact, you've already become something of a sensation: Sha Gojyo's mysterious companion."
"I'm … what?"
"Oh, hell," Hakuryuu leaned on the counter, "you really don't know, do you?"
Hakkai's stomach fluttered--he had a bad feeling about this. "Know what?"
"There's a crappy phone picture of the two of you on his bike circulating on the internet. Apparently, Sha Gojyo doesn't let anyone on his bike, so you've got the rock-and-roll world all atwitter. Literally."
Hakkai took a drink of his scotch.
"I can't believe you guys didn't get completely overrun last night. No one must have known you were going to The Euphoria."
"Hakuryuu--"
Hakuryuu sighed in exasperation, and his normal, teasing tone was gone when he said, "I know you. You've walked into this whole thing completely clueless, and he's so used to it, he probably didn't even think to warn you about it."
"Warn me? About what?"
"Look, Hakkai, you like your privacy, but I can guarantee that if you have a relationship with Gojyo, you'll have to give that up. How will you feel when they start digging into your past and the state of your affairs? And don't fool yourself into believing that they won't. Gojyo might not be a pop star, but he's a big enough name that the paparazzi will come after you. They'll put your life under a microscope. Can you deal with that?"
Kougaiji and the Ferrari. The bar's financial crisis. Kanan's illness. All of those things might be dragged out into the light of day and discussed. No one should care about any of it, but the paparazzi would. Hakkai had watched the press sift through Kougaiji's life with interest, and he wasn't even someone they cared about. If Gojyo was what Hakuryuu said he was … Hakkai drained his glass, but after he swallowed, he wasn't certain it would stay down.
"I don't think I would enjoy that."
Hakuryuu gave a sad sigh. "I'm not trying to wreck what you have, you know. I'm happy for you, but I don't think you were given enough background to make an informed decision."
Hakkai rubbed his thumb on the empty glass. What if he'd known who and what Kenren--the thought of that name now irritated Hakkai--was? Would he have fallen so easily for him? Maybe, but he would have been far more cautious.
"I'm not one hundred percent sure it would have made any difference," Hakkai finally answered. "But all the same, I wish I'd known. Maybe they won't."
Hakuryuu shook his head. "It's already too late."
"Why do you say that?"
"I've heard through the grapevine that there was an altercation at The Euphoria involving Gojyo and his brother, and possibly a former band member. Some guy was kicking ass with martial arts." Hakuryuu tapped his forehead, mirroring the spot where Hakkai's small bandage was. "You, I presume. People are dying to know who you are."
"But I'm not that interesting!"
"It's all relative. You're far more interesting than the people who read that crap."
Hakkai ground his teeth in frustration. He wanted to talk to Gojyo, to confront him about this, but he didn't know where Gojyo was. To top it off, they hadn't even exchanged numbers.
Hakuryuu gazed wistfully around the bar. "I think we both prefer the obscurity of Kanan's, don't we?"
"Both?" More warning bells sounded in Hakkai's head. "Hakuryuu, do you have something to tell me?"
Hakuryuu blinked and stood up straight. "Oh. Gojyo didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"He asked me if I was interested in joining his new band. I told him I'd think about it, so I am."
"You're the drummer he's been after?" Hakkai was confused.
"I guess." Hakuryuu leaned on the bar again. "Maybe he didn't want to say anything until I made up my mind."
That made sense. But it also meant Gojyo had come to the bar originally to hear Hakuryuu. Why did that bother Hakkai?
"I'm going home to change." Hakkai pushed himself away from the bar and headed for the door.
"Hakkai?"
Hakkai turned and faced his friend.
"I'm sorry."
He smiled. "I appreciate the information and your concern."
"Oh, man, don't give me that creepy smile." Hakuryuu waved at him. "Come back when you're ready. Gat and I can handle tonight if you don't."
Hakkai walked toward the door. "I should be back in an hour or two."
He drove, fast and hard and with the engine screaming, forcing him to stay focused and keeping his mind clear, as Amy Winehouse sang the blues to him with extremely inappropriate lyrics.
At least it was still early in his relationship with Gojyo. He barely knew him, and the paparazzi might not care about a destitute nightclub owner with a crazy sister who'd tapped his life dry.
She wasn't crazy, he reminded himself, his feet working all three pedals as he jammed the gear-shift into third, tires squealing as he drifted around a corner. He spun the steering wheel, keeping the car facing forward as he shifted again and then wrenched the wheel straight. The tires grabbed, and he shot down a straight stretch of road.
What a magnificent car. He pressed his foot to the floor, listening to the responding growl from the engine as he pushed the Ferrari hard. He should have been back at the bar three hours ago, but it just didn't seem important to him. Now, with the lights of the city coming into view, he decided he'd brooded enough, and it was time to go back.
When he pulled into the overfull parking lot, Hakkai realized that he'd already been found out.
The reverberating echo of a piano chord still hung in the air when Hakkai heard the now-familiar voice.
"Hakkai?"
The clock over the bar read 3:36.
Hakkai picked up his cigarettes and lit one. He inhaled deeply and then took a healthy drink of his scotch. Turning slowly on the piano bench he said, "How did you get in here?"
Gojyo took a couple steps forward and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Hakuryuu phoned me and asked me to meet him here. He said you were kind of freaked out over everything and that we probably needed to … talk."
"Hmm." Hakkai took another drag of his cigarette and raised his glass. "Did you know I have a drinking problem?"
Gojyo shook his head. "What?"
"Most of the time I can control it, but every now and then …" Hakkai shrugged and took a drink. "I figured I should tell you since you'll probably be able to read about it soon."
"So … I'm guessing that means the paparazzi got to you, huh?"
"You could say that." Hakkai stared at Gojyo. "I'm broke. You should know that, too. I'm a financial ruin, and this bar …" he raised his hand and waved at the ceiling, "will destroy me soon. And now you know everything."
"Aww, shit, man. I didn't think they'd come after you so fast. I'm kind of yesterday's news, so I don't usually draw that much attention anymore." He scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry." Gojyo let out a frustrated breath. "Damn it. I knew you were freaked out to begin with, but this couldn't have helped."
Hakkai set down his drink and his cigarette, and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "I'm not certain it's something easily explained until you've experienced it. And this is just the beginning, isn't it?"
"Probably."
Dropping his hands on his knees, Hakkai said, "So, are the paternity suits true?"
Gojyo sighed and took another step forward. "The suits are true, but the DNA tests cleared me on every one of them."
"And the destruction of property?"
Gojyo nodded. "Guilty. But I was young, and dude, I did warn you that I was a punk. Banri and I got into a lot of trouble when we were kids."
Hakkai picked up his cigarette and puffed on it. That was true, Gojyo had warned him, but blowing up a house? "I'd ask you about the assault charges, but that's hardly fair considering I have my own anger issues."
"Anger issues?" Gojyo shook his head. "Look, I would have told you all of this on my own."
"When?" Hakkai crossed his legs. "You had to know I'd figure it out sooner or later, Kenren."
Gojyo sucked in a breath. "Okay, I get it, you're pissed off."
"Do you really?"
"Fuck, Hakkai, I told you from the beginning I was afraid of scaring you off." He stepped onto the dais. "I know I'm not your type; I'm not smart and cultured like Kougaiji. I'm a punk who barely managed to graduate from public education and sings in a rock-and-roll band."
Hakkai blinked.
"Yeah, I should've told you from the beginning, but tell me the truth--if I had, you wouldn't have given me the time of day, right?"
Hakkai didn't answer, but Gojyo was correct.
Gojyo leaned on the piano. "How bad is this, Hakkai? I mean--you know, for us?"
"It's not good." His head was spinning. "But I'm not up to making any decisions at the moment."
"So," Gojyo prompted, "does that mean you're not dumping me?"
"No." Hakkai sighed. "Not yet, anyway. You're a life-changing event for me, one I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with. I'd like to catch my breath for a moment."
"So," Gojyo furrowed his brow, "you are dumping me?"
"No, I'm not, but you need to give me some time to think."
"How much--"
Hakkai stared at Gojyo. "Oh, I think a potential boyfriend should get as much time as a potential band member. What do you think?"
"Dude, ouch. You're pissed off about Hakuryuu, too? But you have to see that wasn't really my call. He needed to--"
"Gojyo, please."
Gojyo straightened. "All right, all right."
The silence between them was very loud.
"Look," Gojyo's voice was soft, "I have to go out of town for the next two days. There's this guitarist Jien and I … Well, I was going to ask you to go with me."
"Gojyo--"
"Yeah, I know, I know." He held up his hand. "Instead I'll give you your space to figure out what you want--"
"Thank you for that."
Gojyo ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not crazy about leaving with things like this, you know, but if that's what you want--"
Even through his lingering outrage, Hakkai could hear the panic in Gojyo's voice. "Gojyo, I don't know anything right now."
"I know." Gojyo drew random designs on the piano. "I'll tell you what. There's a few of us jamming on Wednesday at this place called Map of France. Maybe you could come watch us and let me know what you think about this guitarist. No strings, no pressure, okay?"
"Map of France?"
"Hey, I didn't name the place, I just play there." Gojyo leaned on his elbows, bringing himself closer to Hakkai, his eyes pleading. "Will you be there?"
"I don't--"
"Even if you're going to tell me to get lost, okay?"
Through his pain and confusion, Hakkai already knew what he wanted to say. But he was very vulnerable, and now was not the time for Hakkai to tell Gojyo he cared about him. Besides, there was his honest fear that he couldn't deal with the pressure of paparazzi. He'd only hurt Gojyo if he made promises he couldn't keep.
Gojyo didn't know about Kanan's past, and dredging up her troubled life would be an unintentional consequence of their relationship. Hakkai was treating Gojyo unfairly, but he was resentful. He wanted to protect Kanan and he wanted to have Gojyo, but he was painfully aware he could only pick one. Until he did, he needed to distance himself.
And he was angry about it. He'd already spent most of his life protecting Kanan, and he wanted this once to be selfish. Gojyo was a tempting piece of happiness but at a very dear cost. He was mad at both of them--Kanan for her illness and Gojyo for making him happy.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo was waiting for an answer.
"All right." He sighed. "I'll be there."
"That's … promising. I think." Gojyo stepped next to him and touched Hakkai's cheek. "We're good together, Hakkai. Really good. I--"
Gojyo backed away, his eyes wide.
"I'll see you, okay?" He turned and raced out of the bar, leaving Hakkai to wonder about the look of fear he'd just seen on Gojyo's face.
Love Me Like Music - Part 4
Author: despina_moon
Rating: NC17
Pairing(s): Gojyo/Hakkai (Background Sanzo/Goku)
Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Summary: Hakkai's life isn't so good of late. He has a case of unrequited love, some serious financial issues, and a recently acquired fanboy. However, he's quick to notice that this isn't the average fanboy.
Notes: Written for 7thnight_smut and the following prompt:
Pairing/Prompt: Gojyo/Hakkai
Modern day. Rock band setting with Gojyo as the front man. You can decide what Hakkai's role is: eg. member of the band, manager, part of the music industry, or somebody outside of it that Gojyo is interested in.
Loads of thanks to the marvelous betafu and mad handholding from kispexi2 and whymzycal. Thank goodness they were there to talk me off the ledge and drag my sleep deprived, sorry ass across the finish line.
Warnings: Lots of sex. Romance. Misuse of perfectly good minor characters. Did I mention lots of sex?
Love Me like Music - Part 3
Consciousness came back to him when the elevator started to move. Hakkai was embarrassed to realize that Gojyo's arm around his waist was the only thing keeping him on his feet. He forced his body upright, trying to regain some composure.
"Hakkai, just relax, okay? It's not like I haven't been dragged home a few times after a fight. No big deal."
No big deal. Hakkai would have laughed if he hadn't understood how sincere Gojyo was. Besides, he didn't have the energy to laugh or even argue about it. Instead, he let Gojyo guide him through a dark apartment and finally to a bed.
Hakkai paused, staring down at it. Was it Gojyo's bed?
"I brought you in here because I don't think you'll be going anywhere for a while. So just sit. The doc should be here soon, and she'll fix you up."
"A doctor?" Hakkai's tongue felt thick and dry. "But I don't need--"
"Yes, you do. Now sit down before you fall down. I promise I'm not going to take advantage of you."
"As if you could." Hakkai smiled. "I just don't want to get blood on the bedding."
"Dude, come on." Gojyo gently--but insistently--pushed him onto the bed. "I get it, but stop being so difficult and help me out here a little bit. Just … please. Okay?"
Hakkai sat down.
"Thank you. Now, stay there while I get something to clean you up with." Gojyo walked away. Bright light angled across the room and pain flared in Hakkai's head.
He closed his eyes and removed his glasses. From behind his eyelids, the red-veined glow suddenly winked out. Experimentally, he cracked open an eye and saw a low, candescent light filling a large room.
"Well, you know how to ruin a guy's chances for fun, don't you?" Gojyo asked, as he leaned over and began to wipe away blood from Hakkai's face with a wet towel.
Hakkai stiffened. "I'll be fine, you really don't have to trouble yourself--"
"Shut up, Hakkai." Gojyo moved very close, scrutinizing the wound. "Eh, it's a lot of blood, but it's not too bad. It might not even need stitches. Now, let's see your shoulder."
Hakkai gritted his teeth as Gojyo eased off first his jacket and then his shirt.
"Well, it doesn't look like anything's broken, but you're going to have a whopper of a bruise. I'll bet it hurts like fuck."
Gojyo poked at his shoulder, and Hakkai hissed in pain.
"Yep." Gojyo chuckled. "The doc can fix that. Well, maybe not fix it, but she can make you not care about it."
"I assure you, I really don't need--"
"Right. For fuck's sake, you're so uptight--just relax, will ya?" Gojyo took Hakkai's glasses from him and placed his hand flat against Hakkai's chest, pressing him back onto the bed. "Besides, you wouldn't have been hurt if you weren't with me. Banri's kind of a dick that way."
Hakkai fell back with a sigh into the softness of the bed. "Do you and Banri … have a history together?"
Gojyo smiled and then stepped to the end of the bed. "So, you're curious about that crack he made, huh?"
Hakkai winced, wondering about his lack of tact. "I'm sorry, it's really none of my business."
Untying Hakkai's worn shoes, Gojyo slipped them off one by one. He shrugged. "It's all right, I got nothing to hide. Yeah, it happened, but it's not like we were in love or anything. More like a little drunk and a lot horny. We did it a few times, but that was before the groupies started hanging around. It's all ancient history."
Hakkai didn't know how to respond to such openness, it was so foreign to him. But he was glad he'd not held back with Banri. Maybe more than a little glad.
Gojyo sat down on the bed next to him. "It makes me happy, though."
"What makes you happy?"
"That you wanted to know. Makes me think you might think of me as more than a casual thing."
Hakkai wasn't up to this conversation. He wasn't ready. Not yet. "Gojyo, I'm not--"
The doorbell rang.
"It's the doc." Gojyo stood up and stepped towards the door. "Oh, and Hakkai, hang on for this one, the doc tends to be something of a force of nature."
Hakkai closed his eyes and tried to center himself. He heard the doorbell again and then a low, sultry voice that didn't really sound like a woman.
"Oh, Gojyo, darling, what have you gotten yourself into this time?"
Darling? Hakkai sat up. The sudden movement made him dizzy.
Gojyo's voice contained an edge of sternness when he said, "I know it will be hard for you, but try and take it easy on him, okay?
The door flew open. "Of course, darling. I always take good care of my patients."
She was an imposing figure, easily as tall as Gojyo and exuding a confidence that would make any cat proud. Her hair fell in dark ringlets past her waist, her short skirt showed off her long, shapely legs but covered little else, and her blouse was low-cut enough that nipples threatened to peek out from behind the purple fabric.
She floated toward Hakkai. "My, you are a pretty one, aren’t you?"
Hakkai stared. She looked like a beautiful woman, but there was something a little … masculine about her.
"Well." She placed her bag on the bed and then her hands on her hips. "Let's have a look at you, shall we? I'll need you to take off the rest of your clothes."
"Doc!" Gojyo elbowed her in the ribs.
"Tch." She glared at Gojyo. "When did you get to be such a buzz kill? Oh, never mind." She reached for her bag and pulled out a hand-held light. Grabbing Hakkai's chin, she switched it on, leaned close, and then paused.
"This really isn't necessary." Hakkai looked into her gray eyes. "I feel fine."
"Is your right eye permanently dilated?"
"Yes."
"Hmm." She straightened and tossed the light back into her bag. "What happened to it?"
"I was poked by a sharp stick."
Gojyo blinked at him. "Seriously? By someone you knew?"
"Yes. My sister, when we were kids."
The doctor frowned. "An accident?"
"Somewhat." What was he doing, what was he saying? "But it was my fault, too. She had some … issues."
The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Had?"
"Yes." He cleared his throat. "She passed away last year." He glanced at Gojyo, and his look of concern kept the words flowing. "Took her own life, actually." He hadn't talked so candidly about Kanan before, not even to Hakuryuu or Kougaiji. He couldn't understand why he was being so indiscreet now--and about Kanan, even. Perhaps it was the blow to his head.
Gojyo's hand fell on Hakkai's uninjured shoulder. "Aw, dude, that sucks. I'm sorry."
Hakkai forced a smile. "Thank you."
"Well, aren't you two just as cute as can be?" The doctor grinned at Gojyo.
Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Just take care of him, will ya?"
"Of course, darling." She reached into her bag again. "Now, let's get serious."
Hakkai was drifting somewhere. He was warm and the bedding was soft and scented with something soothing yet tantalizing. He hovered on the edge of sleep, willing himself back, but his body had other ideas.
He opened his eyes. This luxurious, bright room with the big bed and expensive sheets was Gojyo's room, not his. His bed was functional and small, barely big enough for him. And expensive sheets? He wished. The bar and Kanan's large debt had left him struggling, forcing him to give up sheets with more than a 200-thread count and nudging him closer to bankruptcy every day.
She couldn't help it, he chided himself, feeling the normal flood of guilt. He repeated his usual mantra. She'd been sick. He couldn't have stopped her even if he'd been with her. Her death wasn't his fault.
And he'd talked about her last night.
Hakkai set his jaw as the events of the previous evening returned. The club, the bike, and Gojyo's voice--it was all so surreal. And then there was that doctor. She'd poked and prodded at Hakkai's head and shoulder, and then, out of the blue, she'd stabbed him with a needle. Whatever she'd loaded in that hypo had knocked him out.
Most of all, he remembered Gojyo's concern. When was the last time someone had looked out for him like that? His relationship with Kougaiji hadn't been that comfortable--and Hakkai would have never allowed that level of informality between them, he would have never let down his guard like that. Gojyo made him feel interested and confused. And more than anything, Hakkai was worried that he was feeling interested and confused.
Gojyo was becoming something very important to him. But it was all happening too fast, as if gears long disused had engaged again, running at full speed without any safeguards. He needed to slow the whole thing down. Of course, sleeping in Gojyo's bed was probably not the way to go about that.
He sat up with a groan. His head hurt a bit, but his shoulder really ached. As the blankets fell away, he realized all he was wearing was his boxers--when had his clothes been removed? He looked around for his pants and shirt but didn't see them. At the foot of the bed was a robe.
He didn't see his cigarettes--but that was just as well. He needed to quit smoking and start working out again. There had been a time when the likes of Banri would've never been able to get close to him, much less hit him with a chair.
Hakkai picked up his glasses from the bed stand, surprised by the lack of damage. They were almost straight. His phone was also on the table, but he'd leave that for the moment.
Music meandered under the door, the calming sound of an acoustic guitar. He slipped off the end of the bed and grabbed the robe. When he opened the door, he could hear Gojyo humming along with the song. Intending to speak to him right away, Hakkai took two steps forward, and then paused when he caught a glimpse through one of the windows. Past the sizable balcony, the city stretched out before him in a magnificent view.
This was a penthouse apartment in the heart of the city.
He could see Gojyo sitting off to the right on the balcony. Dressed in pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt, he was strumming his guitar left-handed, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Hakkai tilted his head, listening to the smooth, effortless chord changes and the pitch-perfect hum. Gojyo was very good.
Hakkai opened the sliding door and stepped out into the cool morning.
Gojyo looked up with a smile. "Oh, hey. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I didn't know you smoked." Hakkai looked at Gojyo's lit cigarette. It was one of Hakkai's cigarettes.
"Oh, sorry about that, dude. I quit a couple of years ago, but every now and then, I can't resist." Gojyo set down the guitar. "I hope you don't mind."
Hakkai shook his head. "Not at all. You quit?"
"Yeah, it's not very good for a singer to smoke, but damn, I miss it. Although it kind of makes me woozy now." He crushed out the smoke and stood up. "You want some coffee? Maybe some breakfast?"
"I … Yes, I would."
"It's not much, just some rice and miso."
"You made it?"
"Yeah. No big deal. Come on."
"Umm, Gojyo?" Hakkai followed without a second thought, winding through the sprawling, brightly lit apartment and hardly noticing any details.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask how … I noticed my clothes are missing, and, well, there's no blood on me."
Hakkai swallowed as a drug-hazed memory materialized in his head. A warm shower, amused red eyes, a washcloth, soap, and sloppy, wet kisses.
"Oh, god." Embarrassment rolled over him in waves. "Did I ask you to give me a shower?"
Gojyo chuckled as he filled a cup with coffee. "You did, much to the doc's amusement."
Hakkai leaned on a white counter. "She didn't watch, did she?"
Gojyo furrowed his brow. Setting down the cup, he turned toward Hakkai. "Dude, what do you think I am? You wanted a shower, and I helped. That's all that happened, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I just don’t … do things like this."
"I think I've kind of figured that part out." Gojyo leaned over counter until they were face to face. His hair spilled over one shoulder and onto the white tiles. "Hakkai, just relax, would ya? Whatever happens, happens. No worries, okay?"
Hakkai lifted his hand and touched Gojyo's hair, watching the long, bright red flow over the back of his hand. His heart was hammering in his chest as Gojyo's scent coiled around him. His voice was little more than a whisper when he said, "Whatever happens …"
"… happens."
Hakkai held his breath. Everything in his life was about to change, and maybe not for the better.
Gojyo stayed still, waiting.
Hakkai exhaled. His fingers closed, tangling in Gojyo's hair, and then he was moving, scrabbling and clawing his way across the counter, desperate for contact, wanting to feel what Gojyo's body would say. Needing to know without a doubt … needing him.
Gojyo's arms caught him as their lips met in a bruising kiss. He pulled Hakkai off the cool tiles and somehow managed to stop them from tumbling onto the floor. Gojyo's callused fingers were under Hakkai's robe, fiery hot and teasing his skin.
Hakkai looped his leg around Gojyo's and pressed forward. His vision strobed when Gojyo's erection brushed his own. Moaning, he dug his fingers into Gojyo's back, wanting more.
Gojyo broke their kiss, his eyes dilated and fever bright. "Holy fuck, you might be too much for me to handle, but-oh, hell--let's find out, okay?" He grabbed Hakkai's hand and led him back to the bedroom.
As they walked through the apartment, Gojyo peeled off his shirt and tossed it on a hallway table. Hakkai enjoyed the view as he watched muscles and sinews flex, the outline of ribs and shoulder blades covered with bronze skin, and a tattooed right shoulder. Hakkai nearly staggered under the impact of his desire, a pure lust mixed with something more.
Once they were inside the bedroom, Gojyo closed the door and leaned against it. "Dude, are you sure you're up for this? I mean, you are hurt."
Hakkai raised an eyebrow and stopped the process of opening his robe. "Do you not want to?"
"No--fuck--don't be stupid." Gojyo's breathing was quick and ragged. "I just don't want to screw anything up."
For the first time in their short relationship, Hakkai could see Gojyo's confidence disappear. He was lost, wanting more but afraid. Hakkai remembered Gojyo's comments about groupies and people wanting a piece of him, no one really caring about him. Hakkai realized this was a terrifying step for Gojyo, too.
"Gojyo." Hakkai moved forward and touched Gojyo's face, forcing himself to move slowly though his body shook with eagerness. He gently grasped Gojyo's hand and placed it over his aching cock, hissing and closing his eyes with the vision-blurring contact. Then he ran his hand over Gojyo's thickening erection and squeezed.
Gojyo leaned his head forward, placing it on Hakkai's uninjured shoulder. "Yeah." Turning his head, he nuzzled into Hakkai's neck and whispered, "Fuck, yeah."
Hakkai could feel Gojyo calm and he sighed with relief. Who knew Gojyo would be so skittish? But then again, they were both a bit wary, and that was probably a good thing.
With his free hand, Gojyo tugged at Hakkai's robe. It fell to the floor with a quiet murmur. "Hakkai, do you want or, um, can I?"
Hakkai hesitated--he hadn't thought about that part of it--he didn’t really mind, though, not with Gojyo. "It's all right, but it's been a while for me."
"Yeah?" Gojyo licked his lips.
That shock of desire was back. "Yes."
There was a palpable pause as Hakkai tried to clear his head. He felt dizzy and feverish, and Gojyo's hand was squeezing him far too gently. Deciding that he'd waited long enough, he slipped his hands under the elastic of Gojyo's pajamas, touching flesh and nothing else. With both hands, Hakkai worked down the pants, careful of Gojyo's erection. Once the pajamas were far enough down, the fell the rest of the way, pooling around Gojyo's ankles.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo's eyes were almost black with passion. "Would you rather--"
Hakkai threaded the fingers of his left hand through Gojyo's hair, bringing their lips together in a scorching kiss as he dug his fingernails from his right hand into Gojyo's ass, grinding their erections together.
"Enough." Hakkai growled and pushed Gojyo into the bed. He peeled off his boxers and crawled on top of his lover, one knee between Gojyo's legs. The feel of Gojyo's erection grinding against his groin was somehow necessary.
"Hakkai? There's lube in the bedstand--"
Hakkai bit down on the flesh between Gojyo's neck and shoulder.
Gojyo groaned, arching into the bite. "Holy fuck."
He was moving again, in dreamlike fashion, as if he had no control over his actions. The animal need to taste and explore was all he knew as his mouth and fingers journeyed over Gojyo's body. He paused at the erect nipples, biting down hard enough to cause Gojyo to cry out and then soothing them with his tongue. Gojyo was incredibly responsive, and Hakkai listened to what his lover's body told him.
Gojyo liked to be bitten.
Hakkai opened his eyes, Gojyo's nipples were red and swollen. He dragged his tongue lightly over one and Gojyo hissed. Maybe he'd overdone it. He tried to concentrate; Gojyo's breaths were ragged and quick, and his erection still dug into Hakkai's hip, wet and hard. Maybe he was a bit of a masochist. Hakkai dragged his thumb over the sore, sensitive nub, and Gojyo tossed his head and moaned.
Hmm.
Hakkai sat back as he moved lower, licking his way toward Gojyo's erection. He stopped at a hipbone, biting hard enough to make Gojyo squirm before sliding closer to what they both wanted. Gojyo's stomach and cock glistened with clear fluid, and the scent made Hakkai's head swim. Angling close, he took a taste.
Salty and a little bitter, Gojyo's flavor threw Hakkai's salivary glands into high gear. He gently licked at the wet slit, applying more pressure, circling his tongue around the crown of Gojyo's erection and then to the ridge just below. His mouth closed around the head of Gojyo's cock and he sucked, using his tongue with force.
Gojyo's hands tangled in Hakkai's hair and he rocked his hips upward with a loud moan. Hakkai focused on the hard ridges in the flesh as he dragged his tongue against them. Knowing that he was giving Gojyo pleasure made Hakkai even more excited. He could feel his body resonate with Gojyo's, and there was even the possibility he might get off without even being touched.
But Gojyo, it seemed, had other ideas. Hands nudged at him and breathy instructions were given, but Hakkai's attention was on the glorious feel of Gojyo's cock brushing the back of his throat. Finally, he slid from between Gojyo's thighs and moved a bit to the side, not understanding and not caring as he continued to swallow what he could of Gojyo's formidable length.
Fingers encircled Hakkai's calf and lifted, and Gojyo slid his body underneath. Hakkai was distantly aware that Gojyo's head was between his legs. Warm breath caressed his balls, and Hakkai's concentration faltered as he realized Gojyo had full view and access to his backside. He writhed with the knowledge, part embarrassment and part desire.
Reluctantly, he released Gojyo's erection with a trail of saliva, and whispered, "I don't think this will work, the angle is wrong."
"I suppose that depends on what you expect," was Gojyo's husky response.
"What do you--" Hakkai felt Gojyo's soft tongue on his testicles before it moved lower and stroked across his sensitive perineum. Hakkai trembled in reaction and before he could catch his breath, Gojyo's hands were prying him open and parting his cheeks wide.
Hakkai held his breath. Gojyo wouldn't do that, would he?
Oh, yes, he would. Gojyo's long tongue spiraled around Hakkai's entrance and he shuddered. He wanted to protest; but when he opened his mouth, the only sound to emerge was a low moan. Hakkai couldn't help himself, what Gojyo was doing to him felt insidiously good.
Hakkai's shoulder drooped, and as he gathered his wits, he rested his head on Gojyo's hip and reveled in the gentle invasion. Absently, he continued to stroke Gojyo until he touched the growing pool of precome and raised his fingers to his lips. The taste made his mouth water again, and Hakkai raised his head. Curling his fist around Gojyo's erection, Hakkai pulled it toward his mouth, dragging his tongue against the accumulating moisture.
Gojyo released him and muttered something incoherent. There was movement at his end of the bed, but Hakkai was still intent on what he was doing.
This time when Gojyo parted Hakkai's backside, slick fingers touched him, swirling gently and cautiously dipping inside. Lubricant and saliva eased the way, disrupting Hakkai's actions. He breathed, relaxing his body and embracing the discomfort, knowing it would pass.
Hakkai'd had lovers before--some who were quite good--but there was something decidedly differently about Gojyo. Gojyo's focus, from the soft whispers of encouragement to the slow, perfectly angled touches, was all about Hakkai. Gojyo intuitively read Hakkai's body language, adjusting his speed and gauging when Hakkai was ready to take more. Hakkai relaxed, finding an unusual level of trust with his new lover.
Gojyo nudged at him. "I think you need to do this, that way you can control it."
Hakkai sat back, dizzy from the flood of sensations.
Gojyo turned and lay back as he flipped the lid on the bottle of lubricant. He poured some in his hand and slowly stroked his erection.
Hakkai was mesmerized. Watching Gojyo's hand slide up and down his cock was extremely erotic.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo was studying him. "Would you rather not?"
Shaking his head, Hakkai threw his leg over Gojyo's hips. Holding Gojyo's slick cock, he lowered himself over it. Gojyo's hands curled around Hakkai's hips in a bruising grip. He was large, and the flared tip of his cock stretched Hakkai's entrance to the point of eye-watering pain. Hakkai exhaled and closed his eyes, listening to Gojyo's musical breathing as he relaxed and leaned back. The stretch lessened, and then Gojyo's cock was sliding inside, brushing against his prostate along the way. Hakkai could feel Gojyo's balls pressing against his backside.
"Fuck, you're tight," Gojyo panted.
Hakkai couldn't speak. Gojyo's hands caressed his hips and then touched his flagging erection, waiting for him to acclimate.
Hakkai breathed, feeling every inch of Gojyo's cock buried deep inside him. He shifted experimentally and found the pain was almost gone, replaced by a desperate need for pleasure. "Gojyo."
"Yeah."
Hakkai raised his lower body, pulling himself almost completely off Gojyo before reversing direction, sliding all the way back. He did it again, using his knees as a fulcrum, bracing himself with his hands on Gojyo's chest. Hakkai moaned as Gojyo's cock brushed against that mind-numbing spot, and he twisted his hips to do it again. The motion became a steady rhythm, in-out-and-twist, like the backbeat to a song.
His fingernails dug into Gojyo's chest; the floating, soaring feeling was peaking. "Gojyo ..."
"Yeah, I can feel it." Gojyo's hand closed around him, stroking in time with Hakkai's movements.
Hakkai's toes curled and he sat back, forcing Gojyo's cock in as deep as he could get it while his orgasm blurred all his senses. Gojyo grabbed him around his hips, steadying him as Hakkai's come splattered onto them both.
They were still panting when Gojyo's hands braced Hakkai's back and rolled them over.
Hakkai's vision cleared, and what he saw on Gojyo's face was different. Gojyo's eyes were feverish and wild. He grabbed Hakkai's right ankle and roughly raised it as he rammed himself inside. The angle was acute, and Hakkai's back arched with the eager pounding he received.
Each thrust stretched him a little wider, and Hakkai groaned with the intensity of it. The motion abruptly became a shuddering stroke, and Hakkai could feel Gojyo's warm release spilling inside him. Gojyo's moan was deep and throaty as he rocked a final time, and then collapsed on top of Hakkai.
Hakkai sighed with pleasure.
When Gojyo's breathing normalized, he rolled off Hakkai and chuckled.
"What's so funny."
Gojyo kissed him. "You. You're like a sleeping volcano. All calm on the outside but filled with white-hot magma."
"Is that good?"
Gojyo slipped his arms around Hakkai and yawned. "What do you think?"
"I think I need a shower."
Gojyo's arms tightened, and he snuggled against Hakkai. "In a bit, okay?"
Hakkai smiled. He'd never expected Gojyo to be the snuggling type. "All right."
Hakkai's phone was ringing. He fumbled for his bedside table, but instead of touching the cheap laminate he expected, he connected with flesh.
"Ow! Hey!"
Right. He wasn't at home. "Oh, I'm sorry, Gojyo." He sat up. It was almost evening; he would have to go to work soon.
"Here." Gojyo handed him his phone.
"Hello?" Hakkai frowned at the slight roughness in his voice.
"Hakkai? Will you still take me to get my guitar? They said it should be ready in a couple of days."
"Of course, Goku. Which music store?"
"Umm, it's the one by the museum."
"April's?"
"Yeah!"
Hakkai could hear Sanzo speaking in the background. Gojyo's hand slid up his unclad thigh.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell him. Hey, Hakkai, Kougaiji wants you to call him. I guess there's some wedding junk he wants to talk to you about."
Hakkai looked away from Gojyo. "Yes, tell Sanzo I'll call him."
"Sanzo?" Gojyo snarled from the bed. "That prick who runs the agency?"
Hakkai raised his eyebrow and covered the mouthpiece on the phone. "You know him, then?"
"I know of him. He sent us that freak, Hazel."
"Hey," Goku shouted through the phone, "are you talking to your boyfriend?"
"I told you, Goku, he's not my--" Hakkai felt his face heat.
"Sanzo! Cut it out, I wanna talk to Hakkai about his boyfriend."
There was the sound of a struggle with the phone, and then Sanzo spoke. "Call him, damn it."
"Yes, Sanzo, I'll get--"
Sanzo hung up.
And Gojyo was staring at him.
Gojyo placed his head on his arm and smiled. "I'm not your … what?"
"Goku gets some crazy ideas. He's probably already got us living together." Hakkai stood up. His legs were a bit wobbly. "Where are my clothes?"
"The shirt was toast, so I threw it out. Your pants and jacket are hanging in the closet. I'll get you one of my t-shirts." Gojyo slid out of the bed and padded across the room to his bureau.
Hakkai watched Gojyo's naked backside with appreciation. Next time.
Gojyo handed him a t-shirt as he climbed back into bed. "Is Goku Sanzo's squeeze?"
"Yes. They've been together for years."
"And Goku thinks I'm your boyfriend, right?" Gojyo grinned at him.
Hakkai nodded.
"What do you think?"
Hakkai pulled the t-shirt on--it was black, of course. "I think I'm not ready to answer that question." He snagged his boxers off the floor and put them on, too.
"Yeah?" Gojyo rolled onto his back and stared at Hakkai. "But you want to come back, don't you?"
"Yes. Now, are you going to give me a ride back to the club?"
"Sure."
Gojyo shut off the bike in front of the bar.
Hakkai slid off the seat with a quiet groan. He was a little sore.
"Hey, Hakkai, is that your car?" Gojyo nodded at the Ferrari.
"It's a little complicated." Hakkai tried to play it off. "But yes, I guess you could say so."
"It's a Ferrari. I don't mean to be a dick, but can you afford that?"
Hakkai laughed. "Hardly. It was a gift."
Gojyo narrowed his eyes. "Who gives a gift worth half a mil?"
Hakkai looked away.
"An ex?" Gojyo touched his shoulder. "Was it Kougaiji?"
"Yes."
Gojyo swallowed. "Oh. Did you and he have something?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Yeah?" Gojyo crossed his arms. "Then, what would you say?"
"Nothing that wouldn't make me sound sad and pathetic."
"So you were--" Gojyo's phone rang.
Hakkai looked at the parking lot, trying not to listen. Hakuryuu's jeep was parked in its customary spot, and Hakkai was just realizing how behind he was. He'd hoped he could run home and change, but now he wasn't so sure.
"Hakkai?"
Hakkai turned to see Gojyo scowling at his phone.
"That was Jien. He wants me to meet him at another club. He thinks he found a guitarist that will fit with us."
"Oh, I see." Hakkai was acutely aware that he didn't want to be separated from Gojyo just yet. Everything was too new, and it all seemed so dreamlike and fragile. "Well, then, you should go."
"I don’t really want to, you know." Gojyo cleared his throat and then hooked his thumb over his shoulder at the car. "We have to talk about that. If it's a car you need, I can--"
Hakkai leaned forward and kissed Gojyo. When he pulled away, he said, "There's nothing to talk about, I assure you. There was never anything between us, and I can give you a full account later. If you need it."
"Hmm." Gojyo grinned at him. "Nice way to throw me off the track. Okay, I um … shit. I need to go. The club is--"
"Gojyo, it's all right. Go already."
"Right. See you soon." He nodded and jumped on his bike again. It rumbled to life, and Gojyo toed the kickstand up.
Hakkai held up his hand as he watched Gojyo disappear from the parking lot.
"Hey, boss."
"Good evening, Hakuryuu," Hakkai said as he walked through the door and toward the bar. He was physically exhausted, but in an exhilarating way. The feel of his clothes sliding against his skin as he walked reminded him of Gojyo's feather-light touches, and that was nearly enough to bring on an erection. He felt brazen and reckless, and the world in general seemed a little clearer, as if his senses were sharper.
Hakuryuu raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you wearing a t-shirt? I believe your fashion sense is slipping a bit. Must be the company you're keeping."
"Quiet, Hakuryuu." Hakkai smiled at him. "And yes, maybe."
"Oh, my, but you are positively giddy. Could it be that my brooding boss is in love?"
"I don't brood."
"No, of course not." Hakuryuu nodded.
"Yes. Well." Hakkai tried to keep his features neutral, but his smile returned. "I have been enjoying myself."
"That's great, boss, you deserve it. Out of the handful of potential lovers you've shown interest in over the years, I think I like him the best. He's a little simple, maybe, but overall, I think he's a good guy in spite of his notoriety and splashy tabloid past."
Splashy tabloid past? Hakkai gave himself a moment to think about that. He'd figured out Gojyo was something of a celebrity, but … splashy tabloid past?
"Of course, he's a single, good-looking guy who leans toward being a bad boy, and that type always piques a lot of interest." Hakuryuu set a glass of scotch in front of Hakkai. "But I'd watch out when your relationship goes public."
"Public? I never--"
"You won't have to. Trust me, they'll find you. In fact, you've already become something of a sensation: Sha Gojyo's mysterious companion."
"I'm … what?"
"Oh, hell," Hakuryuu leaned on the counter, "you really don't know, do you?"
Hakkai's stomach fluttered--he had a bad feeling about this. "Know what?"
"There's a crappy phone picture of the two of you on his bike circulating on the internet. Apparently, Sha Gojyo doesn't let anyone on his bike, so you've got the rock-and-roll world all atwitter. Literally."
Hakkai took a drink of his scotch.
"I can't believe you guys didn't get completely overrun last night. No one must have known you were going to The Euphoria."
"Hakuryuu--"
Hakuryuu sighed in exasperation, and his normal, teasing tone was gone when he said, "I know you. You've walked into this whole thing completely clueless, and he's so used to it, he probably didn't even think to warn you about it."
"Warn me? About what?"
"Look, Hakkai, you like your privacy, but I can guarantee that if you have a relationship with Gojyo, you'll have to give that up. How will you feel when they start digging into your past and the state of your affairs? And don't fool yourself into believing that they won't. Gojyo might not be a pop star, but he's a big enough name that the paparazzi will come after you. They'll put your life under a microscope. Can you deal with that?"
Kougaiji and the Ferrari. The bar's financial crisis. Kanan's illness. All of those things might be dragged out into the light of day and discussed. No one should care about any of it, but the paparazzi would. Hakkai had watched the press sift through Kougaiji's life with interest, and he wasn't even someone they cared about. If Gojyo was what Hakuryuu said he was … Hakkai drained his glass, but after he swallowed, he wasn't certain it would stay down.
"I don't think I would enjoy that."
Hakuryuu gave a sad sigh. "I'm not trying to wreck what you have, you know. I'm happy for you, but I don't think you were given enough background to make an informed decision."
Hakkai rubbed his thumb on the empty glass. What if he'd known who and what Kenren--the thought of that name now irritated Hakkai--was? Would he have fallen so easily for him? Maybe, but he would have been far more cautious.
"I'm not one hundred percent sure it would have made any difference," Hakkai finally answered. "But all the same, I wish I'd known. Maybe they won't."
Hakuryuu shook his head. "It's already too late."
"Why do you say that?"
"I've heard through the grapevine that there was an altercation at The Euphoria involving Gojyo and his brother, and possibly a former band member. Some guy was kicking ass with martial arts." Hakuryuu tapped his forehead, mirroring the spot where Hakkai's small bandage was. "You, I presume. People are dying to know who you are."
"But I'm not that interesting!"
"It's all relative. You're far more interesting than the people who read that crap."
Hakkai ground his teeth in frustration. He wanted to talk to Gojyo, to confront him about this, but he didn't know where Gojyo was. To top it off, they hadn't even exchanged numbers.
Hakuryuu gazed wistfully around the bar. "I think we both prefer the obscurity of Kanan's, don't we?"
"Both?" More warning bells sounded in Hakkai's head. "Hakuryuu, do you have something to tell me?"
Hakuryuu blinked and stood up straight. "Oh. Gojyo didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"He asked me if I was interested in joining his new band. I told him I'd think about it, so I am."
"You're the drummer he's been after?" Hakkai was confused.
"I guess." Hakuryuu leaned on the bar again. "Maybe he didn't want to say anything until I made up my mind."
That made sense. But it also meant Gojyo had come to the bar originally to hear Hakuryuu. Why did that bother Hakkai?
"I'm going home to change." Hakkai pushed himself away from the bar and headed for the door.
"Hakkai?"
Hakkai turned and faced his friend.
"I'm sorry."
He smiled. "I appreciate the information and your concern."
"Oh, man, don't give me that creepy smile." Hakuryuu waved at him. "Come back when you're ready. Gat and I can handle tonight if you don't."
Hakkai walked toward the door. "I should be back in an hour or two."
He drove, fast and hard and with the engine screaming, forcing him to stay focused and keeping his mind clear, as Amy Winehouse sang the blues to him with extremely inappropriate lyrics.
At least it was still early in his relationship with Gojyo. He barely knew him, and the paparazzi might not care about a destitute nightclub owner with a crazy sister who'd tapped his life dry.
She wasn't crazy, he reminded himself, his feet working all three pedals as he jammed the gear-shift into third, tires squealing as he drifted around a corner. He spun the steering wheel, keeping the car facing forward as he shifted again and then wrenched the wheel straight. The tires grabbed, and he shot down a straight stretch of road.
What a magnificent car. He pressed his foot to the floor, listening to the responding growl from the engine as he pushed the Ferrari hard. He should have been back at the bar three hours ago, but it just didn't seem important to him. Now, with the lights of the city coming into view, he decided he'd brooded enough, and it was time to go back.
When he pulled into the overfull parking lot, Hakkai realized that he'd already been found out.
The reverberating echo of a piano chord still hung in the air when Hakkai heard the now-familiar voice.
"Hakkai?"
The clock over the bar read 3:36.
Hakkai picked up his cigarettes and lit one. He inhaled deeply and then took a healthy drink of his scotch. Turning slowly on the piano bench he said, "How did you get in here?"
Gojyo took a couple steps forward and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Hakuryuu phoned me and asked me to meet him here. He said you were kind of freaked out over everything and that we probably needed to … talk."
"Hmm." Hakkai took another drag of his cigarette and raised his glass. "Did you know I have a drinking problem?"
Gojyo shook his head. "What?"
"Most of the time I can control it, but every now and then …" Hakkai shrugged and took a drink. "I figured I should tell you since you'll probably be able to read about it soon."
"So … I'm guessing that means the paparazzi got to you, huh?"
"You could say that." Hakkai stared at Gojyo. "I'm broke. You should know that, too. I'm a financial ruin, and this bar …" he raised his hand and waved at the ceiling, "will destroy me soon. And now you know everything."
"Aww, shit, man. I didn't think they'd come after you so fast. I'm kind of yesterday's news, so I don't usually draw that much attention anymore." He scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry." Gojyo let out a frustrated breath. "Damn it. I knew you were freaked out to begin with, but this couldn't have helped."
Hakkai set down his drink and his cigarette, and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "I'm not certain it's something easily explained until you've experienced it. And this is just the beginning, isn't it?"
"Probably."
Dropping his hands on his knees, Hakkai said, "So, are the paternity suits true?"
Gojyo sighed and took another step forward. "The suits are true, but the DNA tests cleared me on every one of them."
"And the destruction of property?"
Gojyo nodded. "Guilty. But I was young, and dude, I did warn you that I was a punk. Banri and I got into a lot of trouble when we were kids."
Hakkai picked up his cigarette and puffed on it. That was true, Gojyo had warned him, but blowing up a house? "I'd ask you about the assault charges, but that's hardly fair considering I have my own anger issues."
"Anger issues?" Gojyo shook his head. "Look, I would have told you all of this on my own."
"When?" Hakkai crossed his legs. "You had to know I'd figure it out sooner or later, Kenren."
Gojyo sucked in a breath. "Okay, I get it, you're pissed off."
"Do you really?"
"Fuck, Hakkai, I told you from the beginning I was afraid of scaring you off." He stepped onto the dais. "I know I'm not your type; I'm not smart and cultured like Kougaiji. I'm a punk who barely managed to graduate from public education and sings in a rock-and-roll band."
Hakkai blinked.
"Yeah, I should've told you from the beginning, but tell me the truth--if I had, you wouldn't have given me the time of day, right?"
Hakkai didn't answer, but Gojyo was correct.
Gojyo leaned on the piano. "How bad is this, Hakkai? I mean--you know, for us?"
"It's not good." His head was spinning. "But I'm not up to making any decisions at the moment."
"So," Gojyo prompted, "does that mean you're not dumping me?"
"No." Hakkai sighed. "Not yet, anyway. You're a life-changing event for me, one I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with. I'd like to catch my breath for a moment."
"So," Gojyo furrowed his brow, "you are dumping me?"
"No, I'm not, but you need to give me some time to think."
"How much--"
Hakkai stared at Gojyo. "Oh, I think a potential boyfriend should get as much time as a potential band member. What do you think?"
"Dude, ouch. You're pissed off about Hakuryuu, too? But you have to see that wasn't really my call. He needed to--"
"Gojyo, please."
Gojyo straightened. "All right, all right."
The silence between them was very loud.
"Look," Gojyo's voice was soft, "I have to go out of town for the next two days. There's this guitarist Jien and I … Well, I was going to ask you to go with me."
"Gojyo--"
"Yeah, I know, I know." He held up his hand. "Instead I'll give you your space to figure out what you want--"
"Thank you for that."
Gojyo ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not crazy about leaving with things like this, you know, but if that's what you want--"
Even through his lingering outrage, Hakkai could hear the panic in Gojyo's voice. "Gojyo, I don't know anything right now."
"I know." Gojyo drew random designs on the piano. "I'll tell you what. There's a few of us jamming on Wednesday at this place called Map of France. Maybe you could come watch us and let me know what you think about this guitarist. No strings, no pressure, okay?"
"Map of France?"
"Hey, I didn't name the place, I just play there." Gojyo leaned on his elbows, bringing himself closer to Hakkai, his eyes pleading. "Will you be there?"
"I don't--"
"Even if you're going to tell me to get lost, okay?"
Through his pain and confusion, Hakkai already knew what he wanted to say. But he was very vulnerable, and now was not the time for Hakkai to tell Gojyo he cared about him. Besides, there was his honest fear that he couldn't deal with the pressure of paparazzi. He'd only hurt Gojyo if he made promises he couldn't keep.
Gojyo didn't know about Kanan's past, and dredging up her troubled life would be an unintentional consequence of their relationship. Hakkai was treating Gojyo unfairly, but he was resentful. He wanted to protect Kanan and he wanted to have Gojyo, but he was painfully aware he could only pick one. Until he did, he needed to distance himself.
And he was angry about it. He'd already spent most of his life protecting Kanan, and he wanted this once to be selfish. Gojyo was a tempting piece of happiness but at a very dear cost. He was mad at both of them--Kanan for her illness and Gojyo for making him happy.
"Hakkai?" Gojyo was waiting for an answer.
"All right." He sighed. "I'll be there."
"That's … promising. I think." Gojyo stepped next to him and touched Hakkai's cheek. "We're good together, Hakkai. Really good. I--"
Gojyo backed away, his eyes wide.
"I'll see you, okay?" He turned and raced out of the bar, leaving Hakkai to wonder about the look of fear he'd just seen on Gojyo's face.
Love Me Like Music - Part 4