Saiyuki Fic, Sorrow Floats--Chapter 5
Title: Sorrow Floats, Chapter 5
Author: Despina_Moon
Pairing: Gojyo/Kanan
Summary: Gojyo has a surprising secret from his past he can no longer hide. Will it change everything in the present? Saiyuki AU. Mostly.
Many, many thanks to my beta readers, the amazing moshesque and the fabulous whymzycal. Those two have humored me and put up with months of whining and crying. I can't even begin to express my gratitude. They've made this story into something wonderful and I love them both. ♥ ♥ ♥
But I touched it last.
A note to my readers I totally did not expect this positive response!! I thought there might be a handful of people who would follow this story. I have been so surprised by the number of people reading and great comments!
I promise I will respond to everyone, soon. I've been hammering away at last minute changes and well … real life keeps getting in the way, but in the meantime:
♥ ♥ THANK YOU!!! ♥ ♥
If you missed it, here is Chapter 4.
Sorrow Floats
Chapter 5
Gojyo was sixteen, and for the first time in years-no, make that the first time in his life--he was relatively certain someone actually cared about him. Since he'd moved in with Kanan, they’d grown closer. His days seemed easier, brighter--more positive. Each morning he woke up happy and looked forward to loving Kanan. Every day was new, and in spite of learning a bit about the trials of relationships and for all of Gojyo's experience with difficult times, Kanan still did things that left him completely surprised.
"Gojyo, I need to go visit the orphanage." Kanan stood up from their table.
"What?" His head snapped up from his dinner of overcooked vegetables, undercooked rice, and … something else. Kanan wasn't much of a cook, and it had been her night. He would happily cook every night, but she wouldn't hear it.
"I won't be gone too long."
He tried to catch her eye, but her gaze slipped away. "Why would you want to go back there?"
She picked up his half-eaten dinner and quickly turned toward the sink. "I was very close to several of the girls and a few of the nuns there. I've avoided going for obvious reasons, but now, one of my favorite nuns has become ill."
"Oh." He watched her. She was keeping her back to him. There was something just a little strange in her body language, and her voice was a little tense. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"No." She faced him, leaning against the counter, but still wouldn't make eye contact. "I don't think that will be necessary."
Gojyo knew she wasn't telling him something. For a brief moment, he wondered if it was because he was … different. "Oh," he said.
"I can't take you with me, Gojyo." Her eyes were unreadable from across the room. "I'm sixteen, but by their standards, I'm still a child. The nuns wouldn't understand if they knew I was sleeping with someone I'm not married to."
Gojyo blinked at her. "Are you serious?"
She nodded. "I am. I know it sounds silly, but they are quite … adamant about that sort of thing. Also, men aren't allowed there." She ground her teeth. "Except for the priests, of course."
He opened his mouth, ready to ask if she wanted to get married, but he was worried she would laugh at him. Besides, nobody would marry two sixteen-year-old kids. He sighed at his helplessness. "How soon are you leaving?"
"I need to arrange my time off with the restaurant." She wiped her hands on a towel. "I hope in a few days."
Kanan was still on edge, and Gojyo was sure there was more, but he didn't press the issue. Chances were good that her jumpiness had something to do with the unpleasant memories her journey back to the orphanage would bring. Yeah, that was it. He chewed on his bottom lip. That must be it.
"So … how long will you be gone?" He gauged her reaction, hoping his question didn't sound like an accusation.
"I think a couple of weeks will be more than enough."
"Weeks?" He stared at her.
"What?" She tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. "You can't live without me for a couple of weeks?"
"Nah." He gathered the last of the dinner dishes, stood up, and put them in the sink. Then he looked over at her smiling face. "I know I can survive for a couple of weeks without you. I just don't want to."
"Hmm." She leaned into him and relaxed a little. "You always know exactly what to say."
Gojyo chuckled and put his arms around her. "Well, yeah, you've taught me, after all."
"That's true." She squeezed him in return.
"You'll really come back?" Gojyo almost winced at how lame he sounded.
She pulled away and he held onto her braid, enjoying the silky feel of her hair as it slipped through his fingers. "Gojyo … why wouldn't I come back?"
Because of what I am, he almost said. Gojyo thought about Mrs. Lee and her friends. He thought about his slim options for a career and wondered what she was hiding from him. He wanted to ask her questions, wanted her to soothe his fears, but he didn't say anything. Instead he just tugged the band off her braid and started to loosen her hair.
"Well, I am coming back." She flicked him on his forehead.
"Oww." He rubbed at the spot between his eyebrows. "What was that for?"
"Because you're being silly."
"Maybe," he said while he finished combing out the mass of her hair with his fingers, watching it tumbling over her small shoulders and hanging in thick, chestnut waves to her waist. She really was beautiful.
"Don't worry, Gojyo." Kanan placed her hand on his cheek and then hugged him. "I really will be back."
He nuzzled at her neck, feeling a desperate but unnamed emotion. "Okay."
"Thank you for not pushing harder to go along. They really wouldn't understand."
"Sure," he said with a shrug. And he believed her.
***
While Kanan was on her visit, Gojyo took another mule job. This time he was running opium between cities. He knew it was opium because the idiotic contact had told him. Gojyo didn't like knowing what he was running; that made him more vulnerable if he caught.
Even though wondered about what Kanan might be doing, Gojyo managed to stay focused on what he was doing. For six days Gojyo reverted to his old ways, slipping silently through the city, taking back alleys and rooftops. He'd stuffed his hair under a hat and kept his eyes down. The trick was to look like a regular street kid and not a half-breed drug runner, and it was easier than it seemed. He'd understood long ago that regular people tended to not see the poor and needy. Grif was his back-up, and Gojyo had to hand it to the big fella, he could be quiet when he set his mind to it. Not to mention that the giant oaf was tough and good in a scrape.
The job went off without a single snag, and Gojyo raked in a fortune for himself and the gang. From his share, there would also be enough to cover the rent for Kanan's apartment for several months. When she returned in a couple of days, he hoped to take her out for a nice dinner.
He was daydreaming about eggrolls and rice as they neared Banri's place. Gojyo was certain there would be a giant party later that night, and he was actually looking forward to it. He hadn’t been spending much time with his buddies, and he missed the card games and the dumb-ass pranks they played on one another.
Once inside, Gojyo couldn't help but notice how weirdly quiet the house was. While Gojyo and Banri settled their take, Grif disappeared to take a shower. Tero was asleep on the floor, and from the look of his dark, lopsided hair--spiky on one side and crushed on the other--he'd been there for a while. Gojyo had an ongoing fascination with Tero's ability to fall asleep anywhere and under any conditions. The guy was amazing.
Gojyo stood up. "Well, I'm going home to take my own shower. I'll be back in a bit." He grabbed his jacket and walked toward the door.
"Hey," Banri called after him, "your girl's outta town, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I'm jus' askin'."
Gojyo reached for the doorknob.
"Ya might want ta keep a low profile for a bit."
Banri's words held more than the usual warning. Gojyo stopped, then turned to face his friend. "Why?"
"Someone got murdered, and ya know, the law always tries to look like they're doin' something when someone respectable gets axed." Banri burped before he took a deep drink from his beer bottle. "They've already been by here nosin' around and askin' their usual dumbass questions."
A thread of unease coiled around Gojyo's gut. The law only came to see them when there was a robbery or an assault. Banri and his band were punks, thieves, and occasional extortionists, sure, but murder wasn't their style. "They think we had something to do with it?"
"Nah, I don't think so, but ya know, usual suspects an' all that." Banri studied Gojyo intently. His blue-eyed stare could rattle some folks, but it didn't really bother Gojyo. Most of the time. Today, Banri definitely had something specific on his mind. "The recently deceased really wasn't someone we'd go after. We wouldn't bother with a priest after all, would we?"
"A priest?" Gojyo felt like all his blood had drained out of him. "No, we wouldn't bother with one of them."
"Right." Banri set his beer down and picked at the label. "I told 'em we didn't know anything. 'Sides, according to the lawman, what little money the guy had was still on him."
"A priest, huh?" Gojyo knew he shouldn't ask, but he did anyway. "Was he Buddhist?"
"Nah, one of those other ones." Banri blinked slowly at Gojyo and pulled a cigarette out of a pack. "Ya know, the ones that run the orphanages."
"Really?" Gojyo's mouth was dry.
"Ya just missed the lawman when ya got back. I guess that was lucky, huh?"
"Yeah." Gojyo exhaled. "So that's why the house was so quiet when we got here."
"Yep. They found the stiff a little while ago, and they think he hadn't been dead very long, maybe las' night. I guess it was pretty bloody, the dude had a bunch of stab wounds."
"Stab wounds?" There was a tense silence in the room while Gojyo tried to digest what was happening.
"Yeah. In the back, in his kidney, and in his leg. A couple on his arms." Banri lit his cigarette and took a long drag. "Looks like whoever did it knew how ta whack someone. After I gave the dude a beer, lawman wouldn't shut up about it. He was all shook up an' acted like he'd never seen a dead body before. 'Course, we don't see too many murders of respectable folk 'round here."
Gojyo mind shot into high speed. A priest who oversaw the orphanages killed during Kanan's absence. The timing was a little too perfect. But it couldn't be her, could it? She was out of town, wasn't she? Plus, she didn't know how to stab people to death.
In his head he heard her say, I read a lot. Gojyo knew if she wanted to learn how to do something, she would. But books and real life … Shit, shit, shit! He could feel the sweat gather between his shoulder blades.
"You don't know anything about it, do ya, Gojyo?" Banri's eyes sparkled in the dim light of the little house.
Banri was definitely suspicious. Gojyo shook his head. "Nope, not me. I've been busy running, remember?"
"Right. Well, that's good then, 'cause killin' priests is kinda bad for business." Banri took another drag from his cigarette. He exhaled, and the smoke swirled around his head. "Even if they do deserve it. An' being what we are, you know we can't be too careful."
"Yeah." Gojyo headed toward the door, his footsteps a little quicker than usual.
"Hey," Banri said just as Gojyo got to the door, "be careful, will ya? There's a killer out there, and they might not like, ya know, loose ends."
Gojyo didn't answer. He stepped outside and headed for their apartment. His heart was pounding and his head was spinning. He knew Kanan was capable of killing someone because of her other story, but this was … Gojyo reined in his reeling thoughts.
The truth was, he'd killed people, too. Not a lot of them, but over the years he'd been in various situations where it was kill or be killed. He understood that his moral compass wasn't quite lined up with people who didn't live on the streets, but for a moment, he wondered what he might do if he ever met up with one of his rapists.
His footsteps slowed. If he met up with one of them by chance, Gojyo really wasn't sure what he'd do or how he'd react. But if Kanan was responsible for the dead priest, there was no way that meeting was just by chance. She'd been waiting for the guy, stalking him even, and that was … kind of creepy. She'd told Gojyo she was looking for the priest; had he believed she'd forgotten and given up? Because things had been calm and good, had he thought that she wouldn't seek revenge? He wasn't certain how he felt about that.
Then again, while Gojyo couldn't understand her actions, he did know she was different from him. Perhaps he was judging her a bit too harshly. In the end, didn't everyone do what they had to in order to survive? There really wasn't a right and wrong as far as Gojyo was concerned. Maybe Kanan's actions would help other kids in the orphanage. Who was to say that one killing wasn't a good thing in the grand scheme of life?
Not him.
Gojyo's fingers were shaking when he let himself into their apartment. He found her sitting at the small table, staring at a wall. The room was dark, with the curtains closed and the shades drawn. None of the lights were turned on.
"Kanan?"
"Oh, hello, Gojyo." She turned her head to look at him, but he got the feeling she really wasn't seeing him. "Where have you been? I got back a little earlier than I expected."
He walked forward, a little freaked out by her odd, stilted speech, and then he saw the ice wrapped around her arm. "Hey, you aren't hurt, are you?"
"No, not really. I fell on my way back." Her hair was wild but clean, and it still looked a little damp. One of his t-shirts hung loosely on her, making her look small and vulnerable. Kanan smiled at him. Her eyes were cold and distant.
Placing a chair near her, he sat down, then reached out and gently removed the ice. There was a nasty bruise covering much of her left wrist, and the imprint of fingers was unmistakable. He stared at her. "Is it broken?"
"I don't think so." She flexed her wrist and winced.
"Let me see it." Running his fingers over her arm, he didn't feel anything too weird. There were bandages in the kitchenette--leftovers from one of his nighttime rumbles--and he stood up to retrieve them. While he was up, he opened the curtains and noticed a yellow dress, wet with dark brown stains on it, draped over a counter near the sink. They'd need to get rid of that.
"Here." He held out his hands and then, in silence, wrapped her swollen arm. He'd been in enough altercations to know her injury wasn't from a fall, but he kept quiet. When--or if--she wanted to talk about it, she would.
Gojyo leaned close pushed an unruly strand of hair out of her eyes. "How about we go down to the restaurant and get some food? I think we need to get you outside for a while."
"No."
"We don't have to stay, we can bring it back. Come on, now. Get up."
She got off the chair and stumbled, her knees giving out. Gojyo caught her around her waist and held her steady. Her arms wrapped around him and she squeezed tightly. "You know what I did, don't you?"
"Yeah." He hugged her in return, rubbing one palm over her back soothingly. "I know."
"Do I disgust you now?"
He shook his head. "Hardly. But I was also worried and afraid you'd been hurt. You're not a very big girl, you know."
"Just a few bruises, but I killed him, Gojyo."
"Yeah." He swallowed.
"It wasn't like the last time." She released a shuddering breath. "This was harder."
Gojyo inhaled the scent of her hair--smelling shampoo mingling with the faint, lingering aroma of blood--and he was immediately horny as hell. He was certain there had to be something wrong with him. Focusing his thoughts, he asked, "Why was this time different?"
"He was conscious." She started to shake. "He screamed and begged for his life."
Gojyo tightened his hold on her. This was a gruesome conversation, but he pressed on. "Are you sorry that you did it?"
"Not at all. I remembered how when he would hurt me, I screamed, too."
He wanted to turn away. Her emotions were raging, thick and full of years of hurt. His desire disappeared, and he fought to keep his senses open. He needed to hear and see her pain, and maybe together they could get rid the ghosts twisting her soul.
"All of us screamed. He raped several of the girls and even some of the nuns. We told the Bishop, and the Mother Superior punished us for it. No one cared about us. I don't think they even believed us, and it kept happening. It was still happening."
"How do you know?"
"One of my friends who's still at the orphanage wrote to me and told me the bastard was there and still ..." She curled her fingers around his arm. "And he told me."
Gojyo pulled back, far enough to see her face. "He told you? You talked to him first?"
"Yes." She nodded. "I knew he would come this way once he was finished--inspecting--the orphanage. I know the trail and the surrounding area very well. I picked a good spot and just waited for him."
Gojyo remembered their trip to the forest. He hadn't even known the meadow they'd made love in was there. How many hours she'd spent on those trails, planning her ambush, waiting patiently for her revenge?
Her voice was flat. "After he passed me, I just stepped out and stabbed him. He heard me and whirled, and I grazed him. That's when he grabbed my arm, and that's when he recognized me. Then he pushed me away and I fell. He was holding his side, and there was a lot of blood. He started to laugh."
She was surprisingly calm. Gojyo didn't say anything. He just waited.
"He told me he was still doing whatever he wanted with the girls and that no one could stop him. He laughed--he bragged about it. Even though I was holding the knife and he was bleeding so much, he came after me. He grabbed at me, and then he tried …" She straightened her back and seemed a little taller. "He thought I was still afraid of him."
"Kanan?" Gojyo coaxed. He felt sick and angry. "What happened?"
Her eyes were dry and cold. "He didn't think I'd really stab him again. He was surprised when I did. He got up and tried to run away, and that's when I …" Kanan's fingers squeezed his arms, but that was her only sign of distress. "I stabbed him, and I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad."
Gojyo's anger overrode any doubt he'd harbored about Kanan's actions. The crazy priest had tried to hurt her again. If the slimy bastard had managed it, Gojyo wasn't certain she would've survived emotionally. Kanan seemed tough on the outside, but in reality, she was fragile and walked very close to the edge of self-destruction. "I'm glad he's dead, too, but I don't think facing him alone was a good idea."
She looked up at him. Fury flickered in her eyes.
He hurried his explanation. "You could've been hurt. You can't do something like that again, okay? Not alone."
"Gojyo, what are you--"
"If there is a next time, you need to take me with you."
Kanan's voice was barely a whisper. "You'd do that?"
He nodded. "For you, yeah. Anything."
She stared at him for a full thirty seconds before he felt her body relax against him. "Sha Gojyo, I'm in love with you; did you know that?"
Her words made his thoughts reel, and he felt very warm. He needed a moment before he could get his head to clear enough to realize she was chuckling. At him. Gojyo wasn't sure how he felt about that.
He scratched his head, wondering if he'd missed something. "What's so funny?"
"You are. I can't believe how lucky I am." She kissed him and then nipped at his bottom lip. "You always amaze me, somehow, you never fail to be kind."
He was the one amazed. The bite on his lower lip was full of sensual promises. Mentally, he shook his head; hadn't he just agreed to help her kill someone? And now she was seducing him? And he was responding? Gojyo wondered what the hell was wrong with them both.
His voice was hoarse when he said, "I think you're confused. I'm definitely not kind." He was definitely confused, after all.
"Maybe. Do you mind if we eat later?" She rubbed her body against his, grinding lightly against his rapidly returning erection.
His throat was tight. "I don't mind."
"I need to feel you inside me." She placed her hands on his shoulders and then jumped up and wrapped her bare legs around him.
He gasped at her unexpected action and stumbled backwards into a wall. One hand automatically slid down and grabbed her ass, and his other supported her back, holding her tight against him. She squeezed with her thighs, and Gojyo groaned.
"You seem surprised, Gojyo."
"I am." He stared into her eyes. "I didn't think you'd want … I thought you might be more freaked out."
"I thought so, too, but you are the one who taught me the difference between pleasure and violence." She moved her hands behind his neck and this time, her smile was genuine. "Besides, I think I need a little life affirmation."
He chuckled as he carried her to the bed. "Is that what you're calling it now?"
"Hmm. Well, then what do you call it, then? A good, hard fuck?"
"That works for me." He tumbled onto the bed with her, careful of her arm.
She giggled as she bounced on the mattress. "Then it works for me, too."
He covered her mouth with his and ran his hand up one of her legs. Once he touched the wetness between her thighs, he didn't need any convincing. Quickly, he shucked off his clothes and rolled on a condom.
"Yes," she sighed as he entered her, "make me feel again, Gojyo. Make me forget."
She felt hot, tight, and perfect. But he knew no matter how hard he tried, he could never make her forget.
***
A week later, while cleaning up their apartment, he was gathering up the trash when several crumpled-up pieces of paper rolled out of the bag and onto the floor. One was glossy and looked expensive, filled with splashes of color. Curious about what it was, Gojyo picked it up, then flattened it out on the table.
The paper was a brochure for a university called St. Michael's. The second paper was a completed entrance application, signed by three people and including an official-looking seal. Following that was another page with a different seal that contained Kanan's grades and test scores. Along with the wadded up papers were letters of recommendation from the Bishop, the Mother Superior, and several teachers. They all spoke of Kanan's great intelligence and how she could go on to become a renowned doctor or a scientist.
"Gojyo," Kanan said from behind him, "what are you doing?"
He looked at her and then held up the paper. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
She glanced at what he held. "Oh, because it's not important. I'm not going; that's why I threw it away."
Gojyo thumbed through the pages. "Kanan … This school, it's a big deal, isn't it?"
Kanan shrugged. "Yes, I suppose it is. Sister Mary Frances--she's not the dancer, she's the one I really liked--wants me to go back to school. She got me this scholarship at St. Michael's. When I was still at the orphanage, she'd told me that it was a very good school. When I went back to the orphanage to ... visit, she told me she'd done all this."
He had a bad feeling about this. "Where's the school?"
"I don't know the town's name. It's supposed to be about fifty miles away."
"Oh." Fifty miles away? "Well, if it's such a good school, you should go." He didn't really want to say that. What he wanted to say--no, what he wanted to shout--was: Stay with me!
Her brow furrowed. "You want me to go?"
"Don't be stupid, of course I don't want you to go; you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." It was the truth, but even if he wanted to, he would not beg her to stay.
"Then, why?"
"If it's a good opportunity, you should go." He couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth. They were the right words, of course, but they hurt to say. "I mean, you weren’t planning on staying here forever, anyway, right?"
"I don't know. I mean, I still want to find my brother, but …" She wrung her hands.
"But … what?" Inside his head, he was screaming, Kanan, stay with me!
Her face crumpled up. "… But, I don't want to leave you!"
Dark, cloudy images swirled in his head, barely formed childhood memories of being alone and then forced on someone who didn't want him. He tried to shake off the bad feeling. "No, Kanan. You can't stay because of me. After a while you'd hate me for holding you back, and every time you'd look at me, I'd make you mad. I couldn't deal with that."
"I wouldn't do that, Gojyo!"
"Not on purpose, maybe." Unconsciously, he touched the scars on his cheek. "I want you to stay, but I don't want to be responsible for holding you back. I won't, so don't stay because of me."
Tears started to fall from Kanan's eyes. "But ..."
Well, hell. "Kanan, don't cry, okay?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Look, how soon do you have to let them know?"
"Soon. Next week."
"Then I think you should give it a few days. I think we should give it a few days. This is too big to just toss in the garbage." What the fuck was he doing? Gojyo couldn't believe the stupid words coming out of his mouth. On the other hand, what he was saying was true. If she gave the school serious thought and still wanted to stay, he would feel better about it.
He set his jaw. "Just think about it, okay?"
She rubbed at her eyes and then smiled. "Okay. Maybe I'll write to Sister Bernadette and see what else she might have to say."
Well, fuck. Gojyo forced a smile, and then did the only thing he could do.
He hugged her.
The next few days were tense for Gojyo. He could see Kanan's mind change and her mood shift almost hourly. They only time he wasn't walking on pins and needles was when she was at work. She had written to the sister, and the wait for the return response was nerve-wracking for both of them.
He fought his own internal battle, changing his mind from moment to moment. Gojyo knew that if he applied pressure, Kanan would stay. He'd even started to do just that a few times before he'd changed the subject in midstream, knowing what he was doing was somehow underhanded. The truth was, if she stayed, her future would never be as bright. Kanan loved learning, and he couldn't keep that from her, no matter how much he wanted to.
After a couple of days of tension, Grif showed up with news from Banri. They had a job if Gojyo was interested. The thought of keeping himself busy was all he needed, and with just a few words, he was out the door and accepting the offer.
This time--during the two-day run--Tero and Gojyo had almost been run down by a stampeding herd of buffalo, nearly been shot when they wandered into a farmer's field, and finally fallen into a freezing, ridiculously fast-moving river. If Grif hadn't been there and pulled their sorry asses out, they both would have drowned. They had miraculously saved the packs, but Gojyo decided then and there, that he could go his entire life without ever being in a river again.
Even so, he was grateful he hadn't had time to think very much about Kanan.
When they finally managed to drag their muddy, raggedy butts home, all hell broke loose. The normally quiet Tero--whose major joy in life was sleep--hadn't taken the risks of being an urban runner well. Not even a minute after stepping into the little house, the small, dark-haired Tero had promptly laid Banri out with a sucker punch before running out the door.
He didn't come back again.
After the running job from hell, Gojyo was hardly surprised when he returned home and saw the sad and determined expression on Kanan's face. He greeted her with a kiss, found a change of clothes, and headed for the shower. He needed to be warm and give himself a couple of minutes to deal with what was happening. She was leaving him.
Well, at least she wasn't crying.
When he was ready to face her, he came out of the bathroom in a pair of jeans, a towel around his shoulders to catch the water from his wet hair. Kanan was in the kitchen. She handed him a hot cup of tea.
She leaned on the counter, holding her own tea. "I heard from Sister Mary Francis."
"... And?"
"I haven't made up my mind yet, but it is a once-in-a-lifetime chance." She fidgeted with her cup. "You must think I'm horrible, Gojyo. I'm so wishy-washy."
"Nah." Gojyo realized, even if she didn't, that she'd made up her mind before she'd even spoken to him. His heart contracted, and he felt a little sick. She would leave him, and nothing would ever be the same again.
She started to cry. "Also, she thinks my brother is at St. Michael's."
"Oh." Well, now he was definitely fucked. Her brother--someone she'd been searching for--there was no fighting that.
Kanan cried harder. "I'm sorry, Gojyo. I'm so sorry."
He sighed internally--that was that, wasn't it? Still, he didn't want to give up yet; he wanted to hold on for as long as possible. "Look, just because you're going away doesn't mean we won't ever see each other again."
Her tears still fell, but she gave him a half-hearted smile. "That's true. I checked the schedule, and I could probably come back every four months--more at holidays. Then I'd still spend summers here. I'll be back so much you won't know I'm gone."
"Right." The word was hard to say and harder to believe. But he wanted to believe.
"I told myself I wouldn't cry." She rubbed at her eyes. "I know crying makes you uncomfortable."
"What?" He stared at her. "No it doesn't!"
She grabbed his nose between her fingers and squeezed. "You think I haven't noticed? You're so transparent."
"Oww!" Gojyo swatted at her hand, at the vise-like grip she had on him.
She started to laugh. "I'll come back during my breaks, but you have to promise you'll keep studying."
Rubbing at his nose, he glared at her. "You know, you kind of have a twisted sense of humor."
Kanan crossed her arms and shrugged. "I blame it on orphanage life."
He glanced at her over his hand. "Will you really come back?"
Placing all of her weight on one leg, she threw her hip forward until she nudged against his arm. "Only to give you tests. If you fail, I won't come back anymore. That includes math."
"Hey, you know math isn't a problem, it’s that poetry shit I don't like."
"You'll also be required to send me updates on your progress."
"How will I do that?"
She poked him on his forehead. "Write to me, dumbass, and please try to make it legible."
"Dumbass?" Gojyo rolled his eyes. "It's probably a good thing you'll be away from me for a while; you're starting to talk like me."
Kanan's voice was filled with sarcasm, "Oh, my, it's so horrid, to be like Sha Gojyo!" She leaned over and licked at his ear. "I'll be back every three or four months. I'll write to you and let you know more specific information when I get there."
He wove his fingers through her loose hair, which had gotten draped over his shoulder. His voice was thick and the words painful, but he asked anyway. "How soon are you leaving?"
"I need to leave in three weeks to register and get my room and books."
"That soon?" Their time together seemed so fragile and brief. He slid his hand around her waist and pulled her close.
"The semester begins a week later, so it's kind of important I'm there when classes begin."
He stood up, sweeping his arms behind her knees and shoulders, and then lifted her in the air. She was lighter than she used to be. Or maybe he was stronger. "Well then, I guess we'd better make the best of the next few days."
She squealed and giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Yeah, I was thinking along similar lines. Just remember, I'll need to be able to walk, okay?"
"Sorry," he grinned at her, "no promises."
***