(no subject)
hey, perry man! go fuck yourself ^.^ why i continue to do things that i think at the time are a good idea, and then find out really aren't is completely beyond me. i guess ramming my head into walls is the only way this ram is learning things. at least it's effective and there are no what if's and repeats. well, there usually aren't any reapeats. anyhow. i only made 100$ at the eeb. it was pretty retarded. i'm not sure why it extracted so much of my soul to be there. i got surrounded by about 10 ppl taking pictures in a 1/2 circle and more kept walking up. i feel like i'm 40. i sort of dove into Devin's lap when i got to maschinen and cried for awhile... i'm really not sure why i felt so tapped and just, idks, wrong. :/ i don't hate men, but i do very seriously dislike most of the guys that were walking around the eeb. just cos Gothic Vegan and i stop to pose for a pic with you does not mean that you're welcome to shove your crotch into my ass. i hope it hurt when i punched your leg. if one more guy looks me up and down as i walk around school i'm probably going to go berzerker rage and like, punch them in the face. there's been a lot of objectifying this weekend... with the whole thing at Timmy's house and the beligerant drunk idiot that was spouting philosophical bull shit that was in no way well thought out or cognitive. i realise that i put myself out there for the eeb, but it was too much. i should have stayed back stage the whole time. but, that would have taught me nothing i suppose. i'm pretty sure that most porn really offends me and it's irritating to watch girls do shit that they don't really want to do. sorry but watching a girl get fucked really hard and not be into it really doesn't turn me on. *shrug* whatever. i'm starting to wonder if i like not being desensitized or not. life would probably be less upsetting if i was. whatever. fuck the fetish scene. fuck the eeb. fuck you George, i'm glad i got drunk. and fuck you for not paying me what was due. i danced my fucking ass off for your little whore stage. i'm irritated with myself for doing stuff that i didn't really want to do and not punching him in the face when the male dancer grabbed my nipple and pinched hard back stage. fuck you too buddy. Rob keeps telling me i'm violent and i should chill out. he's probably right. i'd really like to get laid and cuddle. i'm pretty polarized between wanting to lie in bed and just relax with someone *coughrobcoughcoughcough* -ahem- and wanting to borrow Ava's cross bow, climb the tree out near the tables and shoot the shit of the fucker that was talking so much shit to Julia and insulting my intelligence because I called him homie when i called him out... living with gangstas is affecting my vocabulary... homie is a pretty neutral word though. if somebody called me homie i'd feel sort of retarded for whateverthefuck i just said to elicit that response... :o i'm acting like a bull shit gangsta? fuck sorry dude. ._. Rob's show was pretty sick. I head banged like crazy for their set, but pretty much avoided moshing with them.. they're all pretty big. except Rob :p i'm really not sure what to do with myself right now. i have $40 and am in debt. i'm exhausted and used up right now. i don't want to do much but i can't sleep. i keep waking up and when i finally fall back to sleep i keep dreaming about a little girl climbing in this lady's window and stealing these bowls... the lady keeps getting them back and the girl keeps coming.. one day the lady follows her into the room she's climbing out of the window from and recites a curse as she closes the window. her words are sort of whirling around in my brain. i wish i could sleep. i'm over partying for now. i have a bottle of kessler whiskey and it's not even 1/3 empty. anybody want it? ._.