Forsaken;;
It hurts me to think that I try so hard… I’ve begun to wonder what the point is. Why do I bother? No one wants to hear it from me - ever. It’s always my issue, my burden. Every time I try to make well with choppy waters, it only gets worse. The general answer is a lack of trust. But, for what am I untrustworthy? For choosing not to brood about misfortune? For choosing not to throw away something dear to me? In the end, I was the one who paid the heftiest price. I lost everything. So many turned their backs on me. So many disregarded my turmoil. And, yet, here I am, making all the effort in the world to make right what I’ve lost; what was taken from me.
I think I loved you all once. Maybe that’s where I failed most of all? I let myself be fooled into a blind love. I loved, believing I was loved in return for everything I am. I gave my dreams and hopes to you for safe-keeping, and you burned them all. You set fire to my emotions, turning all that I loved to ash. How then can I be the one crawling through the ruin, searching for a remnant of those dreams, that hope, that love?
The answer, I think, is the most troubling of all. I let slip those things first. I handed them over without hesitation to my own detriment. I single-handedly destroyed it all on my own. It is for that reason that I seek. I search for a single intact piece of my heart, my dreams, my hopes, believing that: if I can find that small piece, I can nurture it back to fruition. Painfully, I have opened my empty chest up for another blaze. Whatever was left in the vacancy behind my ribcage has been reduced to all but ash. My charred bones threaten to cave inward to fill the blackened fissure.
I was wrong - no. I was stupid to believe that you might still have that tiny fraction of my love clasped caringly in your palm. That last sliver was crushed to dust long ago. I see that now. I regret ever searching for it… Forgiveness was not given and I have been forsaken. Forever broken and lost in your cold, heart-less gaze.
“What’s once lost cannot be regained.”
I think I loved you all once. Maybe that’s where I failed most of all? I let myself be fooled into a blind love. I loved, believing I was loved in return for everything I am. I gave my dreams and hopes to you for safe-keeping, and you burned them all. You set fire to my emotions, turning all that I loved to ash. How then can I be the one crawling through the ruin, searching for a remnant of those dreams, that hope, that love?
The answer, I think, is the most troubling of all. I let slip those things first. I handed them over without hesitation to my own detriment. I single-handedly destroyed it all on my own. It is for that reason that I seek. I search for a single intact piece of my heart, my dreams, my hopes, believing that: if I can find that small piece, I can nurture it back to fruition. Painfully, I have opened my empty chest up for another blaze. Whatever was left in the vacancy behind my ribcage has been reduced to all but ash. My charred bones threaten to cave inward to fill the blackened fissure.
I was wrong - no. I was stupid to believe that you might still have that tiny fraction of my love clasped caringly in your palm. That last sliver was crushed to dust long ago. I see that now. I regret ever searching for it… Forgiveness was not given and I have been forsaken. Forever broken and lost in your cold, heart-less gaze.
“What’s once lost cannot be regained.”