(no subject)
Today has been a real shitty day.
My dad made himself sick because he's been worrying so fucking much about me and my mom, and himself.. He's made me sick from worrying too.
I've been feeling like shit all day today. My chest is tight and I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack.
My mom has a herniated disk in her back, my dad has prostate cancer, I'm still recovering from surgery. It just doesn't seem like the bad things are going to end.
My dad did come down to my apt and talk to me though. He explained everything and said he felt a lot better afterward. I told him that he shouldn't be bottling up his emotions (even though I do the same) because it's not healthy. I also told him he can talk to me any time he needs to. He said he wishes my mom was like that. I don't understand why she has to be so rude.. And it's true, she never just listens, she always has to put her two cents in. It's frustrating.
All I want is for things to be okay, to get better. All I want is to be happy, to feel better, to not feel so lonely.. To have someone who cares about me, who loves me (in more than just friendship), who I can rely on (not saying I can't rely on my friends, because I certainly can and do appreciate all they do for me.)
It's so, so hard being "the strong one." It's so hard to put a smile on even though I'm aching inside--when all I want to do is cry. It hurts feeling so useless, being told "I don't like this" and "I don't like that" all the time.
I just want...something...anything tangible to hold onto.
My dad made himself sick because he's been worrying so fucking much about me and my mom, and himself.. He's made me sick from worrying too.
I've been feeling like shit all day today. My chest is tight and I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack.
My mom has a herniated disk in her back, my dad has prostate cancer, I'm still recovering from surgery. It just doesn't seem like the bad things are going to end.
My dad did come down to my apt and talk to me though. He explained everything and said he felt a lot better afterward. I told him that he shouldn't be bottling up his emotions (even though I do the same) because it's not healthy. I also told him he can talk to me any time he needs to. He said he wishes my mom was like that. I don't understand why she has to be so rude.. And it's true, she never just listens, she always has to put her two cents in. It's frustrating.
All I want is for things to be okay, to get better. All I want is to be happy, to feel better, to not feel so lonely.. To have someone who cares about me, who loves me (in more than just friendship), who I can rely on (not saying I can't rely on my friends, because I certainly can and do appreciate all they do for me.)
It's so, so hard being "the strong one." It's so hard to put a smile on even though I'm aching inside--when all I want to do is cry. It hurts feeling so useless, being told "I don't like this" and "I don't like that" all the time.
I just want...something...anything tangible to hold onto.