oi oi
This could easily be the first day of my life. Atleast, I'd like to think so.
Today I think I'll spend the day alone. I seem to always want to be out, to escape being alone. Being alone only leaves me alone to think. Thinking is no good for me anymore. I think too much.
I straightened my hair and put make-up on my face for the first time in months today. I don't know the exact reason why. It happened and that's all there is to it. I don't care about my appearance much lately. Fuck straight hair. I have curly hair. Fuck make-up. I'm no dog without it. Being natural is a daring thing to be. I used to never, ever walk outside my house without make-up on. I thought I looked like a zombie. I guess I had it placed inside my head for so long that painting my face made me beautiful, and without it I was not. Then, I got to know myself better. As for the hair, I don't mind it as much as I did. I thought I looked like a wet dog, if I didn't straighten my hair. Not true. So today I felt like being different. I had nothing to do. I still have nothing to do. Rachel is in Denver waiting to aboard her plane for Texas. Cozette believes that we must have something to do, if we hang out. Kait and Hilary aren't the best of friends anymore. That's about all I have. I have the we us our house, but it's too damn far. I wish I lived downtown. I would never have automobile issues. I would never worry about gas, for I wouldn't drive. I'd ride a bike instead. Back on topic...I painted my face with baboon paint (a baboon's ass is bright to attract attention, therefor women wear make-up to attract attention) to be different. To change. To show who I once used to be. To see if it made me feel any different. I didn't. Also, because I was bored.
My only two good friends are leaving town soon. I don't know what I'll do. I used to save myself from situations like this. I'd have a shit ton of friends to fall back on, just so I wouldn't be alone. I guess I'll work during the time they're gone. I need the money. I plan on saving up enough to move out at latest by the time I graduate.
Bobby G. left town yesterday. He skipped town to Canada. He had a big going away party on Friday. I showed up alone. It was a pretty chill party. Some guys wanted to fight Iggy Igloo. No one likes him. He's too fucking loud. He called me a hot chick once. That pissed me off. I don't take shit like that as a compliment. Anyways, all night all I heard was Markes trying to convince me to marry him. He wants to get married in a jail (jail house rock), not by the state, and wants to eventually adopt a little Asian baby and give him a mohawk. It's all a big joke. Dubois mentioned the fact that Markes and I should get married, only because we're similar in age. I'm not getting married. I have seen two marriages get lost in my life. My sister's marriage and my parents' marriage. No good. I don't think there is ONE person out there for everyone. I hate the fact that I have this fear that if I ever do get married, it won't be to the right person. I never want to fall out of love with someone. I don't want to think I'm happy with this companion, and then meet someone I think I'd be more happy with. So, if I ever do get married, I don't want a diamond ring. I'd like a ring tatooed on me with my mate's initials on it or some shit like that. People say, "Well, what if you get divorced?". Good question. I don't believe in divorce. That's why, if I ever get married it'll be to the right person, and there will be no divorce.
Bobby is roommates with this guy T.J. My friend Jason used to be roommates with T.J. Every time I see T.J. he associates me with Jason. I've known Jason for about 5 years now. We're not best friends, we don't talk every day, so what the fuck does he have to do with me? I don't care that he stole money from you. I don't care that you want to chop three of his fingers off. I don't care that you're in the army and you think that makes you such a hard ass. It's annoying as hell. That's all I heard about from him for about half an hour of my Friday night. That, and that I was too young to be there. That's all I ever hear from him too. "Twelve-year-olds shouldn't be drinking" "I didn't start drinking 'til I was twenty-one" "Isn't is passed your bedtime?". Shit like that....pisses me off. Don't ask me my age. I'm old enough. It's just a fucking number. Fuck off.
Later that night when everyone was heading home, Marley and I decided we'd go over to Aaron North's where everyone else was going. First, we walked to her house, so she could talk with her mom. Then, we walked over there. It was alright. We just sat around the rest of the night. Tyler tried driving home, but he was too faced and we wouldn't let him, so I drove his car and Cozette followed me to give me a ride home with her. We stayed up talking until 5:30 in the morning, and then passed out.
Yesterday wasn't too eventful. I went to a choir banquet. I didn't want to go, but decided I would at the last minute, because it was Mrs.Branford's last year, and it was my duty to go. It was alright. The food was cold, and I didn't get fool, but it was alright. I got a certificate. I guess that should make me happy. Later, I drove home. I need to exercize the fact that I have my driver's permit more often. So, my dad let me drive home. I was confused from taking orders, and finally listening to the last one. "Pull into a parking lot and turn around". I turned into a really dark parking lot, and had no idea that there was a median to my right. I ran over it, and got hollared at by my dad. My bad. I don't know this side of town. It was really fucking dark. I hate the fact that every word you say to me is only you yelling. I hate it. I'm sorry I'm a fuck up. So, I was commanded to get out, and the whole ride home was complete silence. I got home and then left to hang out with Cozette. Last night was Rachel's last night in town, so I finished off the night hanging out with her. James had a graduation party, so we went over. It was a fun time.
Now, today. I see nothing happening. This is why I wish it were the first day of my life.
Today I think I'll spend the day alone. I seem to always want to be out, to escape being alone. Being alone only leaves me alone to think. Thinking is no good for me anymore. I think too much.
I straightened my hair and put make-up on my face for the first time in months today. I don't know the exact reason why. It happened and that's all there is to it. I don't care about my appearance much lately. Fuck straight hair. I have curly hair. Fuck make-up. I'm no dog without it. Being natural is a daring thing to be. I used to never, ever walk outside my house without make-up on. I thought I looked like a zombie. I guess I had it placed inside my head for so long that painting my face made me beautiful, and without it I was not. Then, I got to know myself better. As for the hair, I don't mind it as much as I did. I thought I looked like a wet dog, if I didn't straighten my hair. Not true. So today I felt like being different. I had nothing to do. I still have nothing to do. Rachel is in Denver waiting to aboard her plane for Texas. Cozette believes that we must have something to do, if we hang out. Kait and Hilary aren't the best of friends anymore. That's about all I have. I have the we us our house, but it's too damn far. I wish I lived downtown. I would never have automobile issues. I would never worry about gas, for I wouldn't drive. I'd ride a bike instead. Back on topic...I painted my face with baboon paint (a baboon's ass is bright to attract attention, therefor women wear make-up to attract attention) to be different. To change. To show who I once used to be. To see if it made me feel any different. I didn't. Also, because I was bored.
My only two good friends are leaving town soon. I don't know what I'll do. I used to save myself from situations like this. I'd have a shit ton of friends to fall back on, just so I wouldn't be alone. I guess I'll work during the time they're gone. I need the money. I plan on saving up enough to move out at latest by the time I graduate.
Bobby G. left town yesterday. He skipped town to Canada. He had a big going away party on Friday. I showed up alone. It was a pretty chill party. Some guys wanted to fight Iggy Igloo. No one likes him. He's too fucking loud. He called me a hot chick once. That pissed me off. I don't take shit like that as a compliment. Anyways, all night all I heard was Markes trying to convince me to marry him. He wants to get married in a jail (jail house rock), not by the state, and wants to eventually adopt a little Asian baby and give him a mohawk. It's all a big joke. Dubois mentioned the fact that Markes and I should get married, only because we're similar in age. I'm not getting married. I have seen two marriages get lost in my life. My sister's marriage and my parents' marriage. No good. I don't think there is ONE person out there for everyone. I hate the fact that I have this fear that if I ever do get married, it won't be to the right person. I never want to fall out of love with someone. I don't want to think I'm happy with this companion, and then meet someone I think I'd be more happy with. So, if I ever do get married, I don't want a diamond ring. I'd like a ring tatooed on me with my mate's initials on it or some shit like that. People say, "Well, what if you get divorced?". Good question. I don't believe in divorce. That's why, if I ever get married it'll be to the right person, and there will be no divorce.
Bobby is roommates with this guy T.J. My friend Jason used to be roommates with T.J. Every time I see T.J. he associates me with Jason. I've known Jason for about 5 years now. We're not best friends, we don't talk every day, so what the fuck does he have to do with me? I don't care that he stole money from you. I don't care that you want to chop three of his fingers off. I don't care that you're in the army and you think that makes you such a hard ass. It's annoying as hell. That's all I heard about from him for about half an hour of my Friday night. That, and that I was too young to be there. That's all I ever hear from him too. "Twelve-year-olds shouldn't be drinking" "I didn't start drinking 'til I was twenty-one" "Isn't is passed your bedtime?". Shit like that....pisses me off. Don't ask me my age. I'm old enough. It's just a fucking number. Fuck off.
Later that night when everyone was heading home, Marley and I decided we'd go over to Aaron North's where everyone else was going. First, we walked to her house, so she could talk with her mom. Then, we walked over there. It was alright. We just sat around the rest of the night. Tyler tried driving home, but he was too faced and we wouldn't let him, so I drove his car and Cozette followed me to give me a ride home with her. We stayed up talking until 5:30 in the morning, and then passed out.
Yesterday wasn't too eventful. I went to a choir banquet. I didn't want to go, but decided I would at the last minute, because it was Mrs.Branford's last year, and it was my duty to go. It was alright. The food was cold, and I didn't get fool, but it was alright. I got a certificate. I guess that should make me happy. Later, I drove home. I need to exercize the fact that I have my driver's permit more often. So, my dad let me drive home. I was confused from taking orders, and finally listening to the last one. "Pull into a parking lot and turn around". I turned into a really dark parking lot, and had no idea that there was a median to my right. I ran over it, and got hollared at by my dad. My bad. I don't know this side of town. It was really fucking dark. I hate the fact that every word you say to me is only you yelling. I hate it. I'm sorry I'm a fuck up. So, I was commanded to get out, and the whole ride home was complete silence. I got home and then left to hang out with Cozette. Last night was Rachel's last night in town, so I finished off the night hanging out with her. James had a graduation party, so we went over. It was a fun time.
Now, today. I see nothing happening. This is why I wish it were the first day of my life.