OK......SO I FUCKED UP......I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME!!!
So, the EWF event Last night didn't go too well.
I fucked up on the last match of the first round in the EWF Heavyweight Championship tournament.
It was Anarchy against Captaion Psychadelic.
And, when he wen't for the 3 count.....
I counted, 1..2..........move over...3.
I fucked it up so fuckin' bad.
And, then everything went fine.
Until, the second round, ANARCHY took on Noah Lott.
and like an idiot.......I DID IT AGAIN......1...2.................3.
WHAT THE FUCK?
I don't know what possessed me to stall.
I just fucked up
Anarchy immediately got out of the ring and broke a chair out of anger toward me.
I would have rather had him hit me.
Instead....I did what I could to make up for it......and made sure not to fuck up the count in the Main Event.
I guess you can pretty much tell that it's over when the guy comes off a metal beam near the ceiling with a splash onto who he's against.
What do YOU think?
I just found out that my entry into EWF as a wrestler.....
Is going to be the result of a match....INSIDE A STEEL CAGE.
I'm like......FUCK YEAH.
I've wanted to be a part of a steel cage match for as long as I can remember.
The only match that I can think I've never done in backyard wrestling....was a steel cage match.
I've wanted to be involved in one for so long.
But that match is going to be a li'l ways down the road.
So, it's gonna have me waitin......for way too long.
Well,....too long for ME anyways.
Before the show, a couple of the guys from my school asked me to go have a beer with them........i went.
But, I was proud of myself, I just drank a dr.pepper.
I couldn't drink.
I didn't wanna get started back up.
ESPECIALLY, since I was the ONLY referee that night, AGAIN!!!
I'm already startin' to get fed up with doin' the referee thing.
But, until I'm in the ring at school....I can't do shit about it.
I guess, Adam (The Sikness as he's called) asked to get me into a match, last week.
But, Jason needed a ref......and he knew I was a ref from POG.
Which is fine.....but, I was hoping to jump right into my storyline.
But, I guess it just didn't work out.
I wanna try and go to a company that Dollar was telling me about.
I can't remember the name....but, I guess that even the Low-carder's get paid pretty good for a show.
Dollar was telling me that the lowest he got paid from there was like $12.
And, since then he'd been making, like, $50 per show.
Which is actually pretty good for a small indy show.
I know......I know....This is all just useless info you guys don't need to know.
But, once again, this is MY journal.
I'm just putting down my thoughts and feelings.
Those who don't like it.....That's fine...
But, I'm still putting them down.
That's how it goes.
Well, The days almost seem to get shorter.
For some time, they've felt so long.
But, now.....maybe it's my 'attitude'....maybe I've just been paying less attention to the things of the least importance.
Or, maybe, I'm just losing my mind.
But, the feeling I've had lately has been a good feeling.
And, I don't know why.
I mean.......with the exception of last night, of course.
Now, I'm not goin' all depressed again, but...
Why is it, that everytime you think you're past something...
Or someone...
Something comes back and kicks you in the face.
And, knocks you flat on your ass.....or in some cases...on your head.
And, the thing or person you thought you were past and over....
And the emotions you feel about it, beit, Love or Hate....
Just haunts you again.
Sometimes worse than before.
I mean, like I said, I'm not getting depressed again.
But, I still think about a lot of things.
And, I know that despite somethings I say.
My feelings are always changing.
But, there's a few things that my feelings never changed about.
And, I know they won't....no matter what I do or say.
And, I know there's nothing that I can really do about it.
With the exception of maybe a few options.
I can commit myself to a behavioral medicine ward........which wouldn't do too good for me or anyone else involved with my life.....especially my child.
Lord knows, that when 'What's your daddy do for a living Day' comes in Kindergarten at school, he/she is definately not gonna want to walk up infront of class and say "My daddy's a nutjob. And, he lives in the psych ward."
But, i'm not so bad that I need to do that.
And, the only reason I think I would need to, is if my father and I never reconcile and resolve our differences.
Another option, would be I can make myself so cold and callous that I never feel anything again.
But, if I were to do that....everytime something comes along that I actually feel something for, it will just feel numb.
And, i'll do nothing but hurt people more I can ever possibly want to.....sometimes much worse.
And, it will come down to, simply, I will, no doubt, die alone.
And, no one wants to die alone.
Not for any reason imaginable.
And, I'm sure there are other options....none that I can think of right off-hand....some good, some bad....but, I'm sure that I'll either think of them or they'll present themselves later on.
I guess I just have to take everything day by day as always.
And, see where life goes.
'My end...it justifies my means......all I ever do is dela-....oh....sorry.
I've had Before I Forget stuck in my head all day.
Can't figure out why....I never even listened to it today.
Maybe that'll help get it out of my head.
(Plays music.......and begins headbanging......then, accidently, hit's the desk with his head.)
Oww......oh......sorry.
I actually did that......I just figured it'd be funny to add that in there.
Me and Whiz are talking about going and talking to Erico and seeing what's goin' on with his protege's this week......prolly Thursday.
I guess PPW is looking for a building so they can get fully running.
I suggested a couple of buildings to Tim and Dan....but, I think one of them is too expensive for Walt.
The other one is in LaPorte...not Michigan City, and I think he's aiming strictly for M.C.
But, I'll have to find out from them.
I guess Jac isn't too happy with ANYONE who is training with Erico.
And, that's not right to me.
I know I kinda went off about it on my Journal.
But, Jac's the only one who is completely against PPW.
And, everyone else has been all for these guys getting up.
Jac is the only one calling PPW Pussy Pro Wrestling.
And, I was the guy originally pushing to get some of the MCWA guys trained by them.
But, I don't think it's right that Jac singles out those guys.
It's just bullshit to me.
And, it's not even like he singles them out for political reasons.
Jac has no politics at all when it comes to wrestling.
It's just basically, Fuck PPW.....that's it
Jac doesn't understand.
It's all independents for now.
And, a place to work is a place to work.
No more, no less.
I want to see Whiz go pro.....he's got the attitude and the character down.
He just needs the right training.....I'm thinking about trying to get him to go to Erico's training sessions with Matt, Tim, Dan, Clint, and Shepp.
So, this way we're getting as many of our guys to get in there and get going....those who really love it.
And, I think Whiz loves it.
But, at the same time MCWA is just fun for him.
And, his heart is in music....which I can relate with.
Because, music is fun for me.
And, I can definatly develop in it.
But, my heart is in wrestling.
I love it more than, just about, anything.
With 2 exceptions.
1) my child.
and 2)....well........I gave up on # 2 not too long ago.
But, the point is....
As much as I want to make MCWA succeed, and hopefully, one day, go professional.
I want to see some of our guys make it on the indy scene too.
And, those who don't succeed in wrestling,
I wanna see them succeed in whatever it is they really love.
Like, Whiz, Ice, and Hectik, I hope to god they make it BIG in music....however they do it....Rap, Hardcore, Metal....even if it's just owning a studio.....I hope they do it.
I WILL succeed in wrestling.....i don't care if I go big with it.
But, someday, I WILL own my own business either way.
My children...(or child) will be taken care of.
And, someday I'll find what I've been searching so long for.
ULTRAVIOLENCE
P.S.: not trying to be a dick....but.
Em....if ur gonna quote one of Cold's songs.....please..do it right.....don't change the lyrics if you don't know what the song's about.
I'm not trying to be an asshole...I'm not talkin' shit......that's just something that REEEEALY erk's me.
To be specific, the song "Cure My Tragedy (A Letter to God)" which you quote.
That song isn't about an ex-girlfriend that he lost or anything of that sort.
In fact, Scooter wrote that song about his sister who was dying of cancer at the time he was making the record.
The cancer left her brain and started clearing up shortly after he showed her the song.
Which, in my opinion, makes it his 'letter to God' and made it successful.
And the line isn't "Kill my Tragedy.....and there is no HE involved."
The line is...
"Won't you CURE my tragedy,
Don't take HER smile away from me,
SHE'S broken AND I'M far away."
This is the site that took the interpretations from an interview with Scooter.
In case, you don't know who Scooter is, he's the lead vocalist of Cold.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_of_the_Spider#Song_Interpretations
I fucked up on the last match of the first round in the EWF Heavyweight Championship tournament.
It was Anarchy against Captaion Psychadelic.
And, when he wen't for the 3 count.....
I counted, 1..2..........move over...3.
I fucked it up so fuckin' bad.
And, then everything went fine.
Until, the second round, ANARCHY took on Noah Lott.
and like an idiot.......I DID IT AGAIN......1...2.................3.
WHAT THE FUCK?
I don't know what possessed me to stall.
I just fucked up
Anarchy immediately got out of the ring and broke a chair out of anger toward me.
I would have rather had him hit me.
Instead....I did what I could to make up for it......and made sure not to fuck up the count in the Main Event.
I guess you can pretty much tell that it's over when the guy comes off a metal beam near the ceiling with a splash onto who he's against.
What do YOU think?
I just found out that my entry into EWF as a wrestler.....
Is going to be the result of a match....INSIDE A STEEL CAGE.
I'm like......FUCK YEAH.
I've wanted to be a part of a steel cage match for as long as I can remember.
The only match that I can think I've never done in backyard wrestling....was a steel cage match.
I've wanted to be involved in one for so long.
But that match is going to be a li'l ways down the road.
So, it's gonna have me waitin......for way too long.
Well,....too long for ME anyways.
Before the show, a couple of the guys from my school asked me to go have a beer with them........i went.
But, I was proud of myself, I just drank a dr.pepper.
I couldn't drink.
I didn't wanna get started back up.
ESPECIALLY, since I was the ONLY referee that night, AGAIN!!!
I'm already startin' to get fed up with doin' the referee thing.
But, until I'm in the ring at school....I can't do shit about it.
I guess, Adam (The Sikness as he's called) asked to get me into a match, last week.
But, Jason needed a ref......and he knew I was a ref from POG.
Which is fine.....but, I was hoping to jump right into my storyline.
But, I guess it just didn't work out.
I wanna try and go to a company that Dollar was telling me about.
I can't remember the name....but, I guess that even the Low-carder's get paid pretty good for a show.
Dollar was telling me that the lowest he got paid from there was like $12.
And, since then he'd been making, like, $50 per show.
Which is actually pretty good for a small indy show.
I know......I know....This is all just useless info you guys don't need to know.
But, once again, this is MY journal.
I'm just putting down my thoughts and feelings.
Those who don't like it.....That's fine...
But, I'm still putting them down.
That's how it goes.
Well, The days almost seem to get shorter.
For some time, they've felt so long.
But, now.....maybe it's my 'attitude'....maybe I've just been paying less attention to the things of the least importance.
Or, maybe, I'm just losing my mind.
But, the feeling I've had lately has been a good feeling.
And, I don't know why.
I mean.......with the exception of last night, of course.
Now, I'm not goin' all depressed again, but...
Why is it, that everytime you think you're past something...
Or someone...
Something comes back and kicks you in the face.
And, knocks you flat on your ass.....or in some cases...on your head.
And, the thing or person you thought you were past and over....
And the emotions you feel about it, beit, Love or Hate....
Just haunts you again.
Sometimes worse than before.
I mean, like I said, I'm not getting depressed again.
But, I still think about a lot of things.
And, I know that despite somethings I say.
My feelings are always changing.
But, there's a few things that my feelings never changed about.
And, I know they won't....no matter what I do or say.
And, I know there's nothing that I can really do about it.
With the exception of maybe a few options.
I can commit myself to a behavioral medicine ward........which wouldn't do too good for me or anyone else involved with my life.....especially my child.
Lord knows, that when 'What's your daddy do for a living Day' comes in Kindergarten at school, he/she is definately not gonna want to walk up infront of class and say "My daddy's a nutjob. And, he lives in the psych ward."
But, i'm not so bad that I need to do that.
And, the only reason I think I would need to, is if my father and I never reconcile and resolve our differences.
Another option, would be I can make myself so cold and callous that I never feel anything again.
But, if I were to do that....everytime something comes along that I actually feel something for, it will just feel numb.
And, i'll do nothing but hurt people more I can ever possibly want to.....sometimes much worse.
And, it will come down to, simply, I will, no doubt, die alone.
And, no one wants to die alone.
Not for any reason imaginable.
And, I'm sure there are other options....none that I can think of right off-hand....some good, some bad....but, I'm sure that I'll either think of them or they'll present themselves later on.
I guess I just have to take everything day by day as always.
And, see where life goes.
'My end...it justifies my means......all I ever do is dela-....oh....sorry.
I've had Before I Forget stuck in my head all day.
Can't figure out why....I never even listened to it today.
Maybe that'll help get it out of my head.
(Plays music.......and begins headbanging......then, accidently, hit's the desk with his head.)
Oww......oh......sorry.
I actually did that......I just figured it'd be funny to add that in there.
Me and Whiz are talking about going and talking to Erico and seeing what's goin' on with his protege's this week......prolly Thursday.
I guess PPW is looking for a building so they can get fully running.
I suggested a couple of buildings to Tim and Dan....but, I think one of them is too expensive for Walt.
The other one is in LaPorte...not Michigan City, and I think he's aiming strictly for M.C.
But, I'll have to find out from them.
I guess Jac isn't too happy with ANYONE who is training with Erico.
And, that's not right to me.
I know I kinda went off about it on my Journal.
But, Jac's the only one who is completely against PPW.
And, everyone else has been all for these guys getting up.
Jac is the only one calling PPW Pussy Pro Wrestling.
And, I was the guy originally pushing to get some of the MCWA guys trained by them.
But, I don't think it's right that Jac singles out those guys.
It's just bullshit to me.
And, it's not even like he singles them out for political reasons.
Jac has no politics at all when it comes to wrestling.
It's just basically, Fuck PPW.....that's it
Jac doesn't understand.
It's all independents for now.
And, a place to work is a place to work.
No more, no less.
I want to see Whiz go pro.....he's got the attitude and the character down.
He just needs the right training.....I'm thinking about trying to get him to go to Erico's training sessions with Matt, Tim, Dan, Clint, and Shepp.
So, this way we're getting as many of our guys to get in there and get going....those who really love it.
And, I think Whiz loves it.
But, at the same time MCWA is just fun for him.
And, his heart is in music....which I can relate with.
Because, music is fun for me.
And, I can definatly develop in it.
But, my heart is in wrestling.
I love it more than, just about, anything.
With 2 exceptions.
1) my child.
and 2)....well........I gave up on # 2 not too long ago.
But, the point is....
As much as I want to make MCWA succeed, and hopefully, one day, go professional.
I want to see some of our guys make it on the indy scene too.
And, those who don't succeed in wrestling,
I wanna see them succeed in whatever it is they really love.
Like, Whiz, Ice, and Hectik, I hope to god they make it BIG in music....however they do it....Rap, Hardcore, Metal....even if it's just owning a studio.....I hope they do it.
I WILL succeed in wrestling.....i don't care if I go big with it.
But, someday, I WILL own my own business either way.
My children...(or child) will be taken care of.
And, someday I'll find what I've been searching so long for.
ULTRAVIOLENCE
P.S.: not trying to be a dick....but.
Em....if ur gonna quote one of Cold's songs.....please..do it right.....don't change the lyrics if you don't know what the song's about.
I'm not trying to be an asshole...I'm not talkin' shit......that's just something that REEEEALY erk's me.
To be specific, the song "Cure My Tragedy (A Letter to God)" which you quote.
That song isn't about an ex-girlfriend that he lost or anything of that sort.
In fact, Scooter wrote that song about his sister who was dying of cancer at the time he was making the record.
The cancer left her brain and started clearing up shortly after he showed her the song.
Which, in my opinion, makes it his 'letter to God' and made it successful.
And the line isn't "Kill my Tragedy.....and there is no HE involved."
The line is...
"Won't you CURE my tragedy,
Don't take HER smile away from me,
SHE'S broken AND I'M far away."
This is the site that took the interpretations from an interview with Scooter.
In case, you don't know who Scooter is, he's the lead vocalist of Cold.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_of_the_Spider#Song_Interpretations