Encountering God
"She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'
Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'
She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold- which they used for Baal. Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness. So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no-one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days- all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig-trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewellery, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot, declares the LORD.
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
In that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'. I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety.
I will betroth you to me for ever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD." ~ Hosea 2:5-20
I've been trying to write this since Christmas, and haven't been able to find the words. I do a really good job of blogging when things are frustrating or when I want to yell 'cause things aren't going my way. When things are good, I want to hold them close and treasure them, as if writing them out would somehow break the spell or make them seem less real. However, I want to at least try to share some of everything God's been doing in my life over the last year. It has been one of extremes and growth for me, and present through it all has been the shouted whisper of God. Despite my best efforts and my seeking comfort from any other source, His whisper has been irresistible and constant, and as I have slowly been drawing nearer to Him, He continues to reveal more of Himself to me, and the closer I get, the more I long for Him. (Warning: Elissa's extreme nerdiness is about to be expressed) It's like the thrombin-prothrombinase feedback loop in the clotting process: it keeps accelerating and building on itself.
Although I've always loved Hosea because of the imagery contained in it, I'm re-reading it with a deeper understanding than I have before. My life for the last couple years (and the last year in particular) in many ways mirrors the story of Hosea and Gomer, and the larger metaphor of God and Israel. Reading it this time is like reading my redemptive love story too. I've always struggled to understand God/Christ as the lover and bridegroom; more often I perceive Him as the master/father (with me often playing the rebellious teenager). The last year, particularly the last 7-8 months, has involved me falling in love with Christ in a way I never have before (the first half of the year had a lot of those thornbushes blocking my way), and I've finally been allowing Him complete access to my heart. That openness and trust is the most exhilarating and exciting experience. I finally let go of my med school dream (it's taken thornbushes, roadblocks, and earthquakes opening up fissures the size of the Grand Canyon to get me to let go of this one), and am currently asking God to show me what He would have me do with my life. I've asked this before, but this time it's surrender in a way I've never done before. Wow. Scary and incredibly exciting. About a month ago, I mentioned this to someone. Her response was "Oh honey, He will. He will. Just be prepared for the ride." I knew this was true, but I didn't expect things to happen so overwhelmingly fast. He's opened so many doors in the last month. More than that though, I've found my hope again, in the only place true Hope can be found. No, I don't have all the answers. For that matter, I don't really have anymore answers now than I did two weeks ago. I don't know what's going to happen with my Vandy doctor, my new meds, tpn, j-tube, or any of that. I still don't know exactly where I'm gonna be in the next six months or after graduation. Yes, there still are and will continue to be sick days, rough nights, frustrations, and uncertainties. Yes, sometimes I'm still anxious and frightened. No, I don't know where all this is going or what is going to happen, but I do know that He was pursuing and loving me, even when I was running, fighting, and failing, and that His plan, His peace, and His hope is perfect even when I don't understand it and can't see it. And experiencing that has been amazing.
I know I haven't said anything original in these ramblings, but I just wanted to share a little glimpse of how I'm encountering God right now. In my life, 'Thy will be done' has always come with 'as long as it's safe' unexpressed, tagged on the end. I like C.S. Lewis's answer to this best: "Safe? Of course He isn't safe! But He is good."
Thy will be done, Lord. Even when it doesn't feel safe.
Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'
She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold- which they used for Baal. Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness. So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no-one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days- all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig-trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewellery, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot, declares the LORD.
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
In that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'. I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety.
I will betroth you to me for ever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD." ~ Hosea 2:5-20
I've been trying to write this since Christmas, and haven't been able to find the words. I do a really good job of blogging when things are frustrating or when I want to yell 'cause things aren't going my way. When things are good, I want to hold them close and treasure them, as if writing them out would somehow break the spell or make them seem less real. However, I want to at least try to share some of everything God's been doing in my life over the last year. It has been one of extremes and growth for me, and present through it all has been the shouted whisper of God. Despite my best efforts and my seeking comfort from any other source, His whisper has been irresistible and constant, and as I have slowly been drawing nearer to Him, He continues to reveal more of Himself to me, and the closer I get, the more I long for Him. (Warning: Elissa's extreme nerdiness is about to be expressed) It's like the thrombin-prothrombinase feedback loop in the clotting process: it keeps accelerating and building on itself.
Although I've always loved Hosea because of the imagery contained in it, I'm re-reading it with a deeper understanding than I have before. My life for the last couple years (and the last year in particular) in many ways mirrors the story of Hosea and Gomer, and the larger metaphor of God and Israel. Reading it this time is like reading my redemptive love story too. I've always struggled to understand God/Christ as the lover and bridegroom; more often I perceive Him as the master/father (with me often playing the rebellious teenager). The last year, particularly the last 7-8 months, has involved me falling in love with Christ in a way I never have before (the first half of the year had a lot of those thornbushes blocking my way), and I've finally been allowing Him complete access to my heart. That openness and trust is the most exhilarating and exciting experience. I finally let go of my med school dream (it's taken thornbushes, roadblocks, and earthquakes opening up fissures the size of the Grand Canyon to get me to let go of this one), and am currently asking God to show me what He would have me do with my life. I've asked this before, but this time it's surrender in a way I've never done before. Wow. Scary and incredibly exciting. About a month ago, I mentioned this to someone. Her response was "Oh honey, He will. He will. Just be prepared for the ride." I knew this was true, but I didn't expect things to happen so overwhelmingly fast. He's opened so many doors in the last month. More than that though, I've found my hope again, in the only place true Hope can be found. No, I don't have all the answers. For that matter, I don't really have anymore answers now than I did two weeks ago. I don't know what's going to happen with my Vandy doctor, my new meds, tpn, j-tube, or any of that. I still don't know exactly where I'm gonna be in the next six months or after graduation. Yes, there still are and will continue to be sick days, rough nights, frustrations, and uncertainties. Yes, sometimes I'm still anxious and frightened. No, I don't know where all this is going or what is going to happen, but I do know that He was pursuing and loving me, even when I was running, fighting, and failing, and that His plan, His peace, and His hope is perfect even when I don't understand it and can't see it. And experiencing that has been amazing.
I know I haven't said anything original in these ramblings, but I just wanted to share a little glimpse of how I'm encountering God right now. In my life, 'Thy will be done' has always come with 'as long as it's safe' unexpressed, tagged on the end. I like C.S. Lewis's answer to this best: "Safe? Of course He isn't safe! But He is good."
Thy will be done, Lord. Even when it doesn't feel safe.