this will never be my home, i will always be alone
i dont like when i dont have happy things to say. well, i guess i have some happy thigns to say, just nothing happy fresh in my mind.
ill start with the positive. went to see colleen yesterday. and jeremy but he was tired and slept most of the time i was there which upset me a little. but i had fun with colleen. kevin came with me. after we left there i dropped him off at the train so he could go see his friend at BU. then i decided since i was closer to plymouth, i might as well go sleep at home for the night rather than driving back to nh. so i called nicole to see if she was working. she was not. so i met up with her and heather and we went back to my house, watched nightmare on elm street, and just hung out. it was fun, always good to see nicole. then i drove back to nh this afternoon. went to work, and it was all down hill from there.
bad part. a short while after i got to work, my manager and one of the kids i work with got into a huge argument. huge. i get really nervous when people yell. i was trying to take someones order and they were screaming. i was hsaking like crazy, i was holding my ear with my one free hand (i tend to grab my ears when i am very upset or scared), when there were no people at my register, i went to a corner and started crying. still shaking beyond belief. finally things calmed down, and my manager apologized to me. someone said soemthing to him and he replied with, "the only person i feel bad for right now is desiree because we upset her so much." it made me realize my managers dont really hate me as much as i thought they did. it was very slow tonight, so i did almost two hours worth of dishes. then i swept, mopped and cleaned the dining room. at nine thirty i asked if i could please leave. finally around quarter of ten, i said i was leaving, i didnt ask. ben apologized again, and i said it wasnt his fault, as it wasnt, it was the kids fault, and i told him i just get really nervous when people yell. he said, "no one was yelling at you though." and i looked at him and replied with, "no one was yelling at me when my mom was getting punched and throw into walls either, i just get nervous." and i said goodnight and left.
now i am home and i want to be alone, but at the same time i dont really. i dont feel right, i want a hug, but i dont anyone to touch me.
i wish you were here tonight, i think your hug would help me.
Xhate meX
ill start with the positive. went to see colleen yesterday. and jeremy but he was tired and slept most of the time i was there which upset me a little. but i had fun with colleen. kevin came with me. after we left there i dropped him off at the train so he could go see his friend at BU. then i decided since i was closer to plymouth, i might as well go sleep at home for the night rather than driving back to nh. so i called nicole to see if she was working. she was not. so i met up with her and heather and we went back to my house, watched nightmare on elm street, and just hung out. it was fun, always good to see nicole. then i drove back to nh this afternoon. went to work, and it was all down hill from there.
bad part. a short while after i got to work, my manager and one of the kids i work with got into a huge argument. huge. i get really nervous when people yell. i was trying to take someones order and they were screaming. i was hsaking like crazy, i was holding my ear with my one free hand (i tend to grab my ears when i am very upset or scared), when there were no people at my register, i went to a corner and started crying. still shaking beyond belief. finally things calmed down, and my manager apologized to me. someone said soemthing to him and he replied with, "the only person i feel bad for right now is desiree because we upset her so much." it made me realize my managers dont really hate me as much as i thought they did. it was very slow tonight, so i did almost two hours worth of dishes. then i swept, mopped and cleaned the dining room. at nine thirty i asked if i could please leave. finally around quarter of ten, i said i was leaving, i didnt ask. ben apologized again, and i said it wasnt his fault, as it wasnt, it was the kids fault, and i told him i just get really nervous when people yell. he said, "no one was yelling at you though." and i looked at him and replied with, "no one was yelling at me when my mom was getting punched and throw into walls either, i just get nervous." and i said goodnight and left.
now i am home and i want to be alone, but at the same time i dont really. i dont feel right, i want a hug, but i dont anyone to touch me.
i wish you were here tonight, i think your hug would help me.
Xhate meX