OFFICE SPACE MOTIVATION
[Scene The interview room.]
BOB PORTER
The next paper looks like a Peter Gibbons.
Peter enters.
BOB SLYDELL
Aha! All right. We were just talking about you. You must be Peter
Gibbons. Uh huh. Terrific. I'm Bob Slydell and this is my associate,
Bob Porter.
PETER
Hi, Bob. Bob.
BOB PORTER
Why don't you grab a seat and join us for a minute?
He does so.
BOB SLYDELL
Y'see, what we're trying to do here, we're just trying to get a feel
for how people spend their day. So, if you would, would you just walk
us through a typical day for you?
PETER
Yeah.
BOB SLYDELL
Great.
PETER
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side
door, that way Lumbergh can't see me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta
space out for about an hour.
BOB PORTER
Space out?
PETER
Yeah. I just stare at my desk but it looks like I'm working. I do that
for probably another hour after lunch too. I'd probably, say, in a
given week, I probably do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.
BOB SLYDELL
Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a
little more?
PETER
Let me tell you something about TPS reports...'
Cut to later. Peter is more relaxed.
PETER
The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I just don't
care.
BOB PORTER
Don't, don't care?
PETER
It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off and
Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime. So where's
the motivation? And here's another thing, Bob. I have eight different
bosses right now!
BOB SLYDELL
I beg your pardon?
PETER
Eight bosses.
BOB SLYDELL
Eight?
PETER
Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different
people coming by to tell me about it. That's my real motivation - is
not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y'know, Bob,
it will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired.
BOB SLYDELL
Bear with me for a minute.
PETER
Ok.
BOB SLYDELL
Believe me, this is hypathetical. But what if you were offered some
kind of stock option and equity sharing program?
PETER
I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice
talking to be of you guys.
He shakes their hands.
BOB SLYDELL
Absolutely. It's all on this side of the table, trust me.
PETER
Good luck with your layoffs. I hope your firings go really well.
BOB SLYDELL
Wow.
BOB PORTER
The next paper looks like a Peter Gibbons.
Peter enters.
BOB SLYDELL
Aha! All right. We were just talking about you. You must be Peter
Gibbons. Uh huh. Terrific. I'm Bob Slydell and this is my associate,
Bob Porter.
PETER
Hi, Bob. Bob.
BOB PORTER
Why don't you grab a seat and join us for a minute?
He does so.
BOB SLYDELL
Y'see, what we're trying to do here, we're just trying to get a feel
for how people spend their day. So, if you would, would you just walk
us through a typical day for you?
PETER
Yeah.
BOB SLYDELL
Great.
PETER
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side
door, that way Lumbergh can't see me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta
space out for about an hour.
BOB PORTER
Space out?
PETER
Yeah. I just stare at my desk but it looks like I'm working. I do that
for probably another hour after lunch too. I'd probably, say, in a
given week, I probably do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.
BOB SLYDELL
Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a
little more?
PETER
Let me tell you something about TPS reports...'
Cut to later. Peter is more relaxed.
PETER
The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I just don't
care.
BOB PORTER
Don't, don't care?
PETER
It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off and
Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime. So where's
the motivation? And here's another thing, Bob. I have eight different
bosses right now!
BOB SLYDELL
I beg your pardon?
PETER
Eight bosses.
BOB SLYDELL
Eight?
PETER
Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different
people coming by to tell me about it. That's my real motivation - is
not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y'know, Bob,
it will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired.
BOB SLYDELL
Bear with me for a minute.
PETER
Ok.
BOB SLYDELL
Believe me, this is hypathetical. But what if you were offered some
kind of stock option and equity sharing program?
PETER
I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice
talking to be of you guys.
He shakes their hands.
BOB SLYDELL
Absolutely. It's all on this side of the table, trust me.
PETER
Good luck with your layoffs. I hope your firings go really well.
BOB SLYDELL
Wow.