my crappy body... crapping out? lol
I'm so tired... all the time... but then the kids go to bed and I get wrapped up in the budget or just relaxing in general and suddenly my bed isn't calling me so insistently anymore. Last night I was up past 2 am which is a bad habit. But the night before last and the night before that I went to bed at 9pm and still didn't want to get up at 8am. I was still falling asleep on the couch while the kids were awake and still took a nap when they did. I've had a bad headache for the last 5 days or so. Tylenol does nothing for my headaches. My neck has been hurting for about a week so I figure that's causing the headaches... hopefully the chiropractor will help at least a little. I was supposed to go to my OB/GYN on monday for a follow up ultrasound due to cysts on my ovaries... Well I have been trying to get someone to watch the kids for a month. Just need someone to watch them long enough for me to walk around the corner to my doctor and get this ultrasound done. But I couldn't get ahold of my BIL most of the time and when I did I asked him to get his GF Carol's schedule to see when she would be able to watch them for me. He always forgot and Carol wasn't answering her phone. Caleb my neighbor is still in school but I thought maybe he could watch the kids after he got home from school but he of course prefers that they are sleeping when he is watching them. So I'm just screwed... I need to find a reliable teenage baysitter... maybe one who can help me clean up too. LOL yeah like that will ever happen. I can't trust anyone these days... well not when it comes to leaving them home alone with my kids. There are too many whackos out there. As a parent it would be horribly irresponsible of me if I left the kids with a baby sitter I barely knew. but the problem is even when you really get to know a person they could be completely different than what you know them to be like. I've had it happen to me before. I already went through worrying over a visit from CPS and almost ending up homeless because someone I trusted was not at all who I thought they were. People lie... I understand that but lieing about everything to a person who considers you a close friend... what would be the point in that? and yet she did it and it boggles my mind. So if she could do it with no apparent reason how am I supposed to trust a random baby sitter. Nobody but family, that lieing friend, and my neighbor have ever watched my kids... it's no wonder I feel trapped. I can't get to the doctor or go out for a movie or go out to the grocery store without being worried about someone else's schedule. I feel bad for wanting to spend the weekend at my mom's without the kids. You know... just thinking about the upcoming appointment with the psychologist has really got me thinking about a lot of stuff... hopefully she can help me sort out all my thoughts.