ALERT:A fight involving sex:2b read only if u can handle reading about my sex life
I'm depressed... again... I'm such a broken record and I'm so pathetic it pisses me off.
Hellgate london is going down as of January 31st, 2009. I just finally got back into it again and I still love the game and the access I currently have to subscriber stuff but I don't have enough time to enjoy it and say goodbye to the first real MMO I ever truly got into.
LJ is apparently doing a ton of layoffs which scares me because that's what was happening at flagship(the companyt that made hellgate london) and then all of a sudden they laid everyone off and went bankrupt. I can't lose LJ and hellgate in the same year... That would be such a horribly crippling blow to the little bit of happiness I always manage to cling to. One of the few things that keeps me going.
I'm up late again but I was in bed earlier. I had started my period so I figured since I told Tom he wouldn't bug me too much but then he didn't bug me at all. And of course for once I was starting to feel slightly in the mood. So I got him into it because he thought I was the one that didn't want to do nything during "that time of the month" but I told him how I was feeling. I was trying to get him to try something that we don't do very often... foreplay... not just any foreplay but foreplay without touch me between the legs. I thought this was a simple concept. He needed to work me up so I thought ok kissing, teasing, and the like until I asked him to take it further. Turns out this concept was way more complicated than it needed to be. He started saying so you gonna take your underwear off? Which I figured I would wait until we were almost done with foreplay so I was frustrated but I did it anyways figuring he would still follow the rules but just wanted me to be totally naked. Well then he started pushing like he was trying to initiate sex so I gave up and just said well can you do this while you go in and gave him instructions. I was enjoying it but definitely could have used some more foreplay but I could have dealt with it if he had kept doing things for me and him at the same time. But it quickly became majority about him so I truly gave up. I just flopped my hands down and laid there. Finally ding hello he gets the idea that I'm not happy. Hmm... I wonder why?! I explained this to him in shorter terms and he got all pissed off. He's like well you need to tell me exactly what you want as he rolled over deciding to bail on sex at all. I then had to explain to him that if I explain each step to him then its not a surprise and it doesn't work. He then said he needed a better general idea at least. When I very clearly stated as I have many times that I need more foreplay he then said well I just spent 20 minutes and then you told me start having sex with you. I told him no I told what I wanted since he was already trying to have sex. He insisted he wasn't and went to sleep mad. Un lucky for me... I can't sleep mad.
I want to cry and punch him in the face and take off to florida with the kids to hang out with my aunt for a month or so. But then I don't want to screw up the few good things I have going for me like a family who loves each other and a place to live and in general a life that could be much worse than it is. I couldnt keep the kids from tom and I would miss him... and I don't want to be like my parents who just get fucking divorced already. All they do is fight over everything no matter how big or small. They don't communicate my dad is always cranky and jumps to conclusions and is always blaming someone else for everything. My mom is overly sensitive, quick to blame too, holds grudges, guilt trips, and does most of the things she complains about other people doing. She talks about leaving my dad but I doubt she ever will.
I don't want to get a divorce or anything like that. I don't even want to be with anyone else even though I miss dating... but I relaize that's because I miss dating Tom. I miss when he tried so hard for me and I tried so hard back on particular things. Then as we got married and got more comfortable he stopped trying so hard and I just keep trying harder in hopes that if I'm good to him things will work out. He's not a horrible husband but he needs work. How do you tell your husband that he needs to try harder for you because you feel like you are the only one really trying anymore? I don't want it to sound like a threat like I'll leave you if you don't. But I am tired of feeling walked on all the time too... Help!
Hellgate london is going down as of January 31st, 2009. I just finally got back into it again and I still love the game and the access I currently have to subscriber stuff but I don't have enough time to enjoy it and say goodbye to the first real MMO I ever truly got into.
LJ is apparently doing a ton of layoffs which scares me because that's what was happening at flagship(the companyt that made hellgate london) and then all of a sudden they laid everyone off and went bankrupt. I can't lose LJ and hellgate in the same year... That would be such a horribly crippling blow to the little bit of happiness I always manage to cling to. One of the few things that keeps me going.
I'm up late again but I was in bed earlier. I had started my period so I figured since I told Tom he wouldn't bug me too much but then he didn't bug me at all. And of course for once I was starting to feel slightly in the mood. So I got him into it because he thought I was the one that didn't want to do nything during "that time of the month" but I told him how I was feeling. I was trying to get him to try something that we don't do very often... foreplay... not just any foreplay but foreplay without touch me between the legs. I thought this was a simple concept. He needed to work me up so I thought ok kissing, teasing, and the like until I asked him to take it further. Turns out this concept was way more complicated than it needed to be. He started saying so you gonna take your underwear off? Which I figured I would wait until we were almost done with foreplay so I was frustrated but I did it anyways figuring he would still follow the rules but just wanted me to be totally naked. Well then he started pushing like he was trying to initiate sex so I gave up and just said well can you do this while you go in and gave him instructions. I was enjoying it but definitely could have used some more foreplay but I could have dealt with it if he had kept doing things for me and him at the same time. But it quickly became majority about him so I truly gave up. I just flopped my hands down and laid there. Finally ding hello he gets the idea that I'm not happy. Hmm... I wonder why?! I explained this to him in shorter terms and he got all pissed off. He's like well you need to tell me exactly what you want as he rolled over deciding to bail on sex at all. I then had to explain to him that if I explain each step to him then its not a surprise and it doesn't work. He then said he needed a better general idea at least. When I very clearly stated as I have many times that I need more foreplay he then said well I just spent 20 minutes and then you told me start having sex with you. I told him no I told what I wanted since he was already trying to have sex. He insisted he wasn't and went to sleep mad. Un lucky for me... I can't sleep mad.
I want to cry and punch him in the face and take off to florida with the kids to hang out with my aunt for a month or so. But then I don't want to screw up the few good things I have going for me like a family who loves each other and a place to live and in general a life that could be much worse than it is. I couldnt keep the kids from tom and I would miss him... and I don't want to be like my parents who just get fucking divorced already. All they do is fight over everything no matter how big or small. They don't communicate my dad is always cranky and jumps to conclusions and is always blaming someone else for everything. My mom is overly sensitive, quick to blame too, holds grudges, guilt trips, and does most of the things she complains about other people doing. She talks about leaving my dad but I doubt she ever will.
I don't want to get a divorce or anything like that. I don't even want to be with anyone else even though I miss dating... but I relaize that's because I miss dating Tom. I miss when he tried so hard for me and I tried so hard back on particular things. Then as we got married and got more comfortable he stopped trying so hard and I just keep trying harder in hopes that if I'm good to him things will work out. He's not a horrible husband but he needs work. How do you tell your husband that he needs to try harder for you because you feel like you are the only one really trying anymore? I don't want it to sound like a threat like I'll leave you if you don't. But I am tired of feeling walked on all the time too... Help!