When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home...
My emotions.
I remember being a teenager. I remember crying while my heart broke. A searing pain in the chest, a love lost, throat sore from screams I never knew I had in me. I spent years in therapy to avoid this ever happening to me again. I cut myself off. I made sure that I would never be the one hurt again. What happened then?
I didn’t try. I stopped trying to love someone when it became too hard. I stopped working on the relationship because if I started working now I would be in too deep. Now I am working hard. I am giving someone my all. My entire body and soul is going to making this work and I am scared. I have not been scared in a long time.
Why does this worry me? Because in the past month, I have cried more than I have cried in the past four years. I have had my heart broken three times by men who claim they love me. And while I believe them. I wonder how much they know about the fact that I love them so much I would die for them.
And yet at this moment. I feel alone. I feel as if I am walking across a meadow and it is gorgeous, the sky is azure, the sun is brilliant, the grass is swaying in a refreshing breeze and everything is so perfect and yet I am alone bare foot just waiting. Someone is going to come over the horizon and give me everything I have been looking for it and I know who I want it to be. Who I need it to be. And I will wait forever for him to come over the hill.