::something something::

[desired_abuse]

this is the hardest thing
i've ever done
without telling anyone
and i did it all
on no sleep
no counting sheep
straight up all night
i learned, alright.

he taught me things
i already knew
he said them till my brain was blue
suffocated
and thoughts couldn't get through
so many words with nothing to do

a bright lit computer screen
instead of inviting
just looks mean
and void of anything close to real
anything
that could make me feel
make me bleed
then make me heal.

the sun's coming up
up, over, and out
it seems like there's a story
that it should be about
but i think to not think
or sit back and not drink
just try to not blink
focus on the bright light
staring while
your mind and eyes fight
i really should turn away
but i need to watch the start of today
to discern wrong from right
to truly watch a bird's flight

this is when
it all get's figured out.
this is when i decide what about
and this meaningless sunrise
that's blinding to my eyes
and all the words
and all the stories
all the birds and
falls from glory
all the grass atop the mud
broken glass that's caked in blood

i run through my mind
till it stops making sense
and the little runner finds
the inevitable fence
that barricades her in the pasture
for sometime from now
and could last until after

"after what?"
a question said.
replied the answer,
"escaping her head"