Of Your Galaxy Dancing And Laughing And Laughing Again
Have I stated lately that I love my family, but hate my father? Because seriously, I do. That full-out loathing where you can see the flames flying out of my eyes whenever I get too close to him. Only not hot-anger flames, the cold kind that should cause frostbite. He was getting it head-on this morning at breakfast. Partially because I got dragged out of my nice, finally-warm bed, to go shopping when I really just wanted to stay where I was. It was also seven-thirty in the morning and I'd pulled off my typical insomniac deal of not going to sleep until after four. I was not a happy Katie, not at all. Sure, I get to sleep in the bed in the spare room (I get a bed!!!), but it's a very drafty room, so getting warm is one of those accomplishments that takes all night. And I'd only had a couple of hours in the warmness... that, and I rarely even consider eating breakfast, much less with someone who turns my stomach without food even in it.
But I went, because Kid was going, and breakfast was spent in a mix of me and Kid bantering and me glaring and/or speaking with my father in a tone that stated very clearly I-think-you're-a-loser-and-need-to-get-a-job-like-everyone-else-your-age-and-that-way-I-don't-have-to-beg-my-grandma-who-can't-afford-to-cosign-my-loan-you-fucking-bastard. But he didn't even take the bait and argue back!!! Which made it not so much fun, although it did make him uncomfortable, so I only kept it up for twenty or so minutes and settled into just the occasional glare and stabbing at the omelette that cost around eight bucks and I only ate about a quarter and simply massacred the rest. Made me feel better.
It is very cold in this room, but it's the only place where I can have a connection and not feel like everyone is watching me.
Because they're still doing that watch Katie thing -_-
It's making me very, very twitchy, and I've only been here two days.
I know it's because they worry about me, but seriously, I've lasted a year without being watched like a hawk.
I think that I can make it less than a month without being loomed over.
See? My eye is twitching.
My list of things to look forward to over break keeps shrinking...
I do not like this fact at all.
First Kat, then possibly Ashlee... now I'm wondering if Ash and Cyn will cancel too.
What I do like it how amusing it is to watch my grandma skitter around the fact that I'm a lesbian.
Approaches the subject very carefully, pokes it with a stick, and skitters back.
It makes me smile for some weird, unknown reason.
Because she's not dismissing it, or anything like that
She just doesn't know how to handle it yet.
My entire family doesn't, but they finally are!
Guess it took seeing me cry and leave because of things said to make them see it's not going away.
It's Christmas Eve, officially.
Which means I will be spending tonight at g.grandma's house with the Schultz's, per tradition.
Playing 'dirty Santa', which is new, but I'm used to it, so nice, I guess.
Christmas morning... *twitch* We're going to Aunt Jill's
We're always here!!!
We've been here since I was a baby, and I have pictures to prove it!
Now they're switching it up on me?
What the fuck, just, what the fuck.
If the breakfast casserole gets taken away, then I'm going on strike.
Bad enough that I get no Christmas with the Faulmans at all, because they switched things up too.
Why with the change?
It was perfect!
Eh, but whining won't change it, no matter how much I want it to.
Sure, change is good, but not with things like this.
And I don't want to drive an hour at seven in the morning to watch my cousins open their presents and stockings... especially the stockings.
I really have a problem with the stockings.
And I want to go back to school... so that I can sleep again >.>
Yes, I am an insomniac stating that she gets too little sleep.
Three hours average is not enough for even me.
But I went, because Kid was going, and breakfast was spent in a mix of me and Kid bantering and me glaring and/or speaking with my father in a tone that stated very clearly I-think-you're-a-loser-and-need-to-get-a-job-like-everyone-else-your-age-and-that-way-I-don't-have-to-beg-my-grandma-who-can't-afford-to-cosign-my-loan-you-fucking-bastard. But he didn't even take the bait and argue back!!! Which made it not so much fun, although it did make him uncomfortable, so I only kept it up for twenty or so minutes and settled into just the occasional glare and stabbing at the omelette that cost around eight bucks and I only ate about a quarter and simply massacred the rest. Made me feel better.
It is very cold in this room, but it's the only place where I can have a connection and not feel like everyone is watching me.
Because they're still doing that watch Katie thing -_-
It's making me very, very twitchy, and I've only been here two days.
I know it's because they worry about me, but seriously, I've lasted a year without being watched like a hawk.
I think that I can make it less than a month without being loomed over.
See? My eye is twitching.
My list of things to look forward to over break keeps shrinking...
I do not like this fact at all.
First Kat, then possibly Ashlee... now I'm wondering if Ash and Cyn will cancel too.
What I do like it how amusing it is to watch my grandma skitter around the fact that I'm a lesbian.
Approaches the subject very carefully, pokes it with a stick, and skitters back.
It makes me smile for some weird, unknown reason.
Because she's not dismissing it, or anything like that
She just doesn't know how to handle it yet.
My entire family doesn't, but they finally are!
Guess it took seeing me cry and leave because of things said to make them see it's not going away.
It's Christmas Eve, officially.
Which means I will be spending tonight at g.grandma's house with the Schultz's, per tradition.
Playing 'dirty Santa', which is new, but I'm used to it, so nice, I guess.
Christmas morning... *twitch* We're going to Aunt Jill's
We're always here!!!
We've been here since I was a baby, and I have pictures to prove it!
Now they're switching it up on me?
What the fuck, just, what the fuck.
If the breakfast casserole gets taken away, then I'm going on strike.
Bad enough that I get no Christmas with the Faulmans at all, because they switched things up too.
Why with the change?
It was perfect!
Eh, but whining won't change it, no matter how much I want it to.
Sure, change is good, but not with things like this.
And I don't want to drive an hour at seven in the morning to watch my cousins open their presents and stockings... especially the stockings.
I really have a problem with the stockings.
And I want to go back to school... so that I can sleep again >.>
Yes, I am an insomniac stating that she gets too little sleep.
Three hours average is not enough for even me.