And A Partridge In A Pear Tree
On one side of the teeter-tooter that I'm currently balanced on is shutting both my doors, locking them, drawing the blinds on my window, and just shutting everyone and everything out until I'm over the fact that Jenna is truly dead. Which will (99.9% odds) probably be Saturday or Sunday. I know screaming at the hockey game will likely help, good for frustration and anger and I have plenty of those right now. The other side is a unique sort of hysteria and masking that I tend to be tilting towards more and more. Laugh or cry or cover it all up and pretend that I'm fine. People know I'm not, but they don't say it and I am very grateful for that. Laughing is the best, which is why I'm trying to find as much as possible to laugh at, or just to make me smile. Even if it is slightly strained or forced, it's still there, and it still keeps me together a bit more.
The bits of snow the sky is spitting out is also very helpful for my mood. Because when it gets all bitterly cold and steely gray with the bits of fluffy white coming down... that's when I love the weather the best. It'd be more fitting if it rained, and I hope it is in Georgia, but I don't want it to here no matter how much it'd fit. Snow is always good, and mixed with the Christmas CDs Ashley lent me, it's even better. Yes... I'm tilting towards the hysteric happy and masking, but it's really better that way. Shutting everything away isn't.
The bits of snow the sky is spitting out is also very helpful for my mood. Because when it gets all bitterly cold and steely gray with the bits of fluffy white coming down... that's when I love the weather the best. It'd be more fitting if it rained, and I hope it is in Georgia, but I don't want it to here no matter how much it'd fit. Snow is always good, and mixed with the Christmas CDs Ashley lent me, it's even better. Yes... I'm tilting towards the hysteric happy and masking, but it's really better that way. Shutting everything away isn't.