The Power To Be
It doesn't make sense, I just want to say that right now. It doesn't make sense to me, and chances that it ever will are very slim. I don't get how the minds of people work no matter how much I wish that I could. I'd love to just be able to crawl inside a select few people's brains for a day and see how it functions in there, see how they see things. Then maybe I'd be able to get it. Let them into my mind, let them see how my eyes work.
I miss my brother. I miss Kendra and Kristen and Rachel. I miss feeling close to someone, like even my silly opinions matter. I miss feeling real like I did nearer the end of the summer, or for the first month or so of school, because I don't so much now. I miss... I miss being fifteen-years-old and not caring about anything beyond when my next trip to the Property was, what grade I got on my test, and whether or not I was going to Tyger or my dad's house for the weekend. When what I worried about was whether or not I'd have to defend Kid when I got home from school, whether mom had read my diary, if I seriously liked girls or not... Those seem like simple things, they could be broken down easier and dissected like all confusing things should be. There weren't multiple sides. There was just is or isn't.
Part of it could be that I really just don't like me right now. When I don't feel good and it carries on without exactly getting worse or better, I get irritated easier. Or I seem irritated when I'm not and no one can tell the difference. Because they shouldn't have to. I'll just wake up in the morning and my body will be completely fine. That's all there is to it, I have to be better when I get up. Then I can be... happy-cheerful-make-people-laugh-not-frown Katie.
Yes, that's how it'll be. Figured out.
I miss my brother. I miss Kendra and Kristen and Rachel. I miss feeling close to someone, like even my silly opinions matter. I miss feeling real like I did nearer the end of the summer, or for the first month or so of school, because I don't so much now. I miss... I miss being fifteen-years-old and not caring about anything beyond when my next trip to the Property was, what grade I got on my test, and whether or not I was going to Tyger or my dad's house for the weekend. When what I worried about was whether or not I'd have to defend Kid when I got home from school, whether mom had read my diary, if I seriously liked girls or not... Those seem like simple things, they could be broken down easier and dissected like all confusing things should be. There weren't multiple sides. There was just is or isn't.
Part of it could be that I really just don't like me right now. When I don't feel good and it carries on without exactly getting worse or better, I get irritated easier. Or I seem irritated when I'm not and no one can tell the difference. Because they shouldn't have to. I'll just wake up in the morning and my body will be completely fine. That's all there is to it, I have to be better when I get up. Then I can be... happy-cheerful-make-people-laugh-not-frown Katie.
Yes, that's how it'll be. Figured out.